


Dancing With The Devil

by BakaDoll



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bad Puns, Ballet, Bickering, Cheerleaders, Child Abuse, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, English!Neil, F/F, F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Getting to Know Each Other, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sassy Neil, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, Violence, Vixen!Neil, canon-typical abuse, drugged up Andrew, mentioned Homophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2019-10-13 14:23:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 64,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17489660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BakaDoll/pseuds/BakaDoll
Summary: Neil goes to the US to join the PSU Vixens. Joining Palmetto's cheer squad gives him the opportunity to mess with the people he can't stand the most, all the while doing what he loves to do: dancing.He's here to wreak havoc and that's what he will do - though maybe there will be some things that he didn't plan to go the way they go, and maybe he won't even mind some of them happening all that much.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Marmeladeskies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marmeladeskies/gifts).



> Okaaayyyy here we gooooooooo
> 
> After literal m o n t h s (years? idk man, it's been LONG) of [marmelade-sky](http://marmelade-sky.tumblr.com/) asking me to write this m a s s i v e AU we thought up, I decided to actually finally do it. It's completely dedicated to her, obv, bc without her this AU wouldn't be here today, and it's also her birthday today so!! Head over to her tumblr and wish her a happy birthday y'all!!
> 
> I'd also like to thank [i-ship-it-verymuch](https://i-ship-it-verymuch.tumblr.com/) for providing me with all the infos about cheerleaders and cheer squads and answering all my dumb questions. It's good to have a cheerleader friend when you're writing about cheerleaders and, despite being a dancer for 19 years yourself, know fuck all about cheerleading lmfao
> 
> I'm gonna try to keep the updating at at least once every two weeks (hopefully more often), but I'm not gonna promise anything bc,,,,you know,,,,life happens. I've also put the chapter count to 15 for now, but I don't have all the chapters written down or planned out yet, so this number will probably change with time!
> 
> A quick disclaimer:  
> This is an AU, and it shows. I'm not gonna say too much as to not spoil the story, but I allowed myself some freedom on Neil's character, based on the fact that he grew up completely different than in canon. It's a lot of fun to experiment with what Neil would be, act and react like if he grew up differently, and I'm sure a lot of the traits he has that are different than in canon will make sense once his background in this story is clear.  
> One thing I feel like I should explain a bit more already is his sexuality: he's not "as demi" as he is in canon. He's very open about his sexuality and the things he wants and has a lot more experience than canon Neil (which is honestly not that hard considering canon Neil's experience in the sex department lol), but, again, this will probably make more sense once it's clear how and where he grew up.

Beyonce’s voice was blaring through Neil’s headphones loud enough for the elderly lady sitting next to him to shoot him a chiding look. Neil turned the volume up a bit more.

He still felt Stuart’s arms around his shoulders and his lips on his forehead, and it was weird to think he wouldn’t see him for the next couple months, but his life was about to change drastically - and Neil was looking forward to it. He was on his way to the US to change more than his own life, and he was on his way there to wreak havoc. A small, satisfied grin spread on Neil’s lips at the thought. The next years would be a lot of fun.

 

He almost missed when boarding started because he was so deep in his thoughts, but when the lady next to him got up from her seat to go to the gate with her husband he blinked a couple times and realised that priority boarding had started. That was his cue, then. He grabbed his small bag, flung it over his shoulder and made his way over with lazy yet smooth steps. Years and years of intense training had him carry himself with the elegance and arrogance of a dancer, his head held high, hips swaying gently.

 

“Good evening, Sir,” the stewardess greeted when it was Neil’s turn. He smiled at her and held his ticket and passport out for her to check.

“Thank you,” she said, handing them back, “Enjoy your flight, Mr. Hatford.”

 

***

 

“What’s the name?” 

 

“Neil Abram Hatford.”

 

“Uh-huh. Gimme a sec, sonny.” Neil frowned a bit at the name he had just been called. The lady behind the desk was scrolling through a file on her computer, her glasses sliding off her nose every couple seconds and her pushing them back up in an endless cycle. It drove Neil insane after two minutes. So did the speed she was working at, which was pretty much that of a sloth trying to climb a tree with two broken arms. To be fair, she looked like she was at least five years past her retirement age. 

Neil startled when she slammed her palm on the desk and clicked her tongue with a victorious grin.

  
“There we go. Neil Abram Hatford. Gotcha.” Mrs Alberts - if that even was her name plate on the desk - turned on her office chair and rolled over to a massive file cabinet on it, ripped one of the drawers open and went through the folders inside.

 

“Hatford, Hatford, Hatford,” she kept mumbling Neil’s name to herself until she finally found what seemed to be his folder, rolled back behind her desk and waved it in front of his nose.

“Here’s your stuff,” she told him and threw a look inside to check if everything was there, “Your dorm room is number 214 in the Foxtower. Key’s in the folder. You share the dorm with a sophomore girl, lovely young lady. You’re a lucky boy, aren’t you?”

 

Neil took the folder from her.

 

“I guess,” he said, then smiled a charming smile, “Thank you, Mrs Alberts. Have a lovely day.”

 

“Oh, what a nice accent. English boy?”

 

“Yes, London born and raised.” That wasn’t entirely true, but she didn’t need to know that.

 

“Well, have fun in the US then, sonny. It’s not as posh here as over there, but we sure know how to have one hell of a time,” she grinned, patriotism making her chest swell with pride. Neil lowered his eyes but kept his smile.

 

“Oh, I know. I’ve met a couple americans before. Though I’m afraid they misunderstood the phrase “a hell of a time”.”

 

Mrs Alberts looked at him in confusion, but Neil didn’t explain. Instead he just turned around, left the office and made his way over to the so-called Foxtower. 

 

Oh, this was going to be so much fun.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil meets his new room mate. Will they get along or is it going to end up being a disaster?

Neil found door 214 rather quickly and decided to knock first, instead of using his key. He was sharing with a girl after all, and he didn’t want to be rude and invade her privacy. It took only a couple seconds for her to answer with a shouted “Coming!” before she opened the door for him.

 

The girl had at least five inches on him, and straight blonde hair that cascaded down her shoulders, the tips reaching all the way down to her waist. She was lean but athletic, the leggings she was wearing tightly hugging her muscular legs. Maybe Mrs Alberts hadn’t been wrong when she said Neil was a lucky boy.

The girl, his new roommate, gave him a curious look. Neil raised his key at her in return.

  
“Hi, I’m Neil. I’m your new roommate.”

 

“Oh!” Immediately her face lit up with realisation and a smile spread on her lips, “Hi! I’m Katelyn, so nice to meet you! Come in.”   
Katelyn ushered Neil inside, gave him a short look, looked outside again and then back at him.

“Is that all you have?” She asked, pointing at the bag hanging off his shoulder.

 

“The rest is coming tomorrow. I’m getting it delivered. It was too much of a hassle to get it all over here by plane.”

 

“Oh, alright. Where are you from then?”

 

“England.”

 

“Wow! That’s far. Have you been to the US before?” Katelyn guided Neil further inside the room that seemed to be the living room. There was a comfortable looking couch with fluffy, pink cushions, a big TV and two desks, one of them covered in school work. Neil sat down on the couch, after Katelyn made an offering gesture.

 

“Yes, a couple times. But never to South Carolina.”

 

“It’s nice here, you’ll see,” she said, “You want a drink?”

 

***

 

“So, Neil,” Katelyn said after they had been idly chatting for about half an hour, just exchanging basic infos about each other, “Since you’ve been put into Foxtower it means you’re on one of the sport teams. Which one is it?” But before Neil could even answer she stopped him with an excited hand and bounced up and down her seat.

“Oh, wait, wait, can I guess?” 

Neil shrugged.

 

“Sure,” he said.

Katelyn eyed him carefully, looking him up from head to toe. She took in his height, his slender but muscular figure, his outfit. Usually his outfit would probably give him away, but since he spent hours on a plane today he dressed for the occasion, which meant sweatpants, sneakers and a plain shirt. Katelyn made a small noise.

 

“Are you on the swim team?”

 

“No.” Though he had to give her it was an educated guess. She seemed like a clever young woman - Neil liked that.

  
“Well, it’s definitely not the football team.” Neil snorted at that.

 

“No, definitely not the football team,” he agreed, amused. The only reason he’d be found anywhere near the footballers would have nothing to do with sports and everything with the players.

 

“Lacrosse?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Okay, then there’s only one left I could imagine you in.” A small but excited grin spread on her lips and Neil raised a curious eyebrow.

 

“And that would be?”

 

“The Vixens. Our cheer squad.”

 

“Correct.” 

 

To say Katelyn looked excited at that was an understatement. She threw her arms up and yelled a loud cheer that startled Neil into leaning back on the couch until he had to brace himself on one hand. 

  
“Sorry, I’m sorry,” she laughed at Neil’s confused look and waved her hands around in an apologetic gesture, “It’s just, I’m on the squad, too, and I’m  _ so excited _ that we’re opening auditions for guys, too, this year. There was a lot of resistance from PSU officials about this - you know old straight men and their beloved gender roles - but we wouldn’t let it go so they eventually agreed. And you’re the first one to audition this year I meet, so you get all the excitement.”

 

It was actually cute how pumped Katelyn was for this. Neil didn’t know how these men had resisted for so long - growing up doing a sport that was heavily dominated by women, Neil had a deep respect for them and their strength, both mentally and physically, and wouldn’t want to stand against a group of angry cheerleaders. 

 

“Well, I guess I’ll see you at the audition tomorrow, then,” Neil said. Katelyn nodded.

 

“I’m crossing my fingers for you, you seem like a nice guy, I’d love to have you on the squad.”

 

“Thanks. I’ll be giving it all I got.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to visit and support me on [my tumblr](http://fox-sleeping-minyard.tumblr.com/) and chat with me! ♥


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On his way to the Vixen auditions, Neil already meets some of the Foxes.   
> There is one face that is particularly familiar to him and that he had looked forward to seeing again, but does that mean this encounter will go down well?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your lovely comments on the first two chapters!  
> I'm glad so many of you seem to be looking forward to this, and I hope I won't disappoint ♥  
> I decided to upload the next chapter a bit earlier than planned because I will be with my family for the weekend and won't be able to post the chapter then :)

Neil’s things arrived safely at his dorm the day after. Two men carried it all up for him and he only had to sort through the boxes and put everything in its place - but that had to wait until after the auditions. Those were today as well, and they started in an hour. 

Once the men were finished carrying all of Neil’s things up to his room he gave them a hefty tip and then vanished into the bedroom to change into something more suitable for dancing. Katelyn was gone since long before his stuff arrived. She had to prepare everything for the auditions with her girls and go through the details again, which meant he could change in peace and then make his way over to court.

 

The Foxhole Court was the home stadium of PSU’s Class I Exy team the Foxes, but the Vixens used it for their practices as well. Usually their schedules didn’t overlap, Katelyn had told him, but when Neil arrived at the building he spotted three girls in front of it that looked vaguely familiar to him. Those must be the Foxes’ ladies.

 

“Excuse me,” Neil stopped a few feet away from them and all three looked up when he addressed them.

 

“Yeah?” One of them said. Neil thought he remembered her name was Danielle Wilds.

 

“Can you tell me where the entrance is?”

 

“Sure, just go along this fence and you can’t miss it,” Danielle said with a friendly smile, pointing Neil in the direction of the entrance.

 

“Are you here for the Vixens’ audition? I heard they are opening them for male Cheerleaders, too, this year,” another girl asked after assessing his look. Her hair was white with rainbow coloured tips and her smile was soft and warm. It was the kind of smile that wrapped around you like a warm blanket on a winter night. Neil answered with a short nod and her smile widened a bit.

“Good luck, then.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

***

 

Neil’s eyes were glued to his phone when he entered the Foxhole Court. Stuart was texting him to make sure Neil and his belongings all arrived safely in South Carolina and sometimes it was hard to shake him off, even after giving him the answers he wanted. He kept asking if his room was alright, if his roommate was nice, how the weather was compared to London. With a small sigh Neil answered all of his questions. 

He did not see the two people coming towards him until he ran into one of them, stumbled two steps back and threw the tall young man a withering glare.

 

“Watch where you’re going, mate.”

 

“Excuse me?!” Neil would recognise that face anywhere, even if he was dressed in bright orange. Kevin Day brushed his jersey off with a scandalised look on his face. An excited rush went through Neil at seeing him again in person, but it didn’t lessen the annoyance at what happened.

 

“Apology accepted,” Neil said.

 

“This wasn’t an apology,  _ you _ ran into  _ me _ . Do you even know who I am?”   
  
Really? The old “do you know who I am”? Apparently the smile-faced, charming persona people saw of him on TV wasn’t the real Kevin. The excitement turned into irritation and Neil could feel it show on his face.

 

“Actually, I do. But you know what? I don’t give a flying fuck whether you’re Kevin  _ fucking _ Day or the bloody Queen. Get your head out of your arse, will you? Maybe then you’ll see where you’re going and won’t run into people.”

 

The loud, amused snort coming from the other young man made Neil turn his angry gaze away from a dumbfounded Kevin and acknowledge his neighbor for the first time. Smaller than Neil and blond, and a grin on his lips that was equally amused as condescending - that must be Andrew Minyard, then. Neil had only heard little about him, but he knew that he was always seen at Kevin’s side since Kevin joined the Foxes. And that he turned Riko and Kevin down, when they offered him a place on the Raven’s roster - that last piece of information immediately made him more likeable to Neil. 

“Look, look, Kevin, he’s a comedian,” Andrew said, pointing a finger at Neil but looking up at Kevin with a manic smile. Kevin wasn’t too impressed by neither Neil nor Andrew, and Neil was almost certain he’d drop dead on the spot if looks could kill. To be fair, he’d probably be long dead if looks could kill, Kevin wasn’t the first to look at Neil this way and he wouldn’t be the last. 

Before either of them could say anything else that could make this encounter go down even worse, Katelyn’s voice reached them.

 

“Neil! Come in quick, we’re gonna start the auditions soon.”

 

Neil looked past Kevin and Andrew at Katelyn who was standing by the plexiglass doors a couple feet away, smiling and waving at him.

“Right, gentlemen, have a lovely afternoon,” Neil said, not even trying to sound sincere, “I have to attend an audition now.” With that, he pushed through between Kevin and Andrew, giving either of them a good push against their shoulder with his own. He heard the exasperated noise Kevin made and couldn’t help the smug grin that reached his lips, but didn’t turn around on his way to Katelyn.

 

“I see you’ve met Kevin and Andrew,” Katelyn said when Neil was close enough for her to curl an arm around his shoulder and gently lead him onto the court.

 

“Yes. Lovely lads. Had a great chat.”

 

Katelyn raised an eyebrow at him, clearly not believing a single word of what he just said. Not that there was any reason to believe him.

 

“Yeah, no, Kevin is a cock, isn’t he?”

 

“He is,” Katelyn agreed, laughing, “But he’s a really good player and the only chance to success we have this year.”

 

“What about Andrew?” Neil asked. He finally threw a glance over his shoulder to where he and Kevin had their little dispute, but both Kevin and Andrew were already gone.

 

“What about him?” Katelyn followed his gaze, then looked back at Neil. 

Neil looked back at her, tilting his head ever so slightly as if it was obvious what he meant.

 

“He’s hot.”

 

Katelyn tripped over her own feet, caught herself by holding onto Neil’s shoulders while Neil stretched his arms to catch her, and then just stared at him with big eyes for an eternity.

Did he say something wrong? Oh, shit, was he Katelyn’s boyfriend? That would be embarrassing.

 

“Oh my God, Neil, no.” Katelyn said, shaking her head urgently, “Bad idea,  _ very _ bad idea. Don’t get close to Andrew. He’s probably not just gonna hurt your feelings, he’s gonna hurt  _ you _ , too.”

Neil frowned at that. Somewhere in the back of his head he remembered he read something about Andrew serving jail time, but, honestly, that wasn’t a surprise with someone who played for the Foxes. The whole team consisted of delinquents and junkies. Not that Neil had a white vest. At all.

But that was no reason for him not to climb Andrew like a tree.

 

“Calm down, Katelyn, I don’t wanna marry him. I just think he’s handsome.”

 

“No, really, Neil. Andrew is a psychopath. His own teammates call him “the Monster”. He’s on some weird mood-lifting drugs to prevent him from just stabbing people in the face. If you wanna go at it with an athlete, feel free to do so, we don’t have a rule against that, but for your own sake, choose anyone but Andrew.”

 

Neil looked at Katelyn with a blank expression. There was more than pure speculation and rumors behind her urgent advice. She was genuinely worried Neil might get hurt, in many ways, if he tried to get close to Andrew in any way. 

 

“You’re scared of him,” he said eventually.

 

“Yes.” Katelyn’s laugh was humorless. “Yes, I am. I’ve had a couple unpleasant encounters with him. Believe me when I tell you, you don’t want to get anywhere close to him.”

 

Neil appreciated the sentiment, but he knew himself too well to believe things like that would discourage him. He met people way worse than Andrew - but Katelyn didn’t know that. If anything, these things only made him more curious about Andrew. Maybe she was right, and maybe Andrew turned out to be a violent asshole, but he’d have to find that out himself. And Neil was in no way helpless if it came down to a physical fight - though people tended to underestimate him.

 

“Kay!” One of the cheerleaders shouted over to them, “I think everyone’s here, let’s start!”


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Vixens and the Foxes meet, and of course it's bound to go downhill somehow.  
> However, even Neil is surprised at the turn this meeting took. And he's even more surprised about the news they get that day.

“I’m so excited about having you on the squad now, Neil!” Katelyn said as she helped Neil sort through his boxes and put all his things into their places. 

The auditions had been harder than expected - apparently Americans took their cheerleading a bit more serious than the Brits. After an exhausting hour of testing the candidates’ stamina the current Vixens taught them last year’s choreo. For some people the auditions ended there already, those who failed at cardio and those who couldn’t keep up with the choreo well enough. The others made it to a part where each of them had to present the just learned choreography. Afterwards, the Vixens would decided if it was good enough or not and their Captain - who was, by the way, Katelyn, who completely failed to mention that with a single word to Neil - would declare their decision.

Which, for Neil, had been a very enthusiastic: “We’d like to welcome you on the Squad, Neil!”

 

Now, an hour later, both of them had had a shower and were back at the dorm.

“So what’s the team like?” Neil asked, his hands busy folding his shirts.

 

“The Foxes?” Katelyn asked. She threw a quick glance at him before she went back to putting his books on the bookshelf.   
“Hmmh,” Katelyn made a thoughtful noise, then shrugged, “They’re nice. Most of them. Seth is a bit difficult sometimes but he’s okay. Matt is a sweetheart. The girls are all great, even though they couldn’t be any more different from each other personality-wise if they tried. And Andrew’s lot… Well, Nicky and Aaron are nice. It’s actually just Andrew and Kevin who are, like… really difficult to handle.”

When Katelyn saw Neil’s pensive expression she smiled.

“Well, you’re going to meet them later, so you can see for yourself.” 

 

Indeed, a little while later the new cheer squad met at the Court again to watch the Foxes’ afternoon practice and get to know the team. Both Katelyn and Coach Wymack thought it important that the team and the cheerleaders knew each other, so they’d know who they were even cheering for. Even if, as Katelyn said, Coach Wymack wasn’t entirely sure if getting to know the Foxes wouldn’t dim the Vixens’ willingness to cheer for the team.

Neil for one was looking forward to meeting them. He didn’t care for the team, really, just two people in specific and for entirely different reasons: Kevin and Andrew. He was fascinated by their relationship. Wherever Kevin went Andrew was and the other way round - either they clicked right after Kevin joined the Foxes - which, honestly, was the less likely option in Neil’s opinion after meeting Kevin earlier - or there was something else behind it. 

Neil knew everything about Kevin. He knew about the Moriyamas, he knew about what happened behind the scenes in the Nest and he knew what really happened to his hand. He knew that Kevin grew up with the Moriyamas after Kayleigh’s untimely death, and that it wasn’t a happy childhood. And then Andrew came, refused the Raven’s and months later, Kevin joined the Foxes - and suddenly they were inseparable. Was there more to this boy than he knew? Neil had to find out. 

 

The Foxes were in the middle of a scrimmage when the Vixens entered the inner court. They watched through the plexiglass walls, most of the new Vixens excited to meet the team, bouncing on the balls of their feet, hands pressed against the plexiglass. Neil watched them with a small grin, then looked at the others who had been on the squad for longer now. They were decidedly more calm, though they did whisper and giggle occasionally, pointing fingers at players and grinning suggestively. Neil directed his gaze back on the court.

 

Neil liked Exy. It was fun to watch and definitely more interesting than its twin Lacrosse. Neil liked how quick and brutal the games were. He used to play himself, just for a short while though. While he enjoyed being on the court and getting into physical fights, his heart was sold to dancing since he was four years old and there was just too much of a risk of an injury that would restrict his ability to dance. It was something he wasn’t willing to risk, so he went back to being a spectator. He hadn’t really paid american Exy much attention as the sport was a big hit in the UK, too, and they had some fantastic teams themselves, so his knowledge of american teams -  _ especially _ College teams - was limited. The only reason he knew about the Ravens and Foxes was Kevin.

The longer he watched, the more he questioned Kevin’s choice to join the Foxes. He felt the excitement of the other new Vixens die down slowly, too, as it became evident what an unbelievably dysfunctional team the Foxes were. They got into fights more often than not, especially Kevin and Seth were always at each other's throats. Their defense line was  _ okay _ . Danielle was more busy with getting her players back in line and off each other than the actual game. The only calm anchor in this whole mess of a scrimmage were the two goalkeepers. Renee Walker was her name, Katelyn had told Neil. Neil remembered her as the girl with the warm smile when she took her helmet off during a short break. She stood in her goal, calmed her teammates down with gentle hands and, Neil figured, just as gentle words, if needs be, and tried her best to block the shots she got. She wasn’t a perfect goalie, but a really good one. At least she actually  _ tried _ , which couldn’t be said about their other goalkeeper. 

Andrew was as much of a calm anchor as Renee, if for an entirely different reason: he just didn’t seem to care. At all. He stood in goal, his racquet propped against the floor and leaning on it, not even trying to block any shots. When a ball shot past him he just followed it with a lazy gaze, watched as the goal lit up red, and turned back to his teammates without any indication of interest. Kevin was going insane, shouting at Andrew to guard his goal loud enough Neil could hear it, if muffled, through the plexiglass. Andrew just shrugged and said something that seemed to get Kevin even more angry. Right, definitely not friends. There must be more to Andrew than Neil knew, and this not-knowing was infuriating yet tempting to him.

 

Katelyn sighed next to him and Neil teared his gaze from the fight on court to look at her questioningly. Katelyn smiled a tired smile.

“See, this is why we need Kevin,” she said, gesturing vaguely at that whole mess playing out in front of them, “He’s an asshole, but he’s a champion. He’s good at what he does. We need someone who’s good and who cares.”

 

“But does he care enough for everyone?” Neil asked, raising an eyebrow. He had never seen someone care so little about something as Andrew seemed to care about guarding his goal. Why they even put up with his attitude was a mystery to him. Katelyn just shrugged with a humorless smile on her lips. It was answer enough.

 

It got only slightly better until the scrimmage was over. They all took their helmets off for a short drink break. Next to him, Katelyn perked up suddenly, standing on her tiptoes and staring onto the court intently. Before Neil could ask he noticed one of the players turning towards the plexiglass. Neil was taken aback for a second, thrown off by the face that was looking at them that looked like Andrew’s, when Andrew was clearly still standing in goal. Oh. He didn’t know there was a twin. 

The twin smiled when he spotted the Vixens - not the same manic grin Andrew usually wore, but a genuine, somewhat shy, smile and waved. Katelyn immediately waved back.  _ Oh _ . Okay.

 

“So is that twin not crazy, then?” Neil asked, teasingly. Katelyn jumped and turned to Neil with an expression as if he caught her doing something forbidden. She grinned, her cheeks turning a pretty shade of pink.

 

“No,” she said, half-laughing, “Aaron is the normal one.”

 

“Is he now? And do you maybe have a crush on him?”

 

“Maybe,” she answered, her grin widening but turning a bit embarrassed. 

 

“So should I expect regular visits to our dorm?” Katelyn seemed almost shocked at this suggestion and hit Neil’s shoulder without any power behind it.

 

“No, it’s not like that,” she said. Neil just raised an eyebrow at her.

 

“It’s… Difficult,” she said, squirming on her feet and lowering her voice so only Neil would hear her. What could possibly be so difficult about this, when Aaron clearly liked her back? Come on, that smile he just threw her spoke a thousand words. “Andrew hates me.”

 

Oh, dear. This sounded like the beginning of a high school movie. 

 

“I don’t know what’s going on between the two, but it’s keeping Aaron away from me.”

 

“Really? That’s a bit childish, isn’t it?”

 

“If you knew Andrew, you’d know it’s better not to go against his will. It can go really badly. I think Aaron just wants to protect me from him.”

 

Neil frowned. When Katelyn talked about Andrew, it was as if she was talking about a monster, not a person. But then again, she told him his own teammates called him exactly that - the Monster. Maybe Andrew really wasn’t someone Neil should underestimate, considering the way people seemed to talk about and act around him, in addition to the fact that Kevin was glued to him since leaving the Ravens. Kevin, whose whole life was full of torture and murder. Maybe Andrew was more than what met the eye.

Unfortunately, that only made Neil even more curious.

 

“Okay, Ladies.” Neil and the other Vixens turned at the sound of a voice and were faced with a middle-aged man, tribal flame tattoos snaking up his arms. Coach Wymack looked at them and his expression wavered for a second before he hastily added: “And- uh, Gentlemen. Sorry. Not used to you guys being a mixed squad yet.” The Vixens snickered, and Neil couldn’t help a tiny grin either.

“Are you ready to meet the team? It’s your last chance to run.”

 

“We’re ready, Coach,” Katelyn said in all of their stead and Wymack nodded. He pounded a fist against the plexiglass and the team stopped, lowering their racquets and taking off their helmets.

“Break time! Get presentable, I’m sending the Vixens in. And if any of you shitheads isn’t nice I’ll sign you up for a marathon! Did you hear that, Andrew?!”

Andrew took his helmet off and answered with a grin and an exaggerated shrug that had Wymack sighing and shaking his head. The doors were opened for them and the squad went onto the court. Most of the Foxes were gathered in the middle of it by the time they arrived - the only exception were the twins and Kevin. Aaron stood a couple feet away, arms crossed and a blank expression on his face. Andrew was still in his goal, taking his sweet time taking off his gloves and taking a drink before looking at the Vixens with a manic grin. Kevin just didn’t seem to care at all, not even when Danielle shot him a dirty look.

 

“Hey guys,” Katelyn greeted happily and was welcomed with just as much enthusiasm from the Foxes. She introduced the present Foxes and her new Vixens and in a matter of seconds, Nicky was all over them, going on about how great it was to have male cheerleaders, too, now.

 

“Finally I’ll have something to look at, too. No offense, girls, you’re all gorgeous!” Katelyn and some of the older Vixens laughed and waved him off.

Neil didn’t pay much attention, he was too distracted by Andrew. He watched as Andrew gathered his stuff and noticed in the corner of his eye how Kevin made his way over the court towards him. When he reached Andrew he said something to him, which Andrew only regarded with a shrug. Kevin said something again, this time with more heat and Andrew looked up, eyed him, then held out his hand. Neil wondered what it was that he wanted, and only a couple seconds later Kevin offered his left hand. Andrew took it, placing it in the palm of his own right hand while he undid Kevin’s glove with his left. It was a show of casual closeness Neil hadn’t expected at all, especially not from those two, so his eyes were trained on them as Andrew examined Kevin’s scars. Suddenly Andrew ripped his eyes off Kevin’s hand and looked up, right at Neil. Neil didn’t avert his eyes and stared back. This seemed to amuse Andrew, because a big grin split his lips. Or maybe he didn’t find it funny at all and it was his medication that made him respond like this. Either way, Neil lowered his eyes at him but smiled back, calm and pointedly unbothered by the threat in Andrew’s grin, then turned towards the others who were busy getting to know each other.

It took more than a scary grin and some violent rumors to turn Neil away from someone he found fascinating. With the life he lead up to this point even literal murder would probably only make him more curious. It was a mixture of morbid fascination with violence and danger, an obsession with knowing whether someone was a potential threat or helpful tool to him, and an unhealthy apathy towards violence and death. All of these were the reasons he was here in the first place. Well, these reasons and Neil’s undying need to make the life of those he hated a living hell. Maybe Stuart was right when he told him he had an attitude problem. But, really, whose fault was that?

 

“Hey, Kevin, are you finally coming over to meet the Vixens, too?” Dan asked, arms crossed over her chest, heat in her voice. Matt placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently.

Kevin and Andrew were approaching the group of Foxes and Vixens with Aaron a foot behind them. It was if Aaron awaited permission to approach them. This was ridiculous. 

Kevin didn’t dignify her with a verbal answer, just a mere look that oozed so much disapproval and arrogance it didn’t just make Dan visibly angry, even Neil felt his temper burning up deep inside his chest. He knew he should just let it be, but he was so annoyed by Kevin’s attitude he couldn’t hold a snarky remark in.

 

“Oh, look, it’s Thicc und Doof finally reunited after an excruciating 60 minutes of practice,” he snapped. He expected the confused looks around him - because he chose to say these words in german. One of Neil’s favourite ways to say something rude without getting into trouble for it was saying it in a different language. Kevin looked very confused, as expected. What he did  _ not _ expect, was the sudden laugh coming from Andrew, and Aaron and Nicky looking at each other with a mix of shock and confusion.

 

“Did he just call them Dick und Doof?” Nicky asked - in german. 

 

“I think he said  _ thick _ ,” Aaron responded, also switching to german.

 

“Hey, he really is a comedian,” Andrew snickered. In german, too. Oh shit.

 

“Please tell me who of them is “Thicc” and who is “Doof”, I  _ need _ to know this,” Nicky pleaded. 

Neil stared at them in disbelief.

“Wait, you guys speak german? Shit.”

 

“Yes, we do,” Aaron said, eyeing Neil warily.

 

“I lived there and those two took it in middle school, because I could tutor them,” Nicky explained, “And now please tell me who is who.” 

Well, that was something to remember then: be careful with his languages around the cousins.

Nicky was still looking at him expectantly, so Neil let his eyes wander to Andrew and Kevin and, switching back to english, said: “Well, I’m surely not calling Kevin clever.”

That was enough to send Nicky into a laughing fit. Andrew looked amused and annoyed at the same time and Kevin, now understanding his insults again, gave him the dirtiest look yet. Aaron just made a disgusted noise and rolled his eyes.

 

A hand curled around Neil’s wrist and pulled on it, and when Neil turned his head he was looking right into Katelyn’s questioning eyes.

“What on earth?” She whispered. Neil just shrugged. 

She made an effort to get past those weird few minutes and soon the conversation lived back up. Kevin was too busy shooting daggers at Neil with his eyes to say anything, and Neil was too busy ignoring him to contribute much to the conversation as well. 

 

Coach Wymack gave them half an hour for the two teams to meet before he ushered the Vixens off the court again and the Foxes took their practice back up. They didn’t hang around afterwards, instead everyone went back to their dorms and said their goodbyes until tomorrow. 

Neil and Katelyn retired to their couch and turned on the TV, sharing a bag of crisps and drinking soda. She didn’t ask about the incident earlier anymore, but Neil knew it was still on her mind.

 

“I learned german at school,” he said. Katelyn looked surprised but not displeased. It wasn’t the whole truth, but enough to give her. “I like to insult people in it because most don’t understand. I didn’t expect the cousins to.”

She laughed at that and pushed a crisp in her mouth.

“Understandable. What did you guys talk about?”

 

“Nothing, really. I was surprised they speak german and they were surprised I speak german. I insulted Kevin and indirectly called Andrew hot-”

 

“Excuse me you did  _ what _ ?!” The face she made was priceless. It was utter shock written all over her features, but then she suddenly burst out laughing. “Oh my God, Neil!”

 

“What? I’m just telling the truth.”

 

“But it’s  _ Andrew _ ! I’m surprised you’re still alive.”

 

“Let’s see how far I can get and stay alive, shall we?”

 

Katelyn shook her head at him. It was an equally exasperated and resigned gesture.

 

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

 

“I won’t.”

 

For a while they stayed quiet, watching TV, until Katelyn spoke up again.

“Word is, Andrew and Renee have a thing.” Neil raised an eyebrow and looked at her when she said that. “Just saying. If I can’t keep you from trying I might as well help you out with all I know.”

Now, that was the kind of support Neil needed. He grinned and turned towards her on the sofa, pulling one leg up to sit on it.

“How reliable is that rumor?”

 

“I don’t know. I don’t see it. I mean, I guess he’s kinda friendly towards her - as friendly as Andrew gets - but I don’t see anything else between them. But I’m not on the team, and I know some of the Foxes think Andrew and Renee are fucking. They’re betting on it.” This was certainly a piece of information worth finding out. How, Neil didn’t know yet, but he was positive he’d find a way. 

 

“ _ And now on to some breaking news about the Class I Exy championships that are just about to start! _ ”

 

The news anchor’s words immediately attracted both Neil’s and Katelyn’s attention and distracted them from their current conversation.    
“Breaking news?” Katelyn asked warily, as if he would answer to her directly. She did get an answer, though, even if it was one she clearly didn’t want.

 

“ _ The ERC announced today, that there will be a historic district change just before the start of the championships. The undefeated South Carolina’s Edgar Allan Ravens will transfer to the southeastern district, pitching them against teams such as the Breckenridge Jackals and South California’s Trojans. But the probably most anticipated match will be when they meet Palmetto State’s Foxes, the district’s outlier team which has recently been joined by Kevin Day, the Ravens’ former starting striker. Fans and officials alike are anticipating this monumental match between the formerly inseparable Riko Moriyama and Kevin Day, meeting on court as rivals for the first time! _ ”

 

There was no sound in the room. Katelyn turned the TV off as soon as the anchor finished his speech and complete silence settled over them. Neil didn’t even dare to breathe. The Ravens changed districts. Riko Moriyama would be in the same room as him in a short while, and the thought alone made Neil’s pulse rush, his palms sweat and his head dizzy in anticipation. So many plans and ways and tricks to meet Riko in his mind, all thought up and planned out before he even came to the US, and now Riko made it  _ so easy _ for him, literally running right into his arms. Of course Riko had no idea Neil was part of the Vixens now. Neil knew exactly what this district change was for. They wanted to pitch Riko and Kevin against each other. Riko wanted to put fear into Kevin again, wanted to have his hand back over him and control him. But Neil didn’t care. All he could see was this opportunity to be close to Riko again. 

 

He couldn’t wait for the season to start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short explanation: "Dick und Doof" is the german name for the comedy duo Laurel and Hardy. "dick" means big/fat and "doof" means stupid, and each word is referring to one of the two men. "They are like Dick und Doof" is a commonly used phrase in german to use for two people who are almost always found in a pair and are,,,,,,,not the sharpest tools in the box  
> Neil altered the name to make it more fitting for Andrew and Kevin :p


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's game night! Finally Neil gets to wear his new uniform for the first time, cheer for the Foxes and watch them play. He doesn't have much faith in the team, but that doesn't matter, it's just his job to pretend like he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look, just a week late!  
> I'm sorry guys, I had the chapter ready, waiting to be proof-read and uploaded, but I was visiting my family from friday to wednesday, so I didn't find any time to upload :')  
> But! At least it's a long chapter, and there's stuff happening lol

The first day of classes was fun and interesting. A lot of people had been wearing orange as a show of school spirit. So had both Katelyn and Neil, and in addition they were sporting little fox ears throughout the day that Katelyn put on their heads just before they left their room. But the really important day was the friday after - game day.

It was the first Foxes game of the season and the cheerleaders were expected to flounce around campus in their uniforms and get everyone fired up for the upcoming game. It was the first time Neil got to wear his new uniform; it was was a blinding orange with white. The design of the uniforms were the same for girls and boys, a big foxpaw right on the chest and in big letters it said “VIXENS” right above it. But where Katelyn had a crop top and a skirt, Neil was wearing a regular tank top and shorts. 

 

“What are you doing?” Katelyn asked, trying to keep the laugh out of her voice as she watched Neil modifying his uniform.

 

“Making it look better, obviously.” He said as he put a knot into the front of his top so it was showing just as much midriff as Katelyn’s. 

 

“Obviously,” she giggled. When Neil pulled the shorts higher up so the waistband was almost all the way up to his waist and the hem of the shorts just so covered his ass, Katelyn let out a scandalised yet clearly amused, “Neil!”

 

“What, Kay?” Neil asked, turning to Katelyn to let her marvel at his creation, “Just because I’m a guy I’m not allowed to look good in this?”

 

“No, no, you are,” she laughed, giving him a thumbs-up, “Love it. Now come on, let’s get some school spirit into our fellow students!”

 

They took their pompoms and made their way to campus where they met the rest of the squad. Everyone was excited for the day and especially for the game later. Neil didn’t ask if anyone thought the Foxes would win - he didn’t know what Breckenridge was like, but he doubted a win nevertheless after seeing them practice. But a bit of good mood wouldn’t hurt either way.

They split up to go to their classes, waving pompoms and cheering for the Foxes, getting the other students in the right mood for the game. It was fun, Neil thought, the Vixens were a lovely group and Palmetto’s students seemed to pick up on their cheer rather quickly.

For lunch, Neil met up with Katelyn again. They didn’t share any classes since Katelyn majored in biochem while Neil majored in maths, and she was a year above him. 

Lunch was filled with idle chit-chat and mediocre, at best, food, before they went off to stroll around campus again. This time it was just the two of them, but that didn’t mean the students around them didn’t holler at them to which Katelyn and Neil replied with shaking pompoms and cheers. That was until Neil spotted two people in Foxes jerseys. Immediately, Neil grabbed Katelyn’s arm and jerked his head in their direction.

 

“Oh, no. No, Neil,” she said, shaking her head, but Neil was already pulling her towards them.

  
“Go, Foxes, go,” Neil said when they were in earshot, then pointed one pompom at Kevin and added, “Except you.”

 

“Very mature,” Kevin grunted.

 

“Oh, the funny one, hello!” Andrew’s grin was wider than ever and he pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He didn’t even look at Katelyn, let alone greet her. Katelyn didn’t seem to mind, she half-hid behind Neil despite being five inches taller than him and stared in the other direction.

“Hello, Andrew,” Neil responded instead of acknowledging his and Katelyn’s childish display of dislike, “Are you excited for tonight’s game?” The response was a laugh and Andrew throwing his hands up in an exaggerated gesture.

“Oh, so much,” he said, “I can’t wait to waste another 90 minutes of my time on stickball.” Kevin threw him a disapproving glare, but Andrew completely ignored him in favor of grinning his manic grin at Neil. Instead of directing his frustration at Andrew, Kevin decided to take it out on Neil.

“Shouldn’t you be wearing your uniform properly?”

 

“What’s it to you?” Neil asked, raising his chin in a challenge. Kevin lowered his eyes at him.

 

“You represent our team. You should look acceptable.”

 

“What exactly is your problem with how I’m wearing my uniform? Got problems hiding your boner, Day?” Kevin immediately flushed a deep shade of pink at that accusation.

 

“What?! I- I’m not--,” he stuttered.

 

“Gay?” Neil suggested with a blank stare.

 

“Yes!”

 

“Just homophobic, then?”

 

“No!” Kevin made a frustrated noise and threw his hands up angrily. “Andrew, we’re leaving,” he huffed, cheeks still burning, before storming off.

Andrew stayed behind for a couple seconds longer and just followed Kevin with his gaze and a slow grin that didn’t reach his eyes. As he set off to follow him, Andrew let his gaze wander to Neil one last time, who winked at him in return, which Andrew chose to ignore.

 

A shaky sigh behind him led Neil’s attention back to Katelyn. She looked defeated and disbelieving, and slowly started to shake her head when Neil was looking at her.

“Honestly, Neil,” she said, “Do you have a death wish?”

 

“Not really,” Neil replied before setting off in the opposite direction as Kevin and Andrew.

 

***

 

Neil had to admit, he admired the Palmetto students’ loyalty to their team. It wasn’t hard for the Vixens to get them cheering and screaming in the stands, despite how broken and low ranked their team was. The Foxes were still in the changing room, likely talking strategy or getting a pep talk by coach Wymack - or maybe they were going at each other's throats, who knew. 

Neil only threw a quick glance over his shoulder when the Foxes fans started to shout profanities and whistle and saw the Jackals coming onto court for their warm-up. Katelyn tried to get their attention back to the cheerleaders by starting another choreo and the others fell in quickly with a semi-successful outcome. Well, at least they weren’t cussing the other team out anymore. For the most part. 

 

“Do you think this is gonna end well?” Neil asked Katelyn when they made their way to the sidelines to have a drink and give the teams enough space to run laps. Katelyn shrugged and opened her bottle.

 

“Honestly? Not if they keep up the same attitudes as last season.”

 

Well, that was encouraging now, wasn’t it? 

Neil watched as the Foxes and Jackals ran past them in steady rhythms and slowly felt the buzz of game night flaring up in his veins. Right now he didn’t care how bad the Foxes were, how broken their team was, how much Kevin annoyed him or what he was really here for. Right now he was just Neil Abram Hatford, part of the Vixen squad, ready to get the fans fired up and here to see his team wreak havoc and win.

 

***

 

The fans certainly did get fired up. That was, however, neither thanks to the Vixens nor to an upcoming win for the Foxes. The Vixens tried their best to cheer, but as the game progressed and the Jackals practically ran the Foxes over on court, it got progressively harder to keep a smile on their faces. By the time one of the Breckenridge backliners went out of his way to try and hurt Kevin, not only the fans were shouting profanities again, so was Neil. His temper got the better of him when he saw the backliner take a swing and Kevin’s racquet fall a second later. Kevin was clutching his hand and shaking it while that asshole backliner stole the ball and took off across court.

Neil didn’t remember moving, but he was thumping his fist against the plexiglass angrily and yelling a string of very colourful curses that wouldn’t carry through the plexiglass, let alone all the way to said backliner, but Neil felt like he’d explode if he kept his anger in a second longer. These Jackals were playing unfair, they were trying to hurt the Foxes, specifically Kevin, because they knew he was their best player and their only chance to a somewhat successful season, and Neil wanted to rip each of them a new one for that.

 

“Neil!” A hand was placed on his shoulder and Neil turned, slapped the hand away with too much force and froze when he saw Katelyn in front of him, holding her hand to her chest and looking at him with wide eyes.

“Shit. Sorry, Katelyn.” Okay. Breathe in. Breathe out. Neil clenched his teeth, trying to remember the breathing exercises Stuart taught him to get his temper under control.

 

“Neil, calm down,” Katelyn said. She rubbed her wrist one last time before holding her hand out again, with a careful distance to Neil this time. Neil took the hand and let her lead him back to the others.

“They’re playing unfair,” he said through gritted teeth.

 

“I know,” Katelyn said. Apparently she gathered herself again after Neil’s little outburst, because she curled a gentle arm around his shoulders and pulled him close without hesitation, “Get used to it, honey. The other teams think the Foxes are a joke. It’s on them to prove them wrong.”

 

“He tried to hurt Kevin’s hand!”

 

“I know. I know,” she sighed and rubbed a hand across her neck, “But, doesn’t that just mean they’re scared of what Kevin’s presence on the Foxes’ roster could mean for them?”

 

She was right. Of course she was right. Neil turned silent and threw another glance to court. Kevin and Seth were going at each other again and the Jackals were watching with glee. But maybe Kevin could really turn this team around. Neil certainly hoped so.

 

“But we can’t leave all the work to Kevin, can we?” Neil said eventually, looking back at Katelyn. 

 

“No,” Katelyn said, shaking her head softly with a grin growing on her lips, “No, we can’t. So let’s go and do our part of the job, yeah?” Neil nodded, and together with the rest of their squad they made the fans chant encouragement and sing the Foxes’ fight song.

 

***

 

When the final buzzer sounded, the game ended with a sobering 7-9 score, Breckenridge’s favour. It could’ve been worse, but it certainly could’ve been better, too. The team looked defeated and angry at the same time when they made their way past the Vixens to their locker room. The cheerleaders left shortly after, showered and changed and made their way out of the stadium. Neil noticed Katelyn hanging back and saw her turning around a corner when the rest of them went straight ahead to where they parked their cars.

“Neil, where are you going?” Melissa, one of the older girls on the squad, asked him when Neil stopped and turned.

“I forgot something inside, just leave without me,” he said.

 

“Are you sure?” Melissa asked.

 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

 

“Okay. See you tomorrow.”

 

Neil followed where Katelyn went. He thought he lost her when he followed the path he thought she took but didn’t spot her. He didn’t know where or why she went and was about to give up on finding her when he turned another corner and spotted two familiar blond heads.

Quickly, Neil went a couple steps back and hid behind the corner. Oh, okay then. That explained it.

A quick glance around the wall confirmed what he thought he saw: Katelyn was meeting Aaron behind the Court’s building. It was almost cute, if it wasn’t so childish. They were holding hands, whispering words to each other Neil couldn’t understand and exchanging chaste, almost shy, kisses. But instead of doing it at the dorm or the library or a bloody café they met in secret after a disastrous game, hiding in the dark because, apparently, both were too afraid of Aaron’s brother to make it official. Cowards. 

 

Well, it wasn’t Neil’s business, so he didn’t linger. He might find it childish, but he did want to give them their privacy and time, so with a little huff Neil turned around and made his way back to the parking lot. Maybe someone was still there and could give him a lift.

He made it halfway back before he stopped dead in his tracks.

 

Andrew.

 

Andrew was coming towards Neil, heading in the exact direction where Katelyn and Aaron were schmoozing in the dark. Oh dear.

He seemed somewhat unsteady on his legs and slightly disoriented, and Neil realised he hadn’t seen him anywhere since the halftime break. After the buzzer announced the end of the first half Andrew went to the locker room with his teammates, Nicky’s arm slung tightly around his shoulders, and didn’t return - neither to the court nor the benches. Neil hadn’t thought anything of it during the game, but now he realised how weird it was for Andrew to accept such an intimate touch from his cousin when usually he seemed one wrong word away from snapping his neck. What was almost stranger though was for him to not return from the locker room for the second half of the game. Not that he doubted Andrew’s disinterest in the outcome of the game, but he doubted Wymack’s willingness to let one of his players just hang around the locker room when he might be needed as a sub on court.

 

Neil’s thoughts were interrupted when Andrew’s eyes landed on him. He straightened his shoulders and went straight for Andrew, who, in return, stopped and just watched him with a blank expression. It was disorienting to see Andrew like this, since he usually wore his drug-induced smile.

 

“Hey Andrew,” Neil said and stopped a step away from him, “Are you okay? You seem-” But he didn’t get to finish his sentence. The manic grin returned to Andrew’s face with such surprising force and intensity, Neil almost took a step back. Almost.

 

“Oh! The new cheerleader. The funny one. A true comedian! What's your name, by the way?”

 

“Neil.” The answer was slow. Neil lowered his eyes at Andrew suspiciously. Something was wrong, but he hadn’t figured out what it was yet.

“Neil,” Andrew drew the word long, as if testing it out, rolling his head from side to side without looking at Neil until suddenly he did, his eyes intense and sharp enough to make Neil flinch, “Neil, Neil, Neil. I don't have time for you right now, little Neil.” Little? He was taller than Andrew! Just a couple inches, but still.

“I'm looking for my brother. Bye-bye!”

 

That was exactly what Neil had feared. He had to stop him from finding his brother and Katelyn or this might end ugly, especially considering the unsteady mental state he seemed to be in right now.    
“Hey, Andrew, wait,” Neil was in Andrew’s space in the matter of a second, stepping right in front of him, their bodies just a breath away and both palms flat on Andrew’s chest, digging his fingertips into his pecs as he leaned in.

  
You learn something new every day, as they said. Today, Neil learned it was a mistake to get too close to Andrew without warning.

Before he realised what was going on, Neil was pinned to the nearest wall, his back hitting the cold stone and harsh fingers wrapping around his throat. The hit he took to his back pushed the air from Neil’s lungs, but the grip on his throat was too tight to let it out in one breath, so he was left gasping it out in broken stutters. Neil’s hands flew up to wrap around Andrew’s wrist, then they both went completely still. The grin was gone again, replaced by the emotionless expression from before. Andrew’s eyes were empty and cold. They were staring each other down, neither of them moving an inch though it grew harder for Neil with each passing second. Andrew’s fingers dug into his neck and tightened around his throat as Neil’s fingers tightened around his wrist. Neil wheezed.

 

“Andrew,” he said hoarsely, but as calm as he could. Quiet again. Neil’s head started to feel dizzy and his fight or flight instinct was screaming at him to fight back, but Neil stayed still. This would only get worse if he’d move.

“Andrew,” he said again and finally Andrew showed some sign that he even heard him. His eyes darted down to his own hand where it was wrapped around Neil’s throat as if he hadn’t even realised he was strangling him, then back up to Neil’s face.

 

“Didn’t your mother teach you not to touch things that aren’t yours?” Andrew’s voice was casual, a complete contrast to his tense shoulders and his cruel fingers. Neil knew he should probably keep his mouth shut, but he wasn’t known for being good at that.

 

“No, actually, she did a piss poor job at teaching me these things.” His voice sounded hoarse and weak, and Neil wanted to kick himself for his big mouth. Andrew seemed just as unimpressed by his words and tightened his hand even more. If he wouldn’t stop soon, Neil would have no other choice but to hurt Andrew, and he really didn’t want to hurt any of the Foxes. Not out of kind-heartedness, but because it would hinder his intentions for coming here. The Foxes were a weak team anyway, weakening them even more by hurting one of their players wouldn’t get him closer to Riko.

 

“Andrew,” Neil wheezed, “Didn’t you say you were looking for Aaron? I saw him a couple minutes ago.” That seemed to catch Andrew’s interest - thank God - and all of a sudden he let go of Neil’s throat.

“Oh, did you now?”

Neil nodded as he gulped in air, rubbing his aching neck with one hand.

 

“Yeah, he went down that way.”

 

Andrew’s eyes followed the direction Neil was pointing his finger at, then back at Neil. He eyed him, probably figuring out whether he believed him or not, then started to walk in the direction Neil sent him without any further words wasted between them. 

Neil stayed where he was, leaning against the wall, holding his neck and breathing hard. He watched Andrew go and shook his head. That was a close call. This was what people meant when they called Andrew a violent monster. 

But, really, in some way it was his own fault, wasn’t it? He got into Andrew’s personal space and touched him, put his hands on him in a clear attempt at flirting with him, and, even though this might have been a very drastic response, Andrew clearly didn’t like Neil coming this close. Neil didn’t know if it was because he just didn’t like him in particular or because he wasn’t interested in men or because of something entirely else, but Neil knew he went out of his lane and Andrew put him back into it. Neil himself tended to take more drastic actions when people did things he didn’t like, so he couldn’t really hold it against Andrew for doing the same.

He’d just have to be more careful around him in the future.

 

Eventually, Neil pushed off the wall and quickly went in the opposite direction of where he sent Andrew.

 

“Hey.”

 

Aaron and Katelyn startled, jumping apart at the sound of a voice and looking terrified for a moment.

 

“Jeez, calm down, it’s just me.” Neil rolled his eyes at them and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I’m just here to tell you that Andrew is looking for you, Aaron. I sent him in the opposite direction.”

 

“Oh-” Was all that Aaron said. Neil waited a moment to see if he had more to say, but he didn’t.

 

“You’re welcome.” Neil grunted, “Now, be a fucking darling and make your way over there because I’m not gonna take another violent outburst from your brother when he realises I lied to him to save your arse. Chop chop.”

 

Aaron threw Neil a glance Neil couldn’t read, but before he could ask Aaron said his goodbye to Katelyn with a last kiss and reluctantly made his way to find his brother. Neil watched him go, before turning to a stunned Katelyn.

 

“Thank you, Neil.”

 

“It’s fine. Let’s go back to the dorm.”

 

***

 

Neil was in the bathroom, eyeing the marks on his throat in the mirror. They were just a faint pink, but they were there, and Neil frowned at them as he reached for his makeup bag. This was by far not the first, and certainly not the last, time he had to cover up bruises, but they were annoying him. 

 

“Neil!” Someone shouted from the living room, “Hurry up, the show starts soon!”

 

Neil made a frustrated noise and all but smashed the blending sponge into his throat as he tried to blend the foundation into his skin. He didn’t even have a coffee yet, okay, he wasn’t in the mood to be rushed for some stupid talk show featuring Kevin “smug bastard” Day as the hot topic of the morning. And he didn’t even know who this Kathy hosting the show was, but everyone seemed to lose their collective shit about the Foxes, or just Kevin, being hosted on her show. He’d rather be watching  _ Good Morning Britain _ and hear about Prince Harry’s latest escapades right now, but over there it was fucking night time or whatever. 

  
When he left the bathroom, Neil frowned at the group of cheerleaders lounging on and around his and Katelyn’s couch, all chatting excitedly and being way too cheery for fucking 7am. Katelyn turned to look at him and as soon as she saw the frown on his face she looked way too amused. 

“Coffee’s all ready in the kitchen, honey,” she said to him, “Go have a cup and join us then, yeah?”

 

The coffee helped (at least a bit) and soon enough, Neil found himself on the couch, squished between Melissa and Katelyn, clutching his mug to his chest as if it held all secrets to life. He tried to watch the show, but as soon as Kevin’s face came on the screen and he smiled this fake publicity-smile of his, Neil rolled his eyes, took a sip of his coffee and decided to look through the news on his phone instead. 

He noticed the girls and guys around him talking excitedly after a while but didn’t really pay it any attention, they had done barely anything else but chatter like a bunch of excited fangirls - but then everyone went quiet. 

Katelyn reached for Neil’s arm, but when he looked up at her, confused, she just stared blankly at the TV screen.

Neil turned his head in time to see Kathy’s smiling face announce:   
  
“Please welcome on to the stage with us: Riko Moriyama!”


	6. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visitor to their dorm, unwillingly, opens a way for Neil to finally meet the person he came to the US for.

The camera switched and Kathy’s face vanished off the screen to make room for a full shot of Riko coming onto the stage with a hard smile, waving at the fans chanting “King! King! King!” from out of shot. 

Neil felt his heart beat all the way to his throat. They didn’t. They couldn’t have done this. There was no way they really put Riko and Kevin in the same room like that. 

 

But they did. 

 

And Riko stood in front of Kevin, holding out expecting arms. Neil felt sick when he watched Kevin hug Riko, like the separated brothers they pretended to be. 

The Vixens suddenly kicked back into motion, shouting at the TV, cursing Kathy and Riko, but Neil stayed quiet. He watched Kevin’s face on the screen, and he saw how his usually pristine television-smile didn’t reach anywhere close to his eyes. He saw Kevin clutching his hands together to stop them from shaking. He saw him rubbing the scars on his left hand.

 

Neil wanted to hurt someone. Instead he wrapped his hands around his coffee mug in a white-knuckled grip and clenched his teeth. 

  
“Neil?” Katelyn’s voice was soft but it still made him flinch. “Are you alright?”

 

“I’m fine,” Neil said through gritted teeth.

They were all angry at Riko for being on that show, at Kathy for inviting him. But not for the right reasons. They didn’t know what really happened to Kevin. They didn’t know the things going on in the Nest. They didn’t know anything, they were just angry about Riko stealing the spotlight from the Foxes.

Neil got up and went to the kitchen to pour himself another cup of coffee. The temper he inherited from his father was burning hot inside his chest and he had to put the mug down and brace himself against the counter so he wouldn’t throw it. 

 

_ One. Two. Three. _

Neil took a deep breath as he counted in his head. His fingers dug into the countertop at the same time, a death grip on the cheap wood.

 

_ Four. Five. Six. _

Breathe out. His breath was shaky and so were his hands. He couldn’t fucking wait for the day he met Riko again.

 

_ Seven. Eight. Nine. _

Another deep breath. Neil let his head drop between his shoulders and stared at his socked feet and the tiles beneath.

 

_ Ten. Eleven. Twelve.  _

He felt his grip on the counter relax, flexed his fingers and rolled his shoulders. One more breath. 

 

_ Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. _

Neil pushed off the counter and took one last deep breath. He heard Stuart’s voice somewhere in the back of his head say  _ ‘Atta boy. Remember, don’t let that temper of yours get the better of you as long as you don’t have someone to take it out on.’ _ . That someone to take it out on was several hundred miles away on a morning TV show right now, so instead Neil just reached for his mug and went back to join the squad on the sofa again.

 

***

 

Ever since the disaster that was Kathy’s show, the Foxes were on edge whenever Neil saw them. But especially Kevin and Andrew seemed ready to snap at every wrong breath. Neil kept away from them as best as he could, not trusting himself not to say something to Kevin.

Of course he could say it in french, he knew Kevin knew french from being close to Jean back in the Nest, but he didn’t know if any of the other Foxes spoke french, too. He didn’t want another surprise when he spoke to Kevin about Riko, like when he spoke german a while ago.

It didn’t seem to help any of the Foxes’ nerves that the fall banquet was just one day away, where they would meet Riko again. When Neil was on his way back to the dorm from today’s classes, he saw Allison and Seth fighting on campus. He didn’t linger to find out what they were fighting about, figuring it was likely something stupid and petty, and just kept walking. He had homework to do after all.

 

He hadn’t done any of his homework by the time Katelyn came back to the dorm and when they settled down on the sofa together to watch TV, Neil decided he’d have enough time between and after classes tomorrow to do them. 

Katelyn told him about something a classmate of hers did today when a knock on the door interrupted their rather one-sided conversation and made both of them turn their heads to the sound. Katelyn was the one to get up and get the door and Neil leaned forwards to sneak a look at their visitor. He started to grin when he saw who it was.

 

“You want me to take a nice, long run?” 

 

Katelyn looked over her shoulder at Neil and giggled, whereas Aaron just threw him an unimpressed stare past her. 

“I’m not here to visit,” he grunted and directed his gaze back at Katelyn, who turned back to him as well, “Allison asked me to ask you to get her a date for tomorrow.”

 

Katelyn looked surprised at that request.

“You mean for the banquet? What about Seth?”

Aaron made an annoyed sound and rolled his eyes, then gave her an exaggerated shrug.

 

“They were fighting, again. And now they have an off-phase, again. She wants to get back at him by taking someone else to the banquet or whatever, and figured since you’ve got male cheerleaders now you could find someone for her quickly.”

 

“Oh,” Katelyn said and made a thoughtful face. Then she turned again. “Neil? Fancy a fall banquet with a bunch of fit athletes in suits?”

 

“What?” Aaron immediately asked, looking horrified.

 

“Sure!” Neil said before Aaron could protest any more.

 

“Great, that’s dealt with then. Do you want to come in and have a drink?” She turned back to Aaron, but Neil heard the smile in her voice. Aaron looked completely dumbfounded and just blinked at her stupidly before snapping back and pressing his lips to a thin line.

“Kay, come on, don’t you have someone else-”

 

“Nope. No, I don’t, sorry, Aaron.”

 

Neil had a feeling Katelyn was taking great joy from sending Neil on that trip with the Foxes, knowing how much Aaron didn’t like him. He didn’t know where that pettiness was coming from, but he figured it had something to do with how  _ she _ was not attending the banquet, despite her boyfriend-not-boyfriend being there.

Whatever it was, it was getting Neil to where Riko was - and Neil could not be more ecstatic. He hadn’t thought he’d get this close to Riko so quickly, but the sooner the better. He wondered if Riko, other than Kevin, would recognise him or if the time since they last met had been too long for both of them. Other than Riko and Kevin, Neil had kept up with how their lives went, using all of the sources available to him to stay on track and find out all of the Nest’s dirty secrets. Riko and Kevin, however, probably forgot he even existed. Neil was about to change that.

 

Aaron did not come inside to have a drink, so Katelyn sat down next to Neil on the sofa again and turned back to the TV.

 

“You know he doesn’t like me, right?”

 

Katelyn looked at him with a look of fake innocence.

“Does he?” She asked, her voice high as if in real wonder. Neil snorted at that and Katelyn grinned back at him. “Yeah, I do.”

 

“Then why ask me to go with them? Is this your revenge because he’s too much of a coward to take you?” Judging by the look on Katelyn’s face maybe that hadn’t been the best way to phrase this question, but it was too late to take it back now, so Neil just sat and looked at her patiently. Katelyn tilted her head to the side a bit, as if considering his question.

 

“Maybe a bit,” she admitted eventually, “But not just that.” Neil raised both eyebrows in question. Katelyn sighed and twirled a strand of hair around her finger.

“I figured, since you’re after Andrew… Spending the night with the Foxes at the banquet could give you a chance to get closer to him - or help you figure out you should maybe re-evaluate your choice and pick someone -  _ anyone _ \- else but Andrew.”

Disbelieve was immediate and it definitely showed on Neil’s face as he stared open-mouthed back at Katelyn.

“Are you actually trying to be my wingman on this?” He asked.

 

Katelyn shrugged, then laughed and let herself fall against the back of the sofa with a loud sigh.

“I mean, you’re still alive, despite your very obvious advances. Maybe this isn’t as hopeless as I thought it to be - only one way to find that out, right?”


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the fall banquet! How will it go? How will Riko react to meeting Neil? And what will Neil do when he meets Riko?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really excited to post this chapter! Shit is going down, and I really like it - so I hope you guys will enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Luckily Neil had taken his favourite suit to the US. Sure, he probably could’ve gotten one at a store last minute but, to be perfectly honest, he was rather spoiled. He wouldn’t be caught dead in an off the rack suit. How would one of those possibly be able to hug his form as perfectly as his tailored suits? Everything he was wearing tonight, down to the bow tie wrapped around his throat, was hand-sewn at a small, posh tailor shop in Central London. 

 

“Whoa, look at you. Looking like a million dollars, Neil.” Neil turned and spotted Katelyn standing in the bedroom door, eyeing him appreciatively. “I’m glad you’re gay, otherwise I’d have real problems sticking to my “no flirting with your roommate”-rule.” Neil grinned at that - not about Katelyn’s joke though.

 

“Who said I’m gay?” He asked while he gathered his phone and keys from his bed. As he passed Katelyn on his way out of the bedroom, he threw his startled friend a wink.

 

“Wait. You’re not gay?” She asked, dumbfounded, and quickly followed him.

 

“Nope.” Neil answered.

 

“But I thought-- what about Andrew?”

 

“I never said I’m straight either, Kay.” Neil raised one eyebrow. Straight people were so clueless sometimes, it was almost sad. “I mean, I know people usually assume I’m gay because I’m small and a dancer. But the truth is, I don’t give a shit about someone’s gender as long as they’re hot.” The  _ full _ truth was, Neil didn’t really care about much else than looks. He wasn’t after a relationship. He didn’t  _ need  _ a relationship. His parents’ marriage had been anything but happy, and once he got away from his abusive family he grew up around a man who never once was in an actual relationship. And he was completely and truly content that way.

So, naturally, Neil prefered it like this too. He’d rather fuck a hot stranger than go through this whole dating mess and deal with all the emotions attached to relationships. And, really, even the fucking he could live without if he had to. 

Which was why Andrew was the perfect choice. The second Neil had met Andrew, he just knew Andrew wouldn’t even  _ think _ about asking more than sex from Neil. He was violent, anti-social and probably a sociopath, or a psychopath, or both. There was no way in hell Andrew would want to date Neil.

 

“Oh,” Katelyn said. Neil waited if she had more to say, but she just kept looking at him with surprise in her eyes. 

 

“But I  _ do  _ prefer guys, if that makes you feel better,” he said eventually. Katelyn immediately threw up her hands and shook her head.

 

“No! Gosh, no, don’t get me wrong. It’s fine with me, no matter who you like. I just thought-...Doesn’t matter, I shouldn’t have made assumptions. Sorry, sweety.”

 

“It’s okay. I get it a lot,” Neil shrugged. “Alright. I gotta go now, I don’t think Allison would be impressed if I was late.”

 

“No, I’m sure she wouldn’t,” Katelyn agreed, giggling.

They said their goodbyes, and Neil made his short way over to the Foxes’ dorms. A couple of them were already in the hallway, making their way to the bus that’d get them to the banquet.

“Hey, Neil!” Nicky greeted him cheerfully, “Shit, it’s a shame Allison was quicker. I should’ve asked you to be my date.”

 

“Hello Nicky,” Neil responded, but didn’t stop to chat, “Maybe you’re more lucky next time. I heard there’s a couple more banquets for you guys to attend.”

Nicky threw him a wide grin and gave him a thumbs up, and promised to ask him to be his date for the christmas banquet. When Neil looked over to where Kevin and Andrew stood, he was met with a disapproving frown from Kevin and Andrew’s usual manic grin. 

 

Allison looked stunning, as it was to be expected. She inspected Neil and seemed to be satisfied with what she saw, because she gave him a short nod before grabbing his arm and all but dragging him down the hall while provocatively side-eyeing Seth. Seth, who didn’t seem to have a last-minute date for the night, looked anything but happy about the situation. Maybe Neil shouldn’t have gotten involved in this.

But it also got him close to Riko, so he had to endure the relationship drama he was now in the middle of to get what he wanted.

 

The ride to the banquet was uneventful. Neil sat with the upperclassmen and mostly just listened to their conversations. Wymack ushered them off the bus when they arrived, except for Kevin and Andrew. Neil saw a bottle of vodka in his hand, a second later he was off the bus with the others. He figured the vodka had been for Kevin, because when the three rejoined the group Kevin suddenly seemed a lot less anxious than just a couple of minutes ago. Neil decided not to comment on it. Now was not the time to pick a fight with Kevin.

The court had been rearranged and was now filled with a bar and long tables that seated two teams each. Neil was trying to figure out where they’d sit when he heard someone gasp. Next to him, Kevin stumbled a step back. He was the source of the gasp, too, Neil realised, and looked as pale as a sheet. Neil followed his eyes.

 

Oh.

 

The only table that had only one side filled with exy players was far from them, but even without recognising faces, it was clear who the Foxes would be sharing their table with.

All people at the table were dressed in black and red and sat the exact same way. Neil was pretty sure they were probably breathing in sync, too.

Honestly, it was a bit ridiculous. He knew it was supposed to be intimidating, but a bunch of young adults dressed in black, playing mime to look scary was so unbelievably cliché, Neil couldn’t help rolling his eyes.

 

“Are you kidding?” Dan hissed, “They seated us with the Ravens?”

 

“Just try to be civil,” Wymack said with a clear warning in his voice. “Don’t let them provoke you. You hear me, Andrew?” Andrew threw Wymack an unimpressed glance. His grin was wiped off his face upon seeing the Ravens, but it was slowly coming back to his lips. He stayed silent though, which was probably not a good sign, considering Wymack’s defeated sigh.

“Just…go,” Wymack waved them off, but none of the Foxes made a move to go. They just stood in awkward silence until Dan finally gathered herself enough to do the first step. That brought the others into motion, too.

When the Foxes and their dates approached the table, the Ravens all leaned forward in one smooth, synchronised move and braced their chins on their right palms. Neil barely managed not to groan.

In the center of the group was the one they were all shadowing. As his eyes fell on him, Neil’s pulse rose. He felt his heart beat all the way into his throat and his stomach clench in excitement. Riko Moriyama was right in front of him. If he made two more steps he could reach out and grab him. It had been so long until Neil and Riko had been so close last.

But Riko didn’t even spare him a glance. His eyes were fixated on Kevin, who was visibly rigid. Neil wanted to smack him for showing his fear so openly and giving Riko exactly what he wanted to see.

 

“Kevin.” Riko’s voice was low and icy, chilling even Neil down to the bone. A second later, his blood started boiling.

“Take a seat,” Riko made a gesture to the seat right opposite him. Kevin took it immediately. What a fool. Just a moment later the chair to his right was pulled out by Andrew, who sat down with a calm demeanor.   
“Hello, Riko,” he said, his grin back on his lips. He didn’t seem to care about the degrading look Riko spared him before focusing his attention back on Kevin.

“It’s rude not to say hello when someone greets you,” Neil said and sat down to Kevin’s left. Both Andrew and Kevin looked at Neil, with two very different expressions. Kevin looked terrified, while Andrew looked genuinely amused. Or as genuinely as he was capable of. When Riko looked at him with disapproving eyes, Neil felt his pulse go up another notch. This was the moment he had been waiting for. Would Riko recognise him? How would he react? 

 

To Neil’s great disappointment, Riko just lowered his eyes at him before training his eyes on Kevin again. He didn’t recognise him either. Too much time had passed for both Kevin and Riko to recognise him. But Neil wouldn’t drop it. Not after the trouble he went through just to get here.

 

“Kevin, you should keep your pets on a shorter leash,” Riko drawled, “Since when do you have another lap dog anyway? Another useless addition to your team of incompetent scapegraces and delinquents?”

 

Neil grabbed the edge of the table, hard, to keep himself from throwing his glass. Anger was burning hot inside his chest. 

“Hey, you better keep it down,” Dan growled angrily, but Riko wasn’t phased by her anger.

 

“Or what?” He asked.

 

“We just arrived, let’s try to keep it friendly,” Renee said. Neil wondered how she managed to stay so calm when Riko was insulting her friends, but at least her warm smile calmed Dan and the others down a bit. Well, except Andrew.

“Oh, but being friendly is so boring, Renee,” he said in a too cheerful tone while his eyes looked more like he wanted to wrap his hands around Riko’s throat and give it a good twist. Neil was with Andrew on this. He’d be happy to hold Riko down while Andrew strangled him to death.

Renee just smiled at Andrew from her seat next to him. It reminded Neil of the rumor Katelyn had told him, about how Andrew and Renee might be fucking. They did seem to be a lot closer than Andrew was with the rest of the team. And she was his date for the banquet. Maybe the rumor was true after all.

 

But this wasn’t the time to wonder about this. He had to focus on Riko.

“Kevin, I think we both know this little adventure of yours has been going on for long enough.” Riko sat back in his chair, straightening his back, raising his chin. He looked taller than Kevin like this. Not because he was, but because Kevin looked like he needed another bottle of vodka while Riko radiated nothing but poise and arrogance. 

 

“Adventure?” Neil asked, his voice dripping with fake curiosity, and leaned forwards, bracing his arms on the table, “I didn’t know you went on an adventure, Kevin!”

Riko threw him another glance, this one noticeably more annoyed than the last one.

“It’s time for you to come back to where you belong. You had your fun. You shouldn’t waste your talent on a case as hopeless as this team.” 

Neil heard Dan, Matt and Allison make varying, but equally angered, noises, but neither of them said anything. 

“They’re not hopeless,” Kevin answered and even though his voice was cautious, there was also certainty in it, “The Foxes already improved, and they will improve more in the future. There’s a lot of work to be done, but I know they can do it.”

 

Neil hadn’t expected Kevin to talk back to Riko, especially not to defend the Foxes. But he was pleasantly surprised. Other than Riko, who looked at Kevin as if he was an utter disappointment.

“Stop being an idiot, Kevin. You know they will never have any potential. Come back, before you turn into just as much of a laughing stock as they are.” Under the table, Kevin was squeezing his knees nervously, but he gathered enough confidence to speak without showing how anxious he really was. Maybe Neil had been too hard on him.

“The Foxes took me in, and I promised them to get them on track in return. I won’t break that promise, Riko.”

 

“You’re a fool,” Riko spat, his face turning into an angered grimace now. He was like a spoiled child, not used to being denied what he wanted and easily angered when people told him no. It was beautiful to watch.

 

“Maybe you’re the fool, Riko,” Neil chimed in with a fake smile on his lips, “Still trying to make Kevin come back to your madhouse, even though he already told you no. Several times, even.”

Riko’s eyes snapped to Neil, his temper burning in his eyes, then back to Kevin.

“Kevin, who is this annoyance? You should teach him some manners before I will.” But before Kevin could say anything, Neil leaned over, into Riko’s view, and answered for him.

 

“Riko. Hey, Riko, you can talk to me directly, I won’t bite you, promise. I only bite people I like.”

Kevin hissed at Neil to stop it and pushed him back into his seat, but he probably already knew it was to no avail.

“Kevin, get this child away from here. It is mind numbing to listen to him.”

 

“What, you want me to leave already? But it’s been so long, Riko, I thought we could chat a bit!” 

 

The table went silent as everyone slowly registered Neil’s words and their meaning. Neil felt Kevin stare a hole into his temple, but he kept his eyes on Riko who slowly turned his head to look back at Neil. The anger was almost gone from his face, replaced by a carefully blank expression. He was looking Neil up and down, trying to figure out what Neil meant, who he was.

 

Neil felt the corners of his mouth pulling up in a humorless, violent smile. It was the smile Stuart didn’t like on him, the one he said that, together with Neil’s auburn curls and ice blue eyes, made him look too much like his father. Neil didn’t care. The realisation that lit up in Riko’s eyes was enough to make it worth the smile. Riko finally knew who was sitting on the other side of the table. After 15 years the self-proclaimed King of Exy saw himself face-to-face with the Butcher’s son again. Two estranged sons, one still trying to get his father’s attention, the other wanting nothing more than his father’s death. They were two sides of the same medal, no matter how much both of them didn’t like that fact.

 

“You,” Riko said, voice slow as if he couldn’t quite believe what he just realised. “You’re supposed to be dead.”   
“Sorry to disappoint, Riko. I’m not. And planning on keeping it like that for a bit longer.”

 

“Oh,” Neil heard Andrew’s voice from his right, but didn’t turn his head to look at him. He kept his eyes on Riko until a sudden movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention. When he did turn his head he saw Renee’s hand wrapped around Andrew’s wrist beneath the table - and Andrew’s fingers wrapped around a knife. That was definitely not one of the knives from the table. Did Andrew bring that in here? 

“You two are friends?” Andrew asked. When Neil looked up from the knife, Andrew was already staring at him with a wide, toothy grin that carried the desire to kill in it.

 

“Not friends,” Neil said calmly, “I’d call it...old acquaintances.”

 

Riko gave a short, sharp laugh after Neil’s words and shook his head. 

“Oh, Kevin, I can’t believe you’d think surrounding yourself with this boy would offer you an advantage in this fight. You’re even more of a fool than I thought you were.” Kevin looked at Riko with open confusion. He had no idea what Riko was talking about, because he had no idea who Neil really was. 

Riko noticed Kevin’s confusion just a second later and lowered his eyes at him before saying something in japanese. Neil didn’t like them talking in a language he didn’t understand, but he had no other choice than watching their faces closely to figure out what they were saying. Kevin frowned at Riko, stuttered and then quietly replied in japanese, looked at Neil and back at Riko. The answer was sneered and accompanied by a dismissive wave of Riko’s hand. But whatever he said, it didn’t seem to shed light on Kevin’s confusion, as he just shook his head at Riko. Jean Moreau, who had been quietly sitting next to Riko, looked to and fro between Riko, Kevin and Neil and frowned. 

 

“I see.” Riko raised a hand to his chin and stared at Kevin. Without moving his gaze away from Kevin, Riko directed his words at Neil. “Why did you not tell Kevin who you are, Nathaniel?”

 

Hearing this name out loud felt like a punch to the stomach to Neil, taking his breath and making him feel sick, and it ignited his hot temper in one second straight. His throat closed up with blind anger and whatever words Riko was about to say were stopped by the cracking sound of chipping wood. The knife they placed next to Neil’s plate for him to cut up his food with was stuck an inch deep inside the wooden table, with Neil’s fingers curled around the handle in a white-knuckle grip. It had been a choice between the table or Riko’s eye. 

“It’s Neil,” he pressed out between gritted teeth, his lips curled into the murderous smile of the Butcher, “You better remember that, Riko. I really don’t like that name you just used, you know.”

An aborted breath of Neil’s old name got stuck in Kevin’s throat to his right and Neil heard the feet of his chair scratch across the floor as he almost fell into Andrew’s lap in an attempt to bring space between himself and Neil. Neil didn’t spare him any attention and stared Riko down instead. Riko, however, didn’t seem bothered by the situation. If anything, he looked slightly amused. Neil swallowed hard in an attempt to bury his burning rage, but it was all in vain when Riko opened his  _ fucking  _ mouth again.

 

“Do I look to you like I care what you want to be called? You’ll always be a Wesninski, whether you like it or not.”

 

That was enough to snap every last bit of Neil’s already thin patience. No breathing exercises would help at this point, but Stuart’s advice only applied when the subject of Neil’s anger wasn’t there to let said anger out on. And Riko was right in front of him.

Neil wasn’t thinking, just acting on instinct, and the instinct of the Butcher’s son was to hurt before he got hurt. His chair crashed to the floor, glasses and flower vases fell and shattered on the tabletop as Neil reached over and pulled Riko across the table by the collar. A sharp pain ran through his hand and his arm but Neil barely registered it. He only felt the satisfying crunch under his fist as it hit Riko’s nose, then warm blood on his skin. 

Suddenly, the world around him roared back to life after his fury had silenced it out. Loud voices around him and hands that grabbed his arms and pulled him back forcefully, making Neil stumble backwards. He fought back, struggled against their grip, but they were stronger. He knew he was shouting at Riko, but he couldn’t hear his own words over the blood rushing through his ears. He wasn’t even entirely sure in what language he was shouting.

The blood on Riko’s face shone bright against his pale skin and was probably the most satisfying sight of Neil’s entire life. He wished he could put more blood on him. 

  
“Neil, shit, calm down!” Nicky’s voice was close and Neil realised he had his arms curled around Neil’s struggling body, holding him tight to keep him from hurting Riko more. There were two more hands on his shoulders that Neil recognised as Matt’s. 

Neil did not calm down. However, he minimised his attempts at breaking free, though he didn’t stop completely. He was too angry to keep still. Instead of answering Nicky’s words he glared at Riko who was back on his chair at this point. Two Ravens had caught him as he stumbled back after Neil’s punch and he was now holding a napkin to his bleeding nose, throwing daggers at Neil with his eyes. He was talking to his teammates in angry japanese and Neil didn’t understand, but he heard Kevin’s panicked gasp. That was enough to get an idea of what Riko was saying.

In the distance Neil saw a handful of coaches running towards their table. Before they could throw Neil out he looked back at Riko and snarled:   
  
“You should use the right name next time, Riko, or you’re gonna wish it was just your nose I’m breaking.”

 

No one had time to react to that threat. Wymack had a hand on Neil a second later and pulled him out of Nicky’s and Matt’s grips, another step away from the table.

“What the  _ fuck _ is going on over here?” He stared at Neil with disbelief in his eyes and shook his head, “I thought I’d have to worry about Andrew sitting at this table, but apparently some of our cheerleaders are even bigger idiots.”

 

“Riko and I had a small argument, Coach Wymack,” Neil said.

 

“A small argument?! You shut the fuck up now, Hatford, or I’ll send you back to the Queen myself.”

 

To Neil’s surprise he was not thrown out. They relocated the Foxes to another table - half the coaches sat with the Ravens and the other half with the Foxes now. Neil didn’t turn to look at Riko. He did not look at the Foxes either. He ate his dinner in silence, ignoring the stares around him.

Until Kevin whispered to him.

 

“Is it true? Are you….are you really-”

 

“Shut up, Kevin,” Neil said in french without looking up from his plate, “This is not the place for this conversation.”

Kevin kept staring at him and Neil knew the others had realised he was speaking yet another language. Neil took a sip of his wine.

 

“I was surprised you never recognised me,” he added eventually, “It’s not like I made it a secret.”

 

“You’re using a different name!” Kevin hissed back in french, “I’d call that making it a secret.”

 

“No. I’m just using my legal name.” Neil turned his head ever so slightly to look at Kevin when he didn’t respond and looked into confused eyes. “I told you. This is not the place for this conversation. Now leave me alone.”

 

The Foxes left as soon as possible. They didn’t see the Ravens again on their way out and soon they were back on the bus, Wymack in the driver’s seat, on their way back to Palmetto.

Of course they tried to make Neil talk, but Neil just answered with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes and said: “I already told you we’re old acquaintances. I never said of the good kind, now, did I?”

Questions about his name he ignored. Luckily the Foxes were clever enough not to say his birth name out loud after they saw his reaction to it when Riko said it. 

  
The only one not to ask a single question was Andrew. He had eyed him silently ever since the fight at the banquet and Neil still felt his eyes in his neck when he was sitting on the bus. He didn’t turn around. He was not in the mood to deal with Andrew right now.


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil gets a visitor he did not expect, but at least it gives him a way to avoid Kevin after what happened at the banquet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo this is late af but I was on holiday so!  
> Also I'm uploading from my laptop that seems to be slowly dying so if the next update will be late too, I'm very sorry in advance
> 
> (Also, a little shoutout to songofthesiren13, I said this fic is gonna be a treat neil-and-stuart-relationship-wise, and I'm here to deliver ;) )

Neil did not want to talk to Kevin about this. Kevin knew who he was, that should be enough, shouldn’t it? It wasn’t like Neil was obliged to tell him about the hows and whys of his presence at PSU. Kevin wasn’t his mum.

On the other hand, he’d rather tell Kevin than Mary Wesninski about his reasons.

 

So, of course, as any reasonable man would do, Neil did everything to avoid Kevin and his entourage ever since the incident at the banquet. Surely, Kevin and the Foxes would just forget about it if he let enough time pass, right?

 

“You hit Riko in the face?!”

Katelyn almost smashed a hole into their wall with how forcefully she threw the dorm door open and Neil dropped his bowl of dry cereals in shock. Great, that was supposed to be his lunch snack.

“And most importantly: you didn’t tell me about it?!?”

 

“Well,” Neil grunted and crouched down to pick up the cereals that were now scattered all over their floor, “It’s not that big of a deal.”

 

“‘Not that big of a deal’? Are you kidding me? You  _ broke  _ Riko’s  _ nose _ ! Oh my God, Neil, you are literally a hero, the little pest deserved it!” Katelyn seemed absolutely delighted about the news of Neil’s tantrum. And, honestly, Neil didn’t regret it. The only thing he regretted was that Kevin was now suddenly doing everything to confront Neil, when Neil really did not feel like discussing this with Kevin.

Kevin was a fool who was scared of Riko, which, okay, fair, what Riko did to him was not exactly a pleasant experience, but he was out of the Nest now. He could man up a little, couldn’t he? So no, Neil had no desire to share his plans with Kevin. He didn’t even really have a plan as such. Except you considered ‘making Riko’s life as miserable as possible’ a plan.

 

“I agree, he did deserve it. How do you know about this anyway?” Neil looked up from his cereal-disaster and right into the eyes of a smug Katelyn.

"I have my ways,” she said.

 

“Did Aaron tell you?”

 

“....yeah, we just had coffee.”

 

“So you’re not angry at him anymore for not taking you to the banquet, I take it?”

 

“No, actually, now I’m even more angry, because I didn’t get to see you hitting Riko in the face!”

 

Nei laughed at that and put the last cereal into his bowl. A knock on the door surprised them both, but Katelyn waved Neil off and told him she’d get that, so he took his bowl to the kitchen instead, threw the cereals away and reached for the box to pour new ones, when Katelyn called from the door:

 

“Neil! It’s for you!”

 

Confused, Neil put the box back in the shelf, left the bowl on the counter and stuck his head out.

“Who is it?”

 

“Neil, did you already lose all your manners? You’ve only been here for, what, two or three months? Come to the door and see for yourself if you want to know who your visitor is.” Neil froze when he heard the accent that sounded like it came straight from Buckingham Palace, the dark voice and the hint of british outrage in it.

A second later he was by the door.

 

“Stuart?!”

 

“Hello, Neil,” Stuart smiled his charming, polite smile, but Neil knew it was meant for Katelyn, not him, “It is so good to see you, may I come in?” Neil nodded and stepped to the side to let Stuart in, but he only entered their room when Katelyn agreed as well.

“Lovely place,” Stuart said as he slowly walked into their living room, looking around and taking everything in, “Did you decorate it, Miss…?”

 

“Katelyn,” she sputtered, staring at Stuart with big eyes, “It’s uh- it’s Katelyn. Katelyn is fine.” Stuart smiled and bowed his head in a single, polite nod.

“Very well. I’m Stuart - I’m sure Neil has told you about me already?”

Katelyn looked at Neil, who pointedly looked at the wall.

 

“Oh, Neil.” Stuart said incredulously, “Now I’m hurt.”

 

“I was busy,” Neil mumbled, crossing his arms tightly in front of his chest.

 

“So busy you forgot to tell your lovely roommate about your family?”

 

“Stuart, I’m not five years old anymore, I don’t tell people about my family all bloody day. No one cares.”

 

“My, my, when I sent you off to the US you had better manners than this,” Stuart said, wagging his finger at Neil, before he considered him for a moment and sighed, “Actually, no you didn’t.”

 

“What are you doing here anyway?” Neil asked and frowned at Stuart, “You didn’t even tell me you’d come to visit. Is this because I hit Riko?” Stuart blinked at Neil stupidly.

 

“You did  _ what?! _ ” He asked, his voice full of surprise and exasperation. Oh, dear, apparently he hadn’t known about that yet. Quickly Neil shut his mouth and bit his bottom lip, then threw Stuart an innocent grin.

“Nothing.”

 

“Neil, what on bloody earth.”

 

“Anyway. Why are you here then?”

 

Stuart huffed and shook his head at Neil, but Neil knew he’d drop the topic as long as Katelyn was around. He wouldn't discuss Moriyama-related issues with clueless people around.

“I am here for business, but I came a day early to see how my nephew is doing at the other end of the world.”

 

“Business?” Neil raised an eyebrow. Was he here for the Moriyamas?

 

“No,” Stuart just said. He knew exactly who Neil was thinking about, “Other business than you think. I do have more than one business partner in the US, you know.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Neil responded and shrugged. It would probably be better if Stuart wouldn't meet the Moriyamas any time soon. On the other hand, Kengo and Ichirou probably didn't even know about the incident yet, let alone care enough to have it influence their business. Riko's escapades were unimportant to them, as long as they didn't interfere with their work.

 

“Anyway,” Stuart clapped his hands and smiled at both Neil and Katelyn, “I would die for a decent cuppa right now. Would you two care to join me?”

 

* * *

 

Katelyn did care to join them. That was how the three of them ended up at a little coffee shop about twenty minutes from campus.

Stuart pulled a face when he took the first sip of his tea but drank it without complaint. He was an absolute tea-snob, but he was too polite to say anything about the taste.

Neil had a coffee. He only drank tea at the dorm – where he had about three large boxes of PG tips in the cupboard. Enough to last him till his next visit to the UK, hopefully.

 

“So, Katelyn, you're Neil's friend from cheerleading?” Stuart asked, put his tea down and pushed the mug a few inches away.

 

“Yeah,” Katelyn said with her usual cheerful smile, her ponytail bouncing with the nods of her head, “We've become really good friends since Neil moved into the dorm, I'd say.”

Stuart looked to Neil for confirmation. He was rightfully sceptical, since Neil picked his friends very carefully. He rarely liked people enough to call them friends to begin with. With Katelyn, however, he was happy to call her exactly that, so he gave Stuart a nod. The nod seemed to satisfy Stuart. A relaxed smile spread on his lips and he looked back at Katelyn.

“That's lovely. I'm glad Neil is making friends here.”

 

“So you're Neil's uncle?” Katelyn asked. Stuart nodded.

 

“Indeed.”

 

“Does your whole family life in England, then?”

 

“No,” Stuart pulled the tea closer again and took a slow sip, his gaze wandering back to Neil, then to Katelyn as he lowered it back onto the table, “Neil's parents live in the US. However, he came to the UK to attend school there and has been living with me ever since.” Neil felt his blood freeze when Stuart mentioned his parents. Nathan and Mary Wesninski were closer to him now than they had been for years now, and Neil didn't particularly like it, but he had to make some sacrifices to get what he wanted. It had taken weeks and months of persuading from his side to even make Stuart  _ consider  _ letting Neil go to university in the US. This visit was probably to check whether Neil was still alive, or if Nathan had found him already. Just the thought of his father standing on his doorstep made Neil feel sick.

 

“Oh,” Katelyn made a surprised noise, “So did you visit them already?”

 

“No,” Neil's voice cut Katelyn off too harshly, making her flinch a bit, looking frightened and concerned at the same time. “No,” Neil said again, with less heat this time, “And I'm not going to. I'm not on good terms with my parents. It was for the better I stayed with Stuart.”

 

“Oh...” Katelyn sounded genuinely saddened at that. Neil knew she had a great relationship with her parents and loved them a lot. He had heard countless stories about them and Katelyn's sister. Really, he was surprised she didn't notice he never even told her one single story about his own family.

“Oh, I'm sorry,” she said, “I didn't want to....I mean-”

 

“It's fine,” Neil waved her off, “Don't worry about it. Family doesn't always have to be your parents. It doesn't even have to be blood related people, for that matter. I've had Stuart, and that was more than enough.”

The smile was back on Katelyn's face and she threw a soft glance at Neil and Stuart.

“That's so sweet,” she said, “And you're right.”

 

Katelyn asked them a couple more questions, this time more careful about what she said and asked, and Stuart and Neil answered them, just as careful not to give her too much truth. But they had told these stories a million times already – it almost felt as if they were real.

When they had finished their drinks Katelyn said her goodbyes as she was supposed to meet a friend of hers, but she agreed to meet them back at the dorm that night. She seemed to have taken a liking to Stuart – or maybe just to his handsome face, his tailored suit and his british manners.

 

Stuart took Neil to a mall to have lunch and go shopping. There wasn't much talking happening now that they were by themselves, until Stuart went back to the elephant in the room over the pizza they shared.

 

“You hit Riko in the face? Bloody hell, Neil. I knew you were here to make his life hard, but that's a bit brash, isn't it? I thought you'd be a bit more...subtle.”

 

Neil rolled his eyes at that and took a big bite of his pizza slice, frowning at Stuart. Stuart was happy to wait him out. When he swallowed his bite and was about to taker another, Stuart sat up straight.

“Neil,” he said, the tone of his voice enough to make Neil lower the slice back onto his plate.

 

“Fine,” Neil hissed, “He called me Nathaniel.”

Even Stuart froze at the mention of Neil's birth name. Neil pushed the plate away, all of his appetite gone in a second. “And then he told me I'd be a Wesninski, no matter what. I was angry, okay? He's lucky it was just his nose I broke.”

 

“Neil...” Suddenly Stuart's voice was low, trying to be soothing, but just thinking about the words Riko said made the blood in Neil's veins boil.

 

“I know it's not true,” he grunted, “But it still made me angry. Riko is a cunt, and I want to see him suffer. If he ever dares to call me that again I will-”

 

“Neil!” Stuart's voice was strict again this time, his shoulders and back straightened and his eyes hard. But as soon as Neil stopped speaking and looked at Stuart, ripped from his angry thoughts, Stuart relaxed. He raised a hand, placing it on Neil's cheek.

 

“You're not Nathaniel. You're not a Wesninski. Do you hear me?” Stuart said quietly, “You're Neil Abram Hatford. It doesn't matter what Riko or anyone else says. Do you understand?”

 

The fire under his skin was soothed by the gentle touch, extinguished by the softness in Stuart's words. Neil leaned his head into Stuart's palm and took a few deep breaths. Stuart was right. Of course he was.

 

“Yes, Pops,” Neil mumbled. Stuart smiled.

 

* * *

 

Laden with shopping bags, Stuart and Neil returned to the dorm a couple of hours later. Katelyn wasn't there yet, so they just dropped Neil's bags in the bedroom and then made themselves comfortable on the couch, drinks in hand.

When she returned it wasn't long until she joined them and they soon decided to watch a movie. Since Neil chose their last movie it was Katelyn's turn this time, though she gracefully offered to let Stuart choose, since he was their guest.

 

“Oh, no,” Stuart waved her off, “I'm fine with whatever you choose.”

Katelyn decided on Legend. The irony of this choice wasn't lost on Neil nor Stuart, it was, however, completely lost on Katelyn, who didn't realise she just suggested a movie about the british mob to a british mobster.

 

“Lovely choice,” Stuart said way too cheerfully. Neil couldn't help the snort, but tried to hide it by taking a sip of his drink. “I love movies with Tom Hardy.”

 

“Yeah, I bet you do,” Neil answered, rolling his eyes. Katelyn looked at Neil with confusion in her eyes.

“I mean he's a great actor,” she said.

 

“And a great lover,” Stuart said with a blissful smile. Neil gagged. Katelyn looked even more confused.

 

“Let's say I called Tom Hardy “Uncle Tom” for about two years of my teenage life,” Neil muttered as an explanation for Katelyn, but frowning at Stuart, “Stuart has a thing for actors.”

 

“And actresses,” Stuart added.

 

“And actresses,” Neil sighed.

 


	9. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil gets an invitation he'd rather not accept, but has little choice. Will this end good for him or will he get himself in danger by accepting that invitation?

Friday morning rolled by and Neil was pretty sure he'd never forget the look on Katelyn's face when Stuart casually mentioned he had been dating Tom Hardy for two years.

Not that dating was the right word here. There were no emotions involved in this whole 'relationship', but before Stuart had the opportunity to explain the Tom-situation to Katelyn in great depth Neil had cut him off to spare both her and himself the details.

After the movie Stuart went off to his hotel. He hugged Neil so tight Neil's spine popped, and gave him a kiss to the forehead. Neil hadn't realised how much he had missed this until he was back in Stuart's arms, smelling the familiar cologne and resting his head on the shoulders that had dried so many childhood tears.

 

There was a knock on the door again.

Neil, sitting by the kitchen table with a mug of coffee in both hands, squinted towards the direction of the door. Was it Stuart again? But he said he was going to go to another state today. If he had been telling the truth he should be on the road since 6 am. It was 9 now.

Katelyn was in class, so Neil had no other choice but to get the door himself.

 

It wasn't Stuart.

When Nicky grinned at Neil from the other side of the door, Neil raised one eyebrow at him in question.

 

„Morning, Neil,“ Nicky said too cheerfully, „How are you?“

 

„What do you want Nicky?“ Nicky pouted when Neil was so clearly unwilling to do smalltalk with him, but instead of protesting he just pushed a plastic bag in Neil's arms.

 

„We're going to party in Columbia tonight,“ he said.

 

Neil frowned at him. Columbia?

 

„Okay,“ he said slowly, „Have fun, I guess? Did you come here to tell me you're taking a trip?“

 

„No. _We_ as in Andrew, Aaron, Kevin, me _and_ _you_.“

 

Neil's other eyebrow shot up as well. Now, this was news to him. But he had an inkling whose idea this was.

„Are we now? Who's saying I'm coming with you?“

 

„Andrew.“ Nicky's grin turned a bit pained and he shuffled on his feet uncomfortably. „If I were you, I'd just do as he asks.“

 

„Good thing you're not me,“ Neil deadpanned. Nicky looked even more uncomfortable.

 

„Look,“ Nicky tried again and gestured at the bag in Neil's arms, “Andrew even bought you an outfit. He never buys people gifts. Just take it and come with us, okay? Please? Please, say yes, Neil.”

Neil's eyes snapped down to the bag he was holding to his chest. An outfit? What? He didn't know whether to be flattered or offended, and he sure as fuck didn't know what to think about this whole idea.

On one hand this was his best shot at actually flirting with Andrew, on the other hand this meant he was going to get himself cornered by four people in their territory. One of those people being Kevin, who Neil was trying very hard to avoid at the moment. Besides, Neil  _ knew _ Andrew was suspicious of him. He didn't know how much Andrew knew about the Moriyamas and the Nest, but it seemed to be enough for him to react with murder when he thought Neil and Riko were friends.

But if he said no, Andrew would probably either kill him right away or make him come to Columbia himself.

He didn't have a choice. He had to go to Columbia with Andrew and Kevin.

“Okay,” Neil said eventually. 

 

* * *

 

He had to give Andrew one thing – the outfit actually wasn't that bad.

It was simple, yet stylish. He even got his bloody size right. No way in hell was this guy straight.

The ripped jeans were a nice, snug fit, the long-sleeved shirt felt soft against Neil's skin, and the ankle boots looked heavy but good with the rest of the outfit. The thing that struck Neil the most was the fact that it was all black – from shirt to shoes, all of the items Andrew bought for Neil were a deep black. Just like Andrew's outfits always were.

He told Katelyn he was going out tonight but not with whom, which she accepted without question and wished him fun. However, when he entered the Foxes’ hallway and Dan, standing in front of her dorm door, spotted him, she raised an eyebrow.

 

“Neil?” Dan looked like she didn't know what exactly to say – he hadn't really spoken to any of them since the incident.

 

“Hi, Dan,” Neil replied and raised his hand in lieu of a wave. Instead of offering her a cue, Neil just went to Kevin's dorm and knocked on the door. A second later, Andrew opened the door. He looked delighted when he saw Neil.

“Oh, Neil! I didn't think you'd actually turn up,” he grinned, “Just a second, we'll be with you right away.”

 

“Wait, what are you doing?” Dan asked warily. She made a couple steps towards Neil. Andrew just grinned at her even wider.

“Neil is coming to Columbia with us,” he told her.

Dan looked absolutely shocked at that. Neil would like to think that this was a very exaggerated response to Andrew taking someone to a club, but instead it gave him another wave of anxiety. This was just bad news for Neil.

“No, Andrew,” she said, “You're not taking him to Columbia. He's not even on the team.”

 

“Oh, but Dan, I'd like to get to know him a little bit better.” Andrew sighed, disappointed, as if Dan's no would have any influence on his decision. “I'm even gonna pay for his drinks, promise.”

 

“That's exactly what I'm afraid of,” Dan responded with a deep frown. She looked at Neil, then back at Andrew and her expression started to turn into something angry. But before she could say anything else, the door to the girls' dorm opened again and Renee walked out. She seemed surprised to see them on the hallway, then surveyed both Neil's and Andrew's outfits, and began to smile. Her smile, however, seemed less happy than usual. More forced.

“Oh, are you taking Neil to Columbia, Andrew?”

 

“Yes, we're gonna have a lot of fun with him tonight,” Andrew agreed and gave Renee a thumbs up. The gesture softened her smile a bit.

“I'm sure you will,” she said and let her gaze wander to Neil slowly, “Or maybe Neil would prefer a quiet night in? Maybe I could invite him to-”

 

“Oh, no, Renee,” Andrew interrupted Renee, whose eyes immediately went back to him, “Tonight Neil is my problem. Maybe I'll let you invite him another day.”

Neil had no idea what was going on here, he was pretty sure the conversation between Andrew and Renee had a layer that no one except them seemed to understand, but somehow Renee's slow nod unsettled him even more. What sort of agreement had they just settled on that he didn't understand? Neil hated not knowing, but there was a lot of not knowing happening for him at the moment.

 

“Wait, are you just gonna agree to that like this?” Dan seemed genuinely upset by the idea that Renee would let Neil go with Andrew and his lot. What on earth was it that Andrew would do to him on this trip?!

“I'm sure they'll make sure to get Neil home in one piece,” Renee said.

 

“Are you sure about that? May I remind you that last time--”

 

“I'll be fine,” Neil interrupted Dan. It was the first time he spoke up in this conversation, and immediately all eyes were on him, “I'm sure I can handle Andrew.”

Andrew snorted at that and raised both eyebrows.

“God, I really fucking hate you already,” Andrew said with a big smile on his face.

 

“That's okay, you can get in line with all the others who'd prefer to see me six feet under,” Neil said with a shrug and a bored expression. Andrew didn't respond to that. He just turned around, went into the dorm and left Neil standing in front of the open door.

 

“Neil...” Dan said when he was gone and made her way towards him, “You don't have to go with them.”

 

“I know,” Neil said and tilted his head towards her, “But I kind of want to. I'm curious about what they have in stock for me.”

 

* * *

 

The car they drove looked expensive, and apparently it was Andrew's. He didn't drive it though, Nicky did. He explained that Andrew wasn't allowed to drive due to his medication, so the only people driving the car were him and Renee. Neil was somewhat surprised to hear that Andrew would lend his car to Renee, but then he remembered Katelyn's rumor and how she was Andrew's date for the banquet. He really needed to find out whether Andrew and Renee were a thing or not.

 

Kevin was on the passenger seat, which Neil was thankful for because that meant he wasn't stuck on the seat next to him for the entire ride to Columbia. It did, however, leave him seated between both twins, and Neil didn't know how much better he liked that.

Andrew and Nicky chatted away about a million topics while Aaron just stared out of the window with an angry frown, and Neil mostly listened in to their conversation but didn't participate.

Almost 45 minutes into their ride, Neil suddenly realised that Andrew's responses had died down to a bare minimum and it was mostly Nicky talking now. He didn't know when it happened, but Andrew was barely talking anymore and when Neil looked at him, his smile was gone too. He was staring at the headrest of Kevin's seat with a weird intensity. Neil realised what this was about when Nicky pulled over onto the right lane to take the next exit.

 

“Nicky, stop the car,” Andrew demanded with an unusually flat voice.

 

“What? Now?” Nicky asked, surprised, and looked at Andrew through the rearview mirror, “We're almost off the highway, let me just-”

 

“Now.” Andrew said with more force.

 

“Andrew, look, can you wait--”

 

“ _ Now. _ ”

 

Cars blew their horns at them as Nicky hit the breaks and steered the car onto the small patch of grass growing at the side of the highway exit. Andrew didn't even wait until the car was standing completely to open the door and bend over, just his upper body hanging out of the car, his hands holding onto the door frame. Neil heard him heave a second later. He scrunched his face up in a mix of disgust and some weird sort of concern.

 

“Shit, Andrew,” Neil said, leaning towards and over him, but not enough for their bodies to touch, “Are you okay?”

 

“It's his meds wearing off,” Nicky said as he turned in the driver's seat and threw a look at his cousin before grimacing in disgust, “If he doesn't take them in time he gets sick.”

 

“Well, fuck me, how about this genius solution I just came up with, then: take the bloody medication. Don't tell me you forgot to take it with you?”

 

Andrew pulled himself up by the frame and wiped his mouth with the back on his hand. There was an expression on his face Neil had only ever seen on him once – after the game, when he was looking for Aaron.

“Shut the fuck up or I'll kill you before we even made it to Eden's.”

 

“Andrew doesn't take his meds when we go to Columbia,” Nicky explained. He didn't seem to care about the cars honking at them.

 

“What?” Neil looked to Nicky, then to Andrew. So this meant he was going to be sober at the club. Neil didn't know how this would shift his chances in Columbia, because he didn't know what Andrew was like off his medication, but what he was wondering about the most wasn't even that.

“If it makes you so miserable, why would you skip your meds then?”

 

Suddenly Andrew grabbed Neil's face with one hand, burying his fingers in his cheeks so hard it hurt, and pulled him close enough for Neil to feel Andrew's breath on his skin. Neil tried to turn his head away, but Andrew didn't let him. He waited until Neil stopped to struggle and their eyes locked.

 

“Because I prefer to be sober when I make a decision about whether or not I need to kill you.”

 

Andrew's low voice and his piercing gaze sent an uncomfortable shiver down Neil's spine. It wasn't even the threat itself, it was the way he said it, the open animosity and icy sincerity in his voice, that had Neil's breath stop for a second. In this moment, he believed Andrew without a doubt that he'd kill him if Neil turned out to be something he didn't like him to be.

What that meant exactly, Neil didn't know. He could only hope he wouldn't find out.


	10. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Monsters take Neil to Eden's, and Neil knows they have something planned. He'll have to be careful - but will he be careful enough? Or will they succeed in whatever they have in stock for him?

They took Neil to a place called Sweety's first. It was a diner but when the waitress came they only asked for the ice cream menu. Neil noticed Andrew stuffing empty cracker wrappers into the waitress's apron and couldn't help but think how rude that was. But then again, it had been rude to just walk over to the salad buffet and grab a handful of crackers to begin with. But this was Andrew. Neil had yet to see him being polite.

Neil settled on a small bowl of ice cream, since he was not really hungry. The waitress came back rather quickly, gave them their ice cream each, and before she could walk away again Andrew already asked for the bill.

 

“So eager to get to this nightclub?” Neil asked teasingly and only earned a blank stare from Andrew. This wasn't fun when Andrew only reacted with silence or death threats. There had to be a way to get a reaction from him when he was sober, too. Neil refused to believe that all this cheer and sass were a result of just the medication, it had to be a little bit of Andrew's true nature as well.

Neil was halfway through his ice cream when the waitress came back. She put the bill into Andrew's hand and placed a ridiculous stack of napkins on the table too. How much exactly did she think they'd spill? Neither of the others seemed to be bothered by the napkins though, they just ate their ice cream in silence as Andrew paid for them.

That was the moment Neil really began to wonder. That looked like a lot of money, even for five portions of ice cream. Even for five portions of really  _ good  _ ice cream. But, again, none of the others seemed to mind.

Neil watched closely as Andrew handed over the money. The waitress gave it a quick once over, then stuffed it into her apron pocket without counting properly, grabbed their menus and went off to another table. Andrew looked at Neil who was watching him.

 

“What-” Neil started, but was cut off when Andrew reached for the stack of napkins and stuffed them into his jeans' pockets.

 

“What the fuck, Andrew?” Neil asked.

 

“We're leaving.” Andrew said and got up, his own ice cream barely touched. Nicky made a disappointed sound but put his spoon down and gathered his stuff, and slowly all of them got ready to leave again, despite the fact that neither of them finished their ice cream.

 

“Alright, kids, we're off to Eden's now!” Nicky said cheerfully as he fell into the driver's seat and didn't seem to mind the silence he got as a response. He was probably used to it at this point.

Neil was busy buckling up his seat belt when, in the corner of his eye, he noticed Andrew pulling the napkins from his pockets and throwing them into his lap instead.

“What on  _ bloody _ earth are y-” Suddenly, Neil noticed little, transparent bags with a white powder inside between the napkins. Neil stopped in his movements, stared at the bags, then at Andrew.

 

“Is that  _ cocaine _ ?”

 

“Shit, Neil,” Nicky gasped from the front, “That's not coke, Jesus Christ.”

 

“Crackerdust,” Andrew said and waved one of the little bags in front of Neil's nose, “Want one?”

 

“No, thanks, I'm good.” Neil pushed Andrew's hand away, and Andrew gave a short, sharp and humorless laugh in response. He ripped the package open and emptied the contents into his mouth before Nicky even started the engine of the car.

 

“So you don't take your meds, but you take Crackerdust? That's not what I'd call sober.”

 

“Good thing I don't give a shit about what you consider sober, Hatford.”

 

“By the way, while we're at the topic again, aren't you required to take your medication at all times as part of your probation?” Andrew looked at Neil with an unimpressed stare, opened another bag of Crackerdust and poured that one into his mouth, too.

 

“Yeah. What now? Are you gonna run and tell the cops?”

 

“Oh, no,” Neil waved him off, “I'm not particularly fond of the police myself. I'm just...curious.”

 

“Curious.” It wasn't even a question the way Andrew said it.

 

“Yes. Curious.”

 

“About what?”

 

Neil almost laughed at that question. Shouldn't that be obvious? All the flirting - and Andrew still asked what Neil was curious about.

“Uhm. About you, of course?”  _ Something _ went across Andrew's face; something Neil couldn't put a name to, but it was neither blankness nor murder. Neil wanted to make it return to Andrew’s face to find out which emotion exactly it was. Before he got to try, though, Aaron kicked the back of Nicky’s seat, hard, and made him squeal.   
“Can you fucking go, Nicky?” He grunted, “I don’t wanna spend all night on Sweety’s parking lot.”

Nicky muttered something under his breath but started the engine and got them all on the road again. It wasn't too long of a drive until a big night club came into view. A ton of people were queueing in front of it, all dressed in black, a lot of them in leather or corsets. Neil watched the crowd with a raised brow as they drove past slowly.

“Hey, so, I’m into some kinky stuff, okay, but I don’t know how I feel about going to a BDSM club with you guys,” he said, resting his arm on the back of Andrew’s seat and pushing himself up to watch the passing crowd over his head a little longer, “I don’t feel like we know each other well enough for that yet, you know?” Nicky laughed, Andrew shoved his elbow into Neil’s ribs. With a wheeze, Neil fell back into his seat and pressed a hand to the hurting spot.

 

“Twat,” he said, glaring at Andrew.

 

“Shut the fuck up,” Andrew retorted without looking at him.

 

Nicky stopped the car and they all got out. Neil started to make his way to the back of the queue, but Andrew grabbed him by his arm and pulled him back, going straight for the door. Apparently the bouncers knew them, because as soon as they spotted the twins their faces lit up and they greeted Aaron with an elaborate handshake before nodding towards Andrew. They handed a VIP parking pass to Aaron who brought it back to Nicky, who was still waiting in the car. 

“I’ll take it you’re regulars,” Neil said.

“Obviously,” Andrew answered. 

Neil looked down to where Andrew’s hand was still curled around his biceps. Andrew seemed to notice, too, now, because he quickly let go of Neil and pushed past him, through the heavy metal doors. Neil grinned, then followed short.

The music was loud, the bass so heavy Neil felt it in his bones. It was a familiar feeling, and he immediately felt his pulse going up in anticipation. It had been months since Neil was out clubbing last, he didn’t have the opportunity yet since he moved to the US. This wasn’t exactly in optimal conditions, considering he was pretty sure Andrew, Kevin and their entourage had planned something that would probably not be in his favour, but for now Neil decided to push that fact to the back of his head and just enjoy the thought of a night out drinking and dancing.

They were lucky enough to find a table pretty quickly with a sofa next to it that would seat three people. Kevin and Aaron found two available chairs close by, while Andrew started to collect empty glasses off the table.

“You,” he said, jerking his chin towards Neil, “Come on.”

 

“Did you forget my name already?” Neil asked, rolling his eyes, but didn’t get an answer. He still followed Andrew. He stayed behind him and let Andrew push people out of their way until they reached the bar where he squeezed next to him and crossed his arms on the bar top.

The barkeepers were quite busy, as it was to be expected on a friday night, but it took only about ten seconds until one of them noticed Andrew and Neil. He started smiling as if he just walked into the living room on Christmas morning, which had Neil raising his eyebrows. It was a bit like being in a parallel universe here, where everyone started lighting up as soon as they saw one of the Monsters instead of avoiding them at all cost. 

“Andrew!!” The bartender shouted over the music and leaned over the bar, grinning at Andrew widely. The guy was tall and handsome, all dark skin and bright eyes and brilliant smile. “Haven’t seen you in ages, where have you been?! I almost thought you forgot me.”

Andrew grunted in response and pushed the empty glasses towards him. The bartender took them without seeming to mind Andrew’s rudeness, then he turned to Neil.

“And this is?”

 

“Neil,” Andrew said, “Drinks, Roland.”

 

“Yes, yes, alright,” Roland answered, waving Andrew off, “The usual?” Andrew nodded.

“And what can I get for you?” Roland then asked Neil. Neil threw a look at the shelf full of bottles behind Roland and thought for a second. 

 

“I’ll have a vodka lemon.”   
  
“Alright, coming up.” 

 

Neil watched Roland vanish to another corner of the bar to prepare their drinks. While he was busy and they were forced to wait, Neil trained his eyes on Andrew instead, who was pointedly not looking at him.

“So,” Neil started, but got no reaction from Andrew, “What exactly do you have planned for me?”

That did catch Andrew’s attention and he slowly dragged his gaze over to Neil. For a few seconds he didn’t say anything.

“Don’t believe everything Dan says.”

 

“Do you think I’m asking this because Dan flipped out about you taking me here? You really must think I’m an idiot.”

 

“I do.”

 

“I know you wouldn’t just take me here to have a good time, Andrew. Especially not after what happened at the banquet. Did you bring me here for Kevin?”

 

“I don’t care what Kevin’s deal with you is,” Andrew said, “I have my own questions for you.”

 

Well, that wasn’t surprising in itself. Since Kevin and Andrew were basically connected by the hip Neil figured Andrew would have his own issues with Neil. He didn’t know how much Kevin had told Andrew, but it didn’t matter. Andrew would probably try to get all the information he wanted himself.

And, honestly, Neil wasn’t making it a secret who he was. Of course he wouldn’t tell Andrew the truth, his truth wasn’t for ears of people who weren’t involved with the mafia, but he’d willingly give Andrew all his carefully studied lies and half-truths, the same ones he gave Katelyn. 

 

“So you take me to a nightclub? Honestly not the best choice for a chat.”

 

“I think it’s perfect,” Andrew said and then directed his gaze back at Roland who returned to them with a tray full of glasses. It was far more than what they’d need for five people.

 

By the time Andrew and Neil returned to the table Nicky had re-joined them. Him and Aaron were each sitting on a chair while Kevin occupied one of the seats on the couch. It was obvious they decided that Neil was going to sit with Andrew and Kevin, but it was not surprising. At least at a nightclub, filled with people, they couldn’t try to do anything really bad. There’d be too many witnesses.

The others didn’t wait for Andrew or Neil to sit down, but immediately reached for the drinks the second Andrew put the tray down. They did wait, however, for them to sit down and get their own drinks before they had theirs. Neil reached for his longdrink, but Andrew put a shot in front of him. When Neil looked up each of them was holding a shot like this one, looking at him expectantly.

“Have a drink with us, Neil,” Nicky said smiling, holding his own glass a little higher, “On a fun night out!”

 

Neil didn’t like taking drinks from strangers or people he didn’t trust. And right now he didn’t trust any of them. It was the first lesson Stuart taught him when Neil got to an age where he got interested in partying and drinking. He never told him not to do all that, he just told him to be careful and always purchase his own drinks. Never take them from strangers, and if you do, stay close to your friends. And it hadn’t just been the usual talk to prevent harassment and assault almost everyone got when they started to go out, for Neil it had another layer to it. Being save from people who were after him or Stuart, who wanted to kill him for being involved with one of the biggest british mob families. And he had always taken Stuart’s advice seriously. 

 

Neil eyed the other’s glasses, then his own. From what he could see, they all had the same content. Anyway, he was there when Roland poured the drinks and walked right behind Andrew as he carried them to their table. So he took the shot and raised it.   
“Cheers!” Nicky exclaimed and drank it in one big gulp. The others did the same and Neil just hesitated for another second before raising his glass to his lips and drinking it in one go.

He pulled a face as the whiskey burned its way down his throat. He smacked his lips and shuddered before extending his arm to set the glass down. 

The bottom of the glass was half an inch from the tabletop when Neil stopped dead. As the strong, sharp taste of whiskey slowly ebbed away Neil tasted a faint sweetness on his tongue, and even though he barely drank whiskey he knew it wasn’t supposed to taste sweet. 

The one time he broke his rule. The one time he thought he could be sure his drink was what it seemed to be - and it was a lie. Neil had no idea how they managed to put something in his drink, but as he turned his head to look at Andrew and was met with indifferent but attentive eyes already staring at him, he knew they did. Neil slammed the shot glass onto the table.

 

“Did you really fucking spike my drink?” He spat angrily. Andrew didn’t respond, just kept staring at him, and when Neil let his gaze wander to Kevin, Nicky and Aaron he realised they were all in on it. Of course they fucking were. Neil’s eyes snapped back to Andrew and he felt adrenaline and anger burning up in his veins, igniting the violent fury he kept buried inside his chest, mixed with growing panic. He was so close to breaking the first of Andrew’s limbs he could reach. Instead Neil turned on his seat so he was seated sideways, facing Andrew, and dug his fingers into the plush couch.

 

“Are you fucking serious? Are you a creep, or what? What are you trying to achieve - make me willing? Helpless? Did you take me here to take advantage of me?”

Andrew visibly flinched at that accusation and his face turned to stone. Neil didn’t expect a strong reaction like that from a sober Andrew, but he couldn’t care or wonder about it right now.

  
“It’s just Crackerdust. It might help you answer my questions,” Andrew responded eventually, his voice chilly and tight. Neil couldn’t help the short, humorless laugh that escaped him at this. If Andrew thought this would get him any further he’d soon realise how wrong he was. If he wanted to force answers out of Neil he’d have to make up a better plan than drugging him up.

“No, it won’t,” Neil spat back and leaned over until his face was just a couple inches from Andrew’s, staring right into his eyes, “Because I’m really petty and I really don’t like when people try to force me to do things. You know what would’ve helped?” He gave Andrew a second but not enough to actually answer, and tilted his head to the side. “If you would’ve just asked, like a normal person.” Neil leaned back now, but kept glaring at Andrew with angry eyes. 

“Oh, just wait until it does its thing and I’m sure you’ll find your tongue a lot looser than usual,” Andrew said. He was back to being indifferent and relaxed, and seemed oh-so-sure of his plan. Well, seemed like Neil had to pop that little dream bubble of his.

 

“No, Andrew, you don’t understand, it will not work,” he said. Then, to prove his point, Neil turned to the table and grabbed one of the little bags with Crackerdust that were left, opened it and poured it into his mouth. He washed it down with a big sip of his vodka lemon, then looked back at Andrew.

“If I started spilling my secrets every time I was high I’d have no secrets left to spill,” he said, “Now I’ll go to the dancefloor and I better not run into any of you cunts down there or I might break your fucking ankles.”

Neil stood, everyone except Andrew staring at him in dumbfounded silence, but before he left he pointed an angry finger at Kevin.    
“And, Kevin? Fuck you. Fuck you for agreeing to this and fuck you for thinking it’s a good idea to force secrets out of me when you know  _ exactly  _ what’s on the fucking table. I hope you choke on your fucking drink.”


	11. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew's attempt at drugging Neil failed, but Neil doesn't want to risk him coming up with anything else, so he makes an offer that would benefit them both, and hopes Andrew will accept.

The world was turning slightly too fast and the flickering, colourful lights had Neil feeling a bit nauseous, but when he closed his eyes it was fine. He didn’t need to see what was going on around him anyway, he just listened to the music, felt the bass in his bones, let the melody carry his body. 

Neil loved when his head felt empty and light, every worry and problem gone for a couple hours thanks to some party drug or another, and all he cared about was the dance floor. And the best part was that the drugs gave him so much energy, he could dance for hours on end. Sometimes he did, literally dancing the night away, other times he stopped dancing early and used his leftover energy on someone he picked up that night. He knew that neither of those were an option tonight. Even though it sounded like a fantastic idea to just dance through the entire night, leaving the others to wait for him until he was done. Or maybe they’d leave him. That’d be great, too. He’d just stay here until they closed the club and then he’d find a way home. Maybe he’d take a cab, Stuart would surely pay the bill. Or maybe he’d hitchhike back to PSU - that’d be a new experience. 

 

Neil opened his eyes and threw a glance up to the seating area. If Andrew went as far as to spike his drink to make Neil talk, he wouldn’t just leave him here. He’d make sure Neil would come back with them, and then he’d try to find another way to get what he wanted, Neil was sure of that. Just because Andrew was a college boy with anger issues instead of a mobster out to kill Neil, Neil wouldn’t dare to underestimate him. If he tried to run away or trick Andrew, this all might turn ugly quick. He had to give Andrew something. Some information that told him enough to soothe his suspicions, but wouldn’t give away too much.

But - things in life never came free, did they? Neil might as well get something out of this whole situation, too. Two could play this game.

 

When Neil returned to the table a solid two hours later the only ones left were Kevin and Andrew. Kevin’s head was resting on the armrest of the sofa and the way he was half-lying on there looked like it would give him a ton of back and neck pain the next day. Andrew looked utterly disgruntled as he glared at Kevin’s passed out form, arms crossed in front of his chest. His eyes flicked up to Neil when he noticed him approaching the table. He didn’t say anything, but he was watching him closely. Neil made his way over to them and fell back into his former spot right next to Andrew instead of picking one of the two empty chairs on the opposite side of the table.

 

“Where are Nicky and Aaron?” Neil asked and reached for the drink he left there after their argument, smelled it and then put it back down. He didn’t trust any of these guys with his drinks anymore.

 

“Dancefloor.” Andrew answered. Neil felt his eyes burn a hole into the side of his head. He grabbed a mini pretzel instead and popped it into his mouth before sitting back again, sinking into the backrest of the couch.

 

“One question,” Neil said, pointing his finger towards the ceiling. He turned his head to look at Andrew, who was just staring at him silently, though his eyes were questioning. “That’s how much I’ll grant you tonight. I would’ve answered all of your questions if you would’ve just asked, but I’m pissed off with you now, so I will make this a lot harder for you out of pure spite.” A raised eyebrow was the only answer Neil got, but it was enough. Andrew was interested. Now he had to keep his interest and his plan might actually work out. 

“You’ll get one question that I will answer truthfully tonight. After that I will only answer questions for an answer in return. Look at it as a little game we play. A truth for a truth. If you’re willing to play, you’ll get all the answers you want. If not, good luck figuring me out by yourself.”

 

To say Andrew looked doubtful would be an understatement. Neil lost the last shred of hope for his plan to work when Andrew just turned away and reached for his drink. No response whatsoever. He didn’t say no either, but honestly, this didn’t look good for Neil. But he refused to give up until he got a clear no from Andrew. There’d be no use in pestering him about it, that much Neil knew. He’d have to let Andrew answer in his own time or it would backfire. 

The problem was that Neil only had little patience. Just sitting next to Andrew who seemed to ignore him now, and not saying anything might have been the hardest thing he had done in a while. It went on for another hour before Aaron and Nicky returned to the table. Nicky’s face lit up the second he saw Neil and he was all over him, telling him how he thought Neil might have just left them and how sorry he was for everything, which Neil didn’t buy for a second.

“If you were so sorry you wouldn’t have agreed to it in the first place,” he said unimpressed and Nicky’s shoulders crumbled. Aaron looked somewhat surprised to see Neil back at the table, but the surprise was gone quickly and he just returned to his own seat. He didn’t get to sit for long though, because soon enough Andrew decided it was time to leave. He let them know by getting up from his seat, kicking Kevin in the shin to wake him and then walking away. Kevin startled so violently he slipped off the armrest and almost fell, but managed to catch himself on the table’s edge just in time. 

 

“You’re a wreck,” Neil told Kevin as he watched him struggling to get off the couch. He wasn’t sure Kevin even registered the words because he was so drunk. With a heavy sigh Neil got off his seat and helped Kevin get up, then curled his arm around his own shoulders. 

“Shit, Kevin, you’re heavy.” With a grunt Neil started walking, a drunk Kevin leaning on him too heavily. It was a long, slow walk to the car. 

“Why are you here?” Kevin slurred as they made their way out, the two bouncers holding the doors open for them. They exchanged a knowing smirk that told Neil this wasn’t the first time Kevin had to be carried out. 

“Because I have some business here,” Neil replied and Kevin had the audacity to laugh at that. His laugh, however, didn’t sound happy. 

“Business? Like what? Getting yourself killed?”

“Very sweet of you to be so concerned for me,” Neil replied sarcastically, “But killing me isn’t that easy.”

“You should run away as long as you still can,” Kevin mumbled and slumped more against Neil. He stumbled to the side, Kevin’s weight pressing against his smaller body, and had to find his footing again before they could continue their way. “I thought you were dead anyway. They told us your father killed you.”

“Yeah I bet they did. The truth hurt his ego too much.”

“How’d you do it? I mean you were a child, how’d you get away?”

“Kevin, you’re drunk.” Neil grunted and stopped to pull Kevin a bit closer, holding him tighter so he wouldn’t slip and fall, “And I don’t trust you after the stunt you and your friends pulled earlier tonight. I’m not gonna tell you shit.”

“That’s fair,” Kevin said. He slurred his words so bad at this point, Neil could barely make out what he was saying. Luckily the car pulled up at the curb and he just had to drag Kevin a couple feet further. The door was opened from inside and Neil could just drop Kevin into the passenger seat. Thankfully Kevin was still with it enough to pull his limbs inside himself, but Neil had to lean into the car and help him with the seatbelt. Only when he was leaning in did he realise it was Andrew who was driving, which should’ve been obvious, because Aaron and Nicky had both been walking behind Kevin and Neil. Andrew frowned at Neil, clearly unhappy about something. 

“I thought you’re not allowed to drive when you’re on your meds?” Neil asked as he clicked the seatbelt shut.

“I’m not my medication,” Andrew responded, then threw a glance at the back seats when Nicky and Aaron got in. He glared at Nicky, but turned his attention back to Neil when he spoke.

“Oh, yeah, sorry, you’re just on Crackerdust and whiskey. That’s better, obviously.”

 

“Shut the fuck up and get in, Hatford.”

 

“Fuck you, Andrew.” Neil threw Kevin’s door shut and walked around the car to get to his seat. It only took him a few seconds, but when he opened the door and got into his seat something had already happened inside the car. Aaron looked to and fro between Nicky and Andrew with an annoyed frown on his face. Nicky had his arms raised protectively while Andrew was reaching back, as if trying to hit Nicky. 

“Shit, Andrew,” Nicky whined, “We were right behind them! If you’re so worried about Kevin, you drag him out of Eden’s yourself next time.” For that Andrew grabbed Nicky’s wrist and pulled it down, then turned in his seat enough to reach back with his other hand too and hit Nicky around the head. Before he could, though, Neil caught Andrew’s wrist and pulled on it, hard. He was annoyed with Andrew and there was still the anger from earlier simmering in his veins, so he had no patience for any of this. Suddenly all eyes were on him, Andrew’s angry and threatening, Nicky’s wide and surprised. Aaron just looked surprised but intrigued.

 

“What’s the problem?” Neil asked, putting on a calm, unconcerned facade, “You think I hurt your precious boyfriend while you weren’t looking? Nicky’s right. Don’t leave him for others to deal with then. Now drive.”

Neil knew that sometimes he had a tendency to tempt death to come and get him. And Andrew’s eyes were saying this was one of those moments, but right now Neil couldn’t care any less. He just stared back, pointedly unimpressed. If Andrew wanted to play a game of dominance Neil was happy to play along. They just stared at each other silently for a minute and the tension in the car rose with each breath they took. Eventually, Andrew pulled his wrist from Neil’s grip, turned and started the engine. Pleased, Neil folded his hands in his lap and directed his gaze outside the window. No one said a word the entire ride. Neil had no idea where they were going, but he wasn’t about to ask. He suspected they’d go to a hotel, but Andrew drove through city roads and residential streets until he pulled up in front of a pretty little house in the middle of what looked like a family area. They had passed a school ten minutes ago and the streets were covered in chalk drawings made by children. 

  
“This is our house,” Nicky explained quietly as they all walked up to the front door. This time, Andrew was dragging Kevin along the way with one arm while fumbling in his jeans’ pockets for his key. Neil looked at Nicky questioningly and Nicky understood it as the prompt to explain further that it was meant as.

“I bought it when I came back to the US to look after Andrew and Aaron. We lived here before we went to South Carolina.”

 

“Wait, rewind that. To look after Andrew and Aaron?”

Nicky looked down at his feet, a sad smile spreading on his lips, and nodded. The twins and Kevin were both at the door already, but Neil and Nicky hung back. They were stood in the front yard, not moving, but the others didn’t care. They left them and went inside without them, though Aaron left the door open for them.

“Yeah. Man, it’s a long story, and I don’t think Andrew would be happy if I told you about it all, but our family is pretty fucked up.”

“Yeah, I’m not surprised by that,” Neil said. Nicky looked up at that and frowned, so he quickly added, “I mean, you  _ are  _ Foxes. And as far as I know each and every one of you has a fucked up past.” Neil was right and Nicky knew that. He didn’t try to deny it either, he just laughed and ruffled his own hair.

“Yeah. Well, I was actually living in Germany - and one day I’ll go back. I’ve got a perfect man waiting for me there. Anyway. We found out about Andrew - we never knew Aaron had a twin, you know. And I… I couldn’t let Andrew come into this family as it was, alright? I wanted to give him and Aaron a real family, at least a little bit. So I told Erik I had to come back and I bought this house in Columbia for us to live in. And now we stay here whenever we go to Eden’s.”

 

Neil didn’t know what it was that made Nicky tell him all of this. Maybe he had no qualms telling people his story. Maybe it was the drugs and alcohol. Or maybe Nicky was just happy that someone was listening. Either way, Neil felt something in his chest clench and his throat tighten. There was no way for him to make much sense out of this story. Yeah, he got the gist of it, but he had nowhere near enough information about Nicky and his family to make sense of the rest, but it didn’t matter. The way Nicky gave up everything for his cousins, even though he didn’t even know Andrew apparently, reminded Neil of someone else. And it hit close to home. Too close.

“Nicky, that’s…”

 

“Stupid?” Nicky offered. The sad smile returned to his lips.

 

“A bit,” Neil agreed, “But mostly really sad.”

 

Nicky sighed and threw a look at the door. No one was there, the lights inside the house were turned on. He looked back at Neil.   
“I just wanted to give them something like a home. They’ve both been through enough. I know they’re difficult, but don’t go too hard on either of them, okay?”

 

The feeling in Neil’s chest grew heavier. It wasn’t the first time he heard words like these in a similar context, but muttered from a different mouth. Holding a small, shaking child instead of talking about two young men. He stared at Nicky silently, who grew visibly uncomfortable with each passing second. 

So Neil made a step forward and curled his arms around Nicky. It was awkward, Nicky was so tall Neil barely reached to his collarbone. He still wrapped his arms around Nicky’s waist tightly and leaned his head against his chest. Nicky took in a sharp, confused breath and went completely rigid. A second later his entire body slumped, and he curled his arms around Neil’s form, drawing him close and pressing him against his body tightly. Neil didn’t say anything, he wouldn’t know what, but he felt like he needed to give Nicky this. Suddenly Nicky’s form shook and Neil heard him hiccup. 

“Sorry,” Nicky mumbled and wiped the back of his hand across his eyes, “Shit. Sorry, Neil. Let’s go inside, yeah? The other’s are probably waiting for us.”

Before Neil had the chance to say anything else, Nicky let go off Neil, wiggled out of his arms and quickly walked over the grass to the front door. Neil watched him. He still felt the warmth of Nicky’s body against his chest. For a moment, Neil let himself think of Stuart. 

“Are you coming?” Nicky called for him from the door. The usual smile was already plastered back onto Nicky’s face, but Neil could see the strain in it. 

He just followed Nicky inside silently and closed the door.

 

***

 

Aaron was the first one they found. He was in the kitchen, filling a glass with water at the tap.

“Where are Andrew and Kevin?” Nicky asked as they walked in.

 

“Andrew is tucking Kevin in,” Aaron said, rolling his eyes. “Probably giving him a kiss to the forehead, too, so he’s gonna have sweet dreams.”

 

“You sound jealous,” Neil said with a mocking smile and was rewarded with an angry frown from Aaron. “I can give you a good night kiss, if that makes you feel better.”

 

“Fuck off, Hatford.” Aaron stormed past them and Neil just grinned. Nicky snickered quietly but stopped abruptly when Andrew’s voice came from behind them.

 

“What’s so funny?”

 

Nicky shrugged but Neil just smiled at Andrew.

“For some reason your brother didn’t want my good night kiss. How about you?”

 

“One day I will kill you. It’s on you how soon that day is,” Andrew replied with a blank expression.

 

Andrew vanished into another room and Nicky offered Neil to share the bed with him.

“To be honest there’s not much more we can offer you, the other two bedrooms are Aaron’s and Andrew’s and I doubt any of those two would offer you the other side of their bed. And the couch is taken by Kevin.”

 

“I’ll go and get some fresh air and then I’ll take you up on that offer.”

 

Nicky nodded and wished Neil a good night, then went to his bedroom too. Neil found a door in the living room that lead to a small garden with a bench, two chairs and a table. He sat down on the bench and just enjoyed the quiet - at least until he heard the door open again.

Andrew set two glasses and a bottle of whiskey on the table, then sat down next to Neil. He had shed his club clothes and wore sweatpants and a worn out cotton shirt instead, his feet bare against the tiles and didn’t say anything, just poured some whiskey into the glasses and pushed one towards Neil. Neil raised an eyebrow.

“You think I’m ever taking a drink from you again?”

 

“Then don’t,” Andrew replied.

 

Silence reigned between them, until Neil eventually took the glass. Andrew lit a cigarette, then offered it to Neil, too, who took it. They stayed quiet, but the silence they were sitting in wasn’t heavy nor uncomfortable. 

 

“I’ll play,” Andrew said suddenly, and Neil’s eyes flicked up to him. He wasn’t looking at Neil, but he knew he got Neil’s attention. “Your stupid truth game. I’ll play it.”

 

“Oh.” Neil had given up on that already, he didn’t think Andrew would actually agree to it - but that was good news. This way he could find out everything he needed or wanted to know, too, and they’d both get what they wanted. It was a dangerous game, because Neil wouldn’t lie to Andrew in this. He promised honesty. He might give him half-truths where he had to, but he’d have to be careful and clever about it. “Alright. You have one free question, but only tonight. So what do you want to know?”

 

Andrew took a drag of his cigarette, blew the smoke from his lungs and flicked the ashes off, then turned his head to Neil.

 

“Are you going to be a problem?”

 

Clever. But Neil didn’t expect anything else from Andrew. Others would have asked about who he was or what his plans were, but Andrew asked what was really important - whether Neil was going to be a problem or not.

Answering this wasn’t hard, because Neil knew exactly what he wanted.

“I certainly hope I will,” he said and saw Andrew’s face turned harder, “Not necessarily for you though. I’m here for Riko, not you or Kevin.” Neil didn’t know if that answer was satisfactory to Andrew or not, but it seemed to be enough to take the strain from his shoulders. It was quiet again and they both sipped their drinks and finished their cigarettes. It was a warm, cloudless night and the moon and some stars shone their light onto the garden. Neil wanted to get out of his club clothes and sleep the Crackerdust off. And yet he asked:

“Do you have another question? Remember, if I answer that one, you’ll owe me an answer too.”

 

Andrew looked at Neil and thought. Neil let him, there was no need to rush. Now that Andrew agreed to play his game, Neil had all the time in the world to find out whatever he wanted to know about Andrew. He knew Andrew wanted to know who he was, so he wasn’t worried he wouldn’t get enough opportunities to ask his own questions. 

 

“Who is Nathaniel Wesninski?”

 

Neil flinched. Andrew saw his reaction and seemed interested. If he remembered the name he surely remembered Neil’s reaction the last time it was mentioned. That was probably why he asked this question. 

Neil took a deep breath and braced himself.

“Why do you ask? I’m sure Kevin told you already.” Andrew was silent, so Neil looked at him. And suddenly, he realised.

“Wait. Did Kevin not tell you?”

Andrew stayed silent and Neil couldn’t help a little, gleeful grin. Now, that was interesting. Kevin didn’t tell Andrew about Nathaniel Wesninski, but Neil was absolutely positive that after the incident at the banquet Andrew asked him. 

“Aw, that’s sad. Is your boyfriend not talking to you?” He asked, mocking Andrew, but Andrew just spared him his unimpressed stare, “Well, I’ll tell you if he doesn’t.”

 

“Nathaniel Wesninski is the son of Nathan and Mary Wesninski, and he tragically died when he was just four years old.”


	12. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathaniel Abram Wesninski was a little boy living a nightmare.  
> Neil Abram Hatford was a little boy escaping it.
> 
> Or: How Neil came to live with Stuart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, so, I added the tag to the fic tags but I just wanted to put it at the beginning of this chapter too:
> 
> This chapter has a BIG trigger warning for child abuse. Please be mindful of that. 
> 
> Also, I've put the chapter count to unknown because we're at chapter 11 now (and I've written out chapter 12 already) and nowhere near the end, and there's no way in hell I'm going to wrap this story up in three more chapters. And I really can't tell y'all how many chapters there's to come lol I'll leave it like this until I have an idea how many chapters it's really going to have

“Okay, everyone focus, we will start in one, two, three, four and-- plie. Plie. First arm in first position, now second. Second arm in first position, second, and plie. Plie. First arm down, second arm down...Well done, kids!” 

 

Nathaniel always thought it sounded a bit funny when Miss Dubois was speaking. She had this way of saying things differently, making them sound like they were not quite english. Mummy had explained to him once that she was from France, and that was why she said words differently than Nathaniel. Just like Mummy was from England and she always spoke a bit differently than anyone else in Baltimore. That was where Nathaniel was from - Baltimore. They lived here, in a big house with a big garden. That was where Nathaniel spent most of his time, because he had no one to play with but himself and Melissa, his babysitter. Sometimes Mummy would play with him, too, but she never wanted to play the things Nathaniel did. She always just wanted to play things she called ‘educational games’. Those were boring. Melissa was a lot more fun, but she would only come to their house when his parents weren’t there, so Nathaniel would have to play by himself most of the time. A lot of other children lived on the same street as them, but they never played with him. Their parents didn’t allow it. One time Mrs Jackson from next door said Kim wasn’t allowed to come out and play because Nathaniel was ‘a bad influence’ or something like that. He didn’t know what that meant.

Suddenly there was a hand in his hair and Nathaniel blinked up into Miss Dubois’ face. She wore a warm smile and ruffled his curls a bit, making them stick up even wilder than they usually did anyway. 

“You’re doing really well, Nathaniel,” she said, “You’re going to be a great dancer one day!”

Nathaniel beamed at her, pride making his chest swell, and his eyes scanned the small crowd of parents watching their kids’ ballet class. He spotted Mummy and Father between them and expected them to be just as proud of him, just like all the other parents watching their kids with smiles. But Mummy’s lips only twitched into something that resembled a smile when she saw Nathaniel looking at them, and Father’s eyes were hard, his mouth pressed into a thin line and arms crossed over his chest tightly. Nathaniel’s smile vanished immediately. 

Miss Dubois clapped her hands to get everyone’s attention and asked them to get back into their starting position to do it all over again. Suddenly Nathaniel didn’t feel as excited about his first ballet lesson anymore, but he still tried to do his best. Maybe Father would be happier if Nathaniel just put more effort into it.

 

“I can’t believe you let him do this,” Father snapped at Mummy in the car on the way back home.

 

“Excuse me?” Mummy replied sharply, “I distinctly remember you being on my case about getting the boy out of the house a couple times a week.”

 

“Yes, by making him do something a boy should be doing. Get him into Exy, for example. He could play for the Ravens if he put a bit of effort into it. Not dance like a fucking faggot in a dress!” Nathaniel didn’t know what faggot meant, but he knew what fuck meant and he was pretty sure faggot was just as bad a word as fuck. Father used a lot of bad words, but Nathaniel wasn’t allowed to use them as well. He wanted to tell Father he wasn’t even wearing a dress, even though Nathaniel liked playing dress up, but he knew better than interrupting them when Mummy and Father were fighting. They did that a lot, fighting. Nathaniel didn’t like it. It made him feel all sad and scared when they were shouting at each other. 

 

“It’s what he wanted to do, Nathan, for Christ’s sake. You don’t have to deal with his crying and complaining if he has to play this bloody stupid Exy of yours when he doesn’t want to do it.”

 

“ _ I  _ have to deal with the embarrassment of a son dancing fucking Swan Lake!” Father shouted and hit the steering wheel with his fist. The car swivelled a bit at that and Nathaniel yelped, holding onto his seatbelt. 

“Shut up!” Father yelled at him, looking at Nathaniel through the rearview mirror before directing his eyes back on the street. Nathaniel felt hot tears burn behind his eyes but he tried to keep them from rolling down his cheeks. Father hated when he cried. It only made him angrier.

“What am I supposed to tell Moriyama-sama?” Father asked Mummy, still angry, but at least he wasn’t yelling anymore, “‘Oh, I’m sorry, Moriyama-sama, my son doesn’t have time to do what he’s supposed to do and go to the Nest, because he’s busy flouncing about a stage in a tutu’?! Do you ever fucking  _ think _ , Mary?!”

 

“Shut the hell up,” Mummy spat and turned away from Father, facing the window instead with crossed arms. Father kept yelling at Mummy, but she ignored him. Meanwhile Nathaniel sat in the back, tears silently rolling down his cheeks.

 

***

 

A few months later, Nathaniel had his first ever recital. He was so excited for it, especially because both Mummy and Father were attending. Father didn’t want Nathaniel to talk about ballet class at home because he hated him going, but ballet was so much fun and Miss Dubois was an incredibly nice teacher. So of course Nathaniel was double as excited when Father finally gave in to Mummy and agreed to come, too. Maybe, when he saw how well Nathaniel was doing, he’d finally be proud of him. Just a little bit at least.    
Nathaniel even got one of the leading roles, because Miss Dubois said he was extremely talented. Father just  _ had  _ to be proud when he saw that.

 

Nathaniel was very nervous, but Miss Dubois played a game with them before the show began and afterwards they all felt a bit better. Once Nathaniel was on stage he had so much fun he forgot he was supposed to be nervous. He fell only once, which was his best go at the play they were doing, and Nathaniel was incredibly proud of himself. He had shown his best performance when Mummy and Father and all those other parents were watching and the audience was clapping for them when they came back onto the stage afterwards to take a bow. Miss Dubois told them all how well they did and how proud she was of them, and gave every child a big hug before sending them off to find their parents. With a giddy feeling in his chest Nathaniel ran off and into the foyer where he knew Mummy and Father would be waiting for him. He could already imagine how they’d give him compliments and pull him into their arms like Miss Dubois did, and how Father would always want to come to any future recital now. How could they not? 

 

“Mummy! Mummy!” Nathaniel shouted when he spotted his parents and ran towards them with open arms, “Did you see? How much did you like it?” He hugged Mummy’s leg, bouncing up and down at the same time, a smile so bright and wide on his lips his cheeks hurt. 

Mummy patted his head with one hand. 

“Yes, yes, it was fine, calm down, Nathaniel. Don’t be so wild,” she said. Nathaniel opened his arms for her to pick him up, but Mummy wrapped a hand around his wrist and pushed it down instead.

“You’re old enough to walk. It’s just a minute to the car anyway.”

 

Nathaniel turned to Father now, hoping that maybe he had some nice words, or maybe he’d ruffle his hair or pick him up, but Father just turned and walked away. In that moment Nathaniel’s heart sank. The giddiness was replaced by a heavy feeling that weighed down his shoulders and closed his throat, and he felt the tears coming again.

“Mummy,” he whined but didn’t even get any further than that. Mummy just grabbed his hand and pulled him outside, dragging him to the car and then strapping him into his seat. Then it was silent in the car. Neither Mummy nor Father spoke a single word the entire ride home and Nathaniel was too sad to say anything. 

 

As soon as they were home and inside their house, Nathaniel wished he was still at ballet school, wrapped in Miss Dubois’ gentle arms. Instead he was at home, Father yelling at him from the second the door closed behind him. He was shouting about what a failure Nathaniel was, how embarrassing his dancing was to him.   
“I let you do this stupid dancing of yours and even that you can’t do properly!” Father shouted at Nathaniel who was crying hysterically at this point, his tiny, shaking hands wiping away tears after tears, “Why am I paying hundreds of dollars each month for you to go to this fucking ballet school when after four months you still can’t do it?! It’s a complete waste of money! They can’t even teach you not to fall over your own feet!” 

Then, pain. The entire left side of his face felt like it was burning and Nathaniel cried out before stumbling to the floor. Reflexes kicked in and he curled into a ball, but it didn’t help. Father grabbed him by the hair and pulled him up to his feet again, just to hit him again, on the same spot. Nathaniel fell again, and this time Father left him on the floor.

“You’re a fucking embarrassement!” He shouted. Mummy, who had been standing a few feet away from them with her arms crossed and a frown on her face stepped closer now.

“Jesus, Nathan,” she said calmly, “What did you expect, a perfect performance? He’s four.”

 

“Then why am I paying for these lessons if he’s too young to at least be good at it?!”

 

“Fine, then stop paying for them. Let him go play Exy and see how that works out.” Mummy shrugged, then turned to Nathaniel. He could barely see her through the tears and his swelling left eye, “Go to your room, Nathaniel. It’s bedtime anyway.”

Nathaniel scrambled off the floor and fled to his room as quickly as possible. He shut the door tightly, didn’t lock it,  _ couldn’t  _ lock it because Mummy took the key from him after he locked himself in for the first time a while ago, and threw himself into bed. He cried and cried and cried until the pain in his face turned to numbness and his small, shaking body turned still as he drifted off to sleep.

 

***

 

Today uncle Stuart was coming to visit. Nathaniel was already excited ever since Mummy told him a week ago, because he loved uncle Stuart. He was fun, he played with him and he had the same funny way of talking as Mummy. He wished uncle Stuart would’ve come two days earlier, then he could’ve seen Nathaniel’s recital, too. Nathaniel was sure uncle Stuart would’ve loved it.

When the doorbell rang, announcing uncle Stuart’s arrival, Nathaniel rushed to the door so fast he almost fell down the stairs. He opened the heavy front door by grabbing the handle with both hands and hanging off it with his entire body weight, and then pushing his feet off the floor with enough force him and the door both swung towards the wall. Luckily Nathaniel managed to let go just in time so he just fell to the floor and the door crashed into the wall without him. Quickly he scrambled to his feet and wrapped his arms around both of uncle Stuart’s legs.

 

“Uncle Stuart! Uncle Stuart!” He yelled then stretched his arms out for him. Uncle Stuart looked at him in surprise for a second before he started laughing, set down his suitcase and picked Nathaniel up. 

“Oof,” he said as if Nathaniel was the heaviest thing he ever lifted and wrapped one arm under his butt to hold him up, “Look at you! You’ve grown so much since I’ve seen you last, little bean.”

Nathaniel wrapped his arms around uncle Stuart’s neck and hugged him as tight as he could. Uncle Stuart chuckled, then pressed a kiss into Nathaniel’s hair, and Nathaniel felt incredibly happy at the gentle show of affection.  

 

“Nathaniel!!” His father’s voice thundered through the entire house and Nathaniel flinched immediately, looking in the direction the voice was coming from before hiding his face in uncle Stuart’s neck. He felt his uncle tense and clung to his shoulders a bit tighter.

“What the fuck are you doing, Nathaniel?!” His father’s voice was angry and his steps loud as he rounded the corner to the hallway, “What did I tell you about opening the front door?! I swear to fucking God, if I catch you opening that damn door one more time--”   
  
“Then what?” Uncle Stuart asked with a calm demeanor and placed a gentle hand on Nathaniel’s back. Father was quiet save for an angry huff and his heavy steps coming closer.

“Hello, Nathan,” Uncle Stuart said, “So lovely to see you again.” 

 

“Yeah, yeah, just come in,” Father growled. Nathaniel dared to throw a glimpse over his uncle’s shoulder and saw his father shutting the door, then inspecting the wall and frowning unhappily. Nathaniel spotted the little dent in the wall that wasn’t there before and his stomach dropped immediately. He hid his face deeper in uncle Stuart’s neck, knowing what was about to come.

“Nathaniel,” Father growled and Nathaniel whimpered quietly, “Come here right now.” Nathaniel clung to Stuart. He didn’t want to go to Father. Uncle Stuart patted his back and set his suitcase down in the hallway.

 

“ _ Nathaniel _ .”

 

“Jesus, Nathan, give the boy a break,” uncle Stuart said.

 

“It’s none of your fucking business, Stuart, he’s my son. Now set him down.”

 

Uncle Stuart muttered something under his breath that sounded like  _ not for long  _ before he bent over to set Nathaniel down gently.    
“It’s okay, buddy,” he said and combed his hand through his curls before standing up straight again. Nathaniel looked up at him, hoping he’d pick him up again, his little hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt, but Stuart did not pick him up again. So Nathaniel looked to where his father was waiting for him, visibly growing more impatient with every passing second. Slowly he made his way over, hoping if only he was slow enough fate would change and be on his side for once, but as soon as he was in reach his father grabbed him by the collar and dragged him to where the dent was. 

“Do you see that?!” He barked. Nathaniel nodded, his lips pressed together tightly, tears already in his eyes. “If you open that goddamned door one more time I’m gonna beat that fucking habit out of you! Do you understand?” Nathaniel nodded again, a sob shaking his body. His father’s hard hand sat tightly curled around the nape of his neck and he shook Nathaniel’s small body with it as he started to cry.

“Don’t you fucking dare start crying, you should be thankful I’m not punishing you for getting that dent into the wall!” Father yelled. He wished he could stop it, but the tears kept coming and Nathaniel sobbed again even though he knew it would just get Father even more angry. Relief washed over him when Father just gave him a little shove, making Nathaniel stumble into the wall, and then turned and walked away. 

 

“You’re a disgrace, Nathan,” uncle Stuart hissed when Father passed by him, “You disgust me.”

 

“Shut the fuck up, Stuart,” Father replied cooly, his eyes scanning uncle Stuart from head to toe, “Your father should’ve given you a couple more beatings too, maybe you wouldn’t have turned out to be a faggot then.”

Nathaniel saw uncle Stuart press his lips to a thin line and curl his hands into fists. Father saw it, too. His eyes flicked down to Stuart’s hands, back up to his face, there was a moment of silence where they just stared at each other, then Father grinned. Without another word of either of them, Father left Nathaniel and Stuart in the hallway and went back to the living room.

Uncle Stuart took a couple deep breaths, closed his eyes and counted to 15, then looked to where Nathaniel was still standing, entire body shaking and silently crying.

“Come here, dear,” he said quietly as he went to his knees and opened his arms for Nathaniel. Nathaniel started to run immediately and fell into his uncle’s arm, sobbing, wetting his impeccably ironed dress shirt with tears. 

 

***

 

Nathaniel woke up to a quiet voice calling out his name.

“Nathaniel. Nathaniel, wake up!” A hand pressed to his shoulder, shaking him gently and Nathaniel jerked up, holding back a surprised yelp, his breath getting stuck in his throat. 

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s me, uncle Stuart.” It took him a while to get used to the dark but soon Nathaniel recognised his uncle and blinked at him questioningly.

“Is it morning already?” Nathaniel asked, rubbing his eyes. 

“No,” Stuart said, brushing curls out of Nathaniel’s face, “Come on, get up. We’re leaving.”

“Where are we going?” Nathaniel yawned but shuffled out of bed, his short legs hanging off the bed as he stretched his tired muscles before he jumped off. “Are we going on a trip?”

“Yes,” uncle Stuart whispered and laid some clothes out on the bed before hurrying back to the wardrobe and stuffing clothes into a duffle bag. 

“Mummy didn’t tell me we’re going on a trip. Is it a surprise?” Nathaniel asked as he struggled out of his pajamas, then into the clothes uncle Stuart laid out for him. He managed to get his legs into the trousers, struggled a bit with pulling them all the way over his butt, then fought with the button before asking his uncle for help. 

“Do the shirt first, I’ll help you in a second,” Stuart whispered, now putting Nathaniel’s favourite stuffed animal and some toys and books into the bag as well, “And Mummy doesn’t know we’re going on a trip.” 

Nathaniel stopped with the shirt halfway on and looked at uncle Stuart. He tilted his head in question and frowned at him.

“Won’t she be worried if she doesn’t know?”

“Probably not,” Stuart sighed and closed the zipper of the bag. He walked over to Nathaniel on tiptoes, knelt down and closed the button for him, then pulled the hem of his shirt down the rest of the way. 

“Where are we going?” Nathaniel asked as uncle Stuart threw the duffle bag over his shoulder and took Nathaniel’s hand with his other hand. 

“England,” he said, “You’re going to live with uncle Stuart now.”

 

Nathaniel stopped, staring at him. Living with uncle Stuart? Without Mummy knowing? Surely she’d be worried! But then he remembered how his father had taken him by the neck and shook him today. Or how he hit him and Mummy just stood, watching them, sending Nathaniel to his room afterwards instead of consoling him. She never hugged him anymore, never gave him kisses and didn’t tell Father to stop when he was being mean. But uncle Stuart, he was always nice to Nathaniel. He would take him into his arm, gave him kisses, called him love and dear and darling and little bean. He brought presents whenever he was here to visit, took Nathaniel to have ice cream and listened with a smile on his face when Nathaniel told him about ballet class. He even asked him to show him a little dance and clapped when Nathaniel was done.

“Come on, we need to hurry,” uncle Stuart whispered and pulled on Nathaniel’s hand. And Nathaniel went.

 

There was a car parked in front of the house, engine running, and a lady standing in front of it. When she saw Stuart and Nathaniel emerging from the house she opened the car’s back door so Stuart could lift him into the car and strap him in the booster seat. The lady and Stuart exchanged hushed words as she put the bag with Nathaniel’s belongings into the trunk of the car. The door was shut, and Stuart sat down in the passenger seat. The lady locked the car from inside, then drove off. Nathaniel watched his house getting smaller and smaller as they drove until it completely vanished into the dark veil of the night. 

 

“You okay, buddy?” Uncle Stuart asked, his head turned so he could see Nathaniel. He nodded, and Stuart smiled at him.

“By the way, this is Billie,” Stuart introduced the lady behind the wheel and she smiled at Nathaniel through the rearview mirror, “She helps me with my work.”

 

“Hey, Nathaniel,” she said. Her voice was warm and nice, and Nathaniel really liked the sound of it, “It’s nice to meet you. Stuart told me so much about you already. You’re doing ballet, right?”

At the mention of ballet Nathaniel perked up and nodded excitedly. Billie laughed quietly.

“That’s so cool. I did ballet, too, when I was a child. Tell me about your classes, yeah?”

And Nathaniel did. He told her all about his classes, about the recital and how well it went, and how proud Miss Dubois had been. Billie nodded along to his words and Stuart smiled as he listened to Nathaniel’s story for what must have been the fourth time in not even 24 hours. 

 

At the airport, Billie and Stuart played a fun game with him where Nathaniel got to pretend his name was Neil and they were his Mummy and Daddy. After they went through security, they told him how well he did after Nathaniel told a TSA Agent  _ I’m Neil! _ before running away, giggling. He even got to have some crisps, even though it was so late. Or was it early? Either way, Mummy and Father would never have allowed him to have crisps. 

Eventually, Nathaniel fell asleep with his head on Stuart’s lap and his legs thrown over Billie’s. When he woke up again he was on an airplane, mid-flight, seated between uncle Stuart and Billie. Billie was napping but woke up with a jolt when Nathaniel climbed over her to look out the window. She laughed quietly as she rubbed her eyes.

“Coffee?” Uncle Stuart asked.

“Yeah,” Billie replied.

Uncle Stuart called one of the Stewardesses and ordered two coffee, and hot chocolate for Nathaniel. She brought the order, plus a colouring book and some pencils.

“Thank you,” Nathaniel said, because it was important to be polite, and the Stewardess smiled at him sweetly.

 

A few hours later, Nathaniel Abram Wesninski would arrive in London Heathrow, but Neil Abram Hatford would leave the airport.

 

At the same time, Nathan and Mary Wesninski would find a letter in their son’s empty bed, written by Mary’s brother, informing them that he took their son to England where he was to stay. And if either of them would ever try to get too close to him again, Stuart would make them regret it.


	13. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Eden's Neil and Andrew have a little round of their truth-game, before they're headed back to PSU and get back into everyday life. Which means cheer practice for Neil, and Katelyn doesn't cut them any slack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the chapter is a bit late but life is kicking me in the butt atm and I've been so extremely stressed out and tired last week I just couldn't make myself proofread and upload this chapter  
> But work is (luckily) getting calmer again so I have more energy this weekend, so here you go!  
> Hope you enjoy ♥

“So your uncle kidnapped you.” Andrew finally asked, still staring at Neil. He had been silent for a solid minute that Neil had just waited out, sipping on his whiskey.

“We prefer to call it ‘partially approved adoption’,” he replied with a shrug and earned a short snort from Andrew. “Nathaniel Abram Wesninski is officially dead and Stuart adopted a little boy called Neil Abram Hatford 15 years ago. The last kind of contact we had to my parents was when they sent Stuart a letter with a copy of Nathaniel’s death certificate when I was…six?”

 

“Your parents declared you dead, just like that. You expect me to believe that?”

 

“I don’t care if you believe me to be perfectly honest with you. I could make you believe me, but the information that I’d have to tell you for that is not free. And it’s my turn anyway.” Andrew huffed quietly but accepted it. He took a big swig of his whiskey, then looked back at Neil.

“So? What’s your question?”

 

There were a lot of things he wanted to know from Andrew. Some had to do with his relationship to Kevin, some were about his medication and some were solely meant to figure out whether Neil had any chance of ending up in Andrew’s bed any time soon. But there was a question Neil needed to ask first. Without an answer to that, he probably wouldn’t be able to safely answer Andrew’s question in the future without giving too much away.

“What did Kevin tell you about the Nest and the Moriyamas?”

 

Jackpot. Andrew froze, looked at Neil, then slowly raised an eyebrow. He definitely knew  _ something _ . He twirled the last sip of his whiskey around his glass and left Neil in silence for a couple minutes, and Neil grew impatient with each passing one. He really was testing his limits today. But just before Neil did something to urge Andrew for an answer, Andrew spoke up. He told Neil what he knew and it was… a lot. Never would he have thought that Kevin had been so honest with the Foxes, but apparently they all knew about this. They knew that Kengo and Ichirou Moriyama were the heads of a mafia family, that Riko, as the second son, had been pushed away and raised by his uncle Tetsuji, and that the Nest was a place of horror and trauma. They even knew that Riko was the one who broke Kevin’s hand. Neil blinked at Andrew stupidly when he was done talking and silence settled between them again for a while.

“Wow. I-,” Neil stammered, surprise clear in his voice and his expression, “I didn’t think Kevin would’ve told you this much.”

 

“But he didn’t tell us how  _ you _ fit into this,” Andrew said, “Riko knew you and knew about your ‘death’. What does Nathaniel have to do with the Moriyamas?”

 

“Is that your next question for the truth game?”   
  
Andrew grunted and frowned at Neil. He probably wasn’t happy how every time he wanted to know something about Neil, he’d eventually have to give up something about himself, too. But this was their game, and he agreed to it.

“Yes,” he said sourly.

Well, if Andrew already knew about the Moriyamas there was no need for Neil to hold back either. He wouldn’t get anyone involved in this whole mafia business, but if Andrew was already balls deep in it anway, it wouldn’t hurt to give him the truth. It was funny, Neil had never told anyone the truth about his biological father, at least no one who wasn’t somehow actively involved in Stuart’s business. And now he was about to tell a boy from his college’s exy team he had met a couple months ago.

 

“My biological father is the Butcher of Baltimore, Kengo Moriyama’s right-hand man. He’s basically the family’s personal binman. He kills whoever gets in their way and then disposes of them.” It was somehow liberating, in a weird way, to tell someone who  _ wasn’t  _ part of Stuart’s business. Someone who actually did still react shocked to the news that Neil was the son of a serial killer. Even if Andrew’s shock only showed in him going completely still and the corner of his mouth twitching ever so slightly. Neil caught the signs. “I was supposed to play for the Ravens, too, you know. Nathan wanted to sell me out, just like Jean Moreau’s parents did, but to him it was a question of loyalty rather than debt. However,  _ I _ prefered ballet over Exy. I did play Exy for a bit, and I also did meet Kevin and Riko back then though, that’s how they know me. And, sadly, I’m basically the spitting image of Nathan. I mean, granted, I’m probably about half his size, but apart from that, Riko probably recognised me by my looks, too.” 

Andrew stayed silent. Neil emptied his glass and stole another cigarette from him. A frown was Andrew’s only reaction to Neil’s boldness and Neil replied with a quick grin.

 

“You know,” Andrew said eventually, “The more I learn about you, the more I want to kill you.”

 

“I hear that a lot,” Neil joked, “Do you realise now I’m not going to be a threat to you though?” Andrew squinted at him, so Neil decided to explain further.

“My uncle took me to the UK to save me from my parents and from a future as Riko’s toy - which is exactly the fate Kevin lived. Nothing, and I mean  _ nothing _ , is further from my intentions than doing anything that could even remotely please Riko. I’m here to make his life as miserable as I possibly can. Which, kind of, puts me on your side. I’m gonna keep giving Kevin shit, but I’m only a threat to his ego, not to his well-being.”

 

“By all means, keep giving him shit. I don’t care,” Andrew said. Neil grinned.

“Alright. So are we good?”

“I still fucking hate you, Hatford.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

They finished their cigarettes, then went inside together. 

“I’ll go to Nicky’s room now,” Neil said as he closed the garden door, then ran up to Andrew who was already walking ahead and bumped his hips into his playfully, “Except you’ll offer me a space in your bed instead?” Andrew shoved him, not hard but enough to make Neil stumble two steps to the side.

“Shut up,” he grunted and Neil laughed.

 

***

 

They made their way back to Palmetto the next morning. Andrew was back on his medication, so Neil was seated between the twins again with Nicky driving the car. The Foxes’ girls crossed their way as the group entered the dorm building and Dan immediately rushed to them, grabbing Neil by his arms.

“Are you okay?!” Neil blinked at her, startled.

 

“Huh? Yes? Do I not look okay?”

  
“No. I mean, yes. But you were with them and-”

 

“Dan, I’m fine,” Neil laughed, “It takes more than a couple college boys to get me down. I mean, I’d definitely be  _ down  _ for a group of college boys but--”   
  
“Okay, alright, you’re definitely fine,” Dan said and let go of him. She rolled her eyes, but a small grin sat on her lips. In the corner of his eye, Neil noticed Renee stopping by Andrew and smiling at him. 

“I don’t think you’d be interested in inviting him for drinks, Renee,” Andrew told her with his manic grin. Renee looked almost surprised at that, threw a quick glance at Neil, then back to Andrew and put the smile back on her face.

“Oh,” she said, “Alright.”

Those two were weird. But at least Neil didn’t seem to be the only one who didn’t get their conversations.

 

When Neil returned to his dorm Katelyn was lounging on the sofa and welcomed him back, asking about his night out. He confessed that he was in Columbia with the Monsters and she almost lost it at that.

“What?! You went out with them and didn’t tell me?”

 

“I didn’t want you to freak out, because Dan already did. She acted like they were gonna murder me there or something,” he said, shrugging.

 

“And how did it go?” Katelyn asked. She was still sitting, though she was perked up now, watching Neil come over and fall onto the sofa next to her.

 

“It was okay, the club wouldn’t have been my first choice but it was better than I thought. I spent most of the night on the dancefloor.”

 

“That’s not what I meant, dumbass,” she snapped, hitting Neil in the shoulder to which he replied with a scandalised yelp. “I meant how did it go with Andrew?! Did you flirt with him? Did he flirt back?  _ Is  _ he even into guys?!”

“Oh yeah, we fucked as soon as we were at their place, I’m still sore,” he deadpanned. 

 

“Oh my  _ God _ !!” Katelyn shrieked. Neil burst out laughing.

 

“No! It was a joke, Kay, we did not fuck last night. We didn’t flirt either. But we talked, later, back at their house.”

 

“About what?” She wanted to know. Welp, that he couldn’t tell her.

 

“Oh, you now. This and that, nothing in particular,” Neil shrugged.

 

“I can’t believe Andrew just sat down with you and had a chat? That doesn’t sound like him at  _ all _ .” She pulled a face as if she was trying to make sense of this. She was right though, it wasn’t like Andrew to just sit down for a chat with him. It’s also not what he did. But it was good that Katelyn believed it. 

“You know what,” she said eventually and looked at Neil, shaking her head a little bit, “Maybe he really does like you. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but maybe you really are the one who manages to tame Andrew.”

 

“Tame?” Neil snorted, “He needs no taming, Kay. And certainly not from me.”

 

“Whatever you say, sweety,” she grinned.

 

***

 

Neil was absolutely drenched in sweat. They had been doing their new choreography at least five times in succession now, and to say it was exhausting was still an understatement. 

“Okay!” Katelyn shouted over them as they were finished. Neil had no idea how she was still able to shout when she was clearly just as exhausted as them, “Go drink something and then I wanna see it again one last time!” Everyone groaned but complied. She was really whipping them today. 

Neil pushed a hand through his hair to get the curls sticking to his forehead out of his face before he took a drink. They didn’t get much of a break, just enough to catch their breath and have a drink, then Katelyn already herded them back into their starting position.

  
At this point, Neil had heard the song so many times, he knew both the steps and the lyrics by heart. He could probably do it if Katelyn woke him up at 3am and demanded him to sing and dance. The music started and all the Vixens made the first step in perfect unison. After the first minute or so Neil got distracted by a group of people walking onto the court and realised it were the Foxes. If they were here already that meant the Vixens were exceeding their practice times, since usually they were off the court about half an hour before the Foxes came in for their afternoon practice. Well, they’d have to wait a little then, the Vixens were in the middle of something.

Neil threw his leg high enough for his foot to be on head-level, then dropped it and turned around himself in time with the music. When he fell into the next step, he noticed a pair of eyes on him.

Andrew’s, to be exact.

Neil couldn’t stop the grin spreading on his face despite his exhaustion when he saw Andrew hanging back, still close to the court door, leaning on his racquet and watching Neil. He had his face schooled into a blank expression, but Neil wasn’t fooled by it. Andrew could go join the others, Kevin at least, but instead he was right there, watching him, and Neil felt some energy coming back to him. 

 

_ Oh baby when you start unwinding, temperature is rising, feel the heat between us, so hot and I just can’t handle _

Neil looked straight into Andrew’s eyes as he kept dancing and he could pinpoint the moment Andrew realised. His mouth twitched and he frowned - but didn’t avert his eyes. Neil circled his hips slowly, raised his arms, threw his head back, then looked back at Andrew with a cheeky grin. 

Suddenly he was glad he knew the dance so well, thanks for that Katelyn, because he could shift some of his focus to flirting with Andrew with his body and eyes. Mouthing along to some of the lyrics as he kept looking back at Andrew whenever the choreography would allow it helped, too.

 

_ Love when you push up on it, makes me push back on it, wait where we want it _

_  
_ _ So close I can feel you breathing _

 

_ You want it, I want it, she want it, so come get it _

 

_ We forget, no regret, tonight Imma make you taste it _

 

Andrew realised what Neil was doing, and whether he wanted to or not, probably not, it was enough to draw some sort of reaction from him. It wasn’t much, but Andrew stood straighter, his hand holding onto the racquet in a white-knuckle grip, and Neil was probably the proudest he had ever been of anything. Sure, one could interpret his stance as annoyance, too, but Neil refused to. Andrew was still watching - that  _ had  _ to mean something. Right?

Neil turned around in sync with the other Vixens and half of them dropped into a squad, so deep that Neil felt his heels digging into his ass cheeks, their thighs spread. The other half still stood but with their legs apart. Neil threw a quick glance over his shoulder, making sure Andrew was still watching and when he saw he was, he grinned, pleased. When they’d do this choreography pre-game for the first time he’d have to ask someone to film Andrew’s face for him - Neil really wanted to see his reaction to this part, but he couldn’t really look over his shoulder as they were twerking.

On the last beat, Neil dropped into a split, just like three other Vixens, while the rest went into various other poses. Neil heard nothing but his and the others’ laboured breathing for a few seconds, then some of the Foxes started to cheer and whistle.

Katelyn laughed, so did some of the others. Neil, on the other hand, searched for Andrew’s eyes. And, really, he was still looking at him - with a very deep frown on his face. Neil grinned and waved, and that seemed to kick Andrew back into motion. The second Neil raised his hand to wave he scoffed and stomped to where the goal was.

 

“What’s with him?” Neil looked up to see Katelyn standing next to him, extending her hand to help him off the floor. Neil took it with a grin.

“He was watching me dance,” he replied, “I think he’s angry he liked it.” Katelyn laughed and shook her head in exasperation.

“I can’t believe you’re actually turning Andrew’s head,” she grinned, “You’re unbelievable.”

 

“Andrew!” Coach Wymack walked onto the court and looked at the Vixens with slight confusion, but seemed to decide it wasn’t relevant since they were packing up and leaving.

“What,” Andrew called back from goal.

“What did he do now?” Katelyn mumbled. Neil shrugged.

“Bee called. She wants to see you right now. Seems to be important. Get your ass over there,” Coach said. All Foxes exchanged glances. So did Neil and Katelyn. Andrew just shrugged, threw his racquet over his shoulder and walked back across the court towards the exit.

“Alright,” he said, grinning, “Bye-bye, Coach.”

 

Neil followed him with his eyes, wondering what the Foxes’ shrink could want from Andrew that was so important he had to skip practice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I made Neil (and all the other Vixens) twerk  
> No, I don't regret anything  
> Don't @ me
> 
> [ This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJDKL6K-kOs) is the song the Vixens are dancing to btw ;)


	14. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something isn't right with Andrew, and Neil is faced with an unexpected truth about himself.

“Ugh, finally.” Neil yawned as he left his last class for the day. He hated chemistry. It was hard staying awake when the professor had the most monotone voice on this entire planet while talking about things Neil couldn’t give two shits about. He was really proud he didn’t just drop his head on the desk and took a nap. He didn’t exactly listen either, but at least he put  _ some  _ effort into it.

Neil headed to the little café they had on campus where he was supposed to meet up with Katelyn. She was already waiting for him when he arrived and greeted him with a cheerful smile and a little kiss to the cheek. 

 

“How was your day?” Katelyn asked and they fell into easy chatter as they waited in line. Katelyn did most of the talking because Neil wasn’t fully awake from his almost-nap yet, but by the time they reached the front of the line he managed to order his vanilla latte to-go without yawning at the student behind the counter - who looked about as tired as Neil felt. 

“Have you seen Andrew today?” Katelyn asked in a weirdly hushed voice and Neil frowned at her, shaking his head.

“No, why?” The coffee brought some life back into him - or maybe it was the way Katelyn asked him about Andrew that properly woke up his mind. Katelyn shrugged, her bag slipping off her shoulder in the process and she almost spilled her drink. She pulled the strap of her bag back onto her shoulder while Neil got the door for her and they made their way towards the library.

“I was texting Aaron today and he said Andrew is acting kinda weird lately, but wouldn’t say anything else about it,” she explained, “I thought maybe you’d know what that’s supposed to mean.”

He did not, but he  _ was _ intrigued. Weird wasn’t a word that was unusual to be used to describe Andrew, but coming from Aaron it definitely caught Neil’s attention. Aaron spent almost the entire day, every day, with his brother. There probably wasn’t much left that’d weird him out about Andrew.

 

Neil kind of forgot about the exchange after this. It wasn’t like he could just text Andrew and ask - first of all, he didn’t even have Andrew’s phone number. Second of all, even if he did, Andrew would probably just ignore the question. And last but not least - he wouldn’t snitch on Aaron and Katelyn. Not for Aaron’s sake, but for Katelyn’s. So, instead of brooding over what was probably just a mood of Andrew’s, Neil focused on the sheets filled with math problems in front of him. He was good at math and he enjoyed the subject. Of course he did, that’s why he made it his major, but he really neglected studying lately and it showed. Sure, he was here to kick Riko’s ass, but he wasn’t planning on re-doing his first year of college just because he got too distracted by his pettiness and a certain goal keeper. Also, Stuart would fly all the way to South Carolina just to kick his ass so hard, Neil would be back in London on time for afternoon tea without a plane ticket if he failed his classes because of this.

 

***

 

“Alright, I can’t think anymore. If I have to look at one more number, I think I’m gonna throw up,” Neil groaned after three hours and dropped his pen in defeat. Katelyn looked up from the book about human anatomy and the musculoskeletal system she had been reading for the past hour, then threw a look at her watch and promptly closed the book.

“Yeah, you’re right,” she said, “We should head back to the dorm and get ready for practice.” Practice sounded a lot better than studying so Neil agreed and they gathered their stuff, threw the long-empty coffee cups into the nearest bin and left the library to walk back to the dorm. They were absorbed in a conversation about possible changes to their recent choreography when Katelyn nudged Neil with her elbow and nodded in a direction.

“Look, it’s your boyfriend,” she said in a slightly teasing tone. When Neil looked to where she nodded he spotted Andrew and Kevin walking down the road.

“Shut up,” he told her and shoved his own elbow into her waist, which Katelyn acknowledged with a laugh. 

“Hi Andrew,” he greeted despite Katelyn’s comment when they passed the two. Andrew just threw him a blank stare and didn’t answer, and Neil shrugged it off.

 

Three steps later, he stopped dead in his tracks. 

Neil turned and stared after Andrew and Kevin who just kept walking while Katelyn took a second to react before she stopped as well and looked at Neil questioningly.

“Neil?”

“ _ Hi Andrew _ ,” Neil called after them again, and finally Andrew turned around, his face an unimpressed, emotionless mask. 

“What,” he said without any apparent interest. Neil felt his heart beat faster. This was what Aaron meant when he told Katelyn Andrew was acting weird. 

“Are you mental?!” Neil hissed and made a few quick steps until he was only a couple inches apart from Andrew. Andrew just watched him closely, but didn’t move. 

“You’re off your meds on campus? What if someone sees and tells on you? You’re breaking parole!” Neil was careful to keep his voice down so no one but Andrew, and Kevin who was standing close by, would hear. Andrew’s face didn’t even twitch. He just stared Neil down with a bored gaze for an eternity.

“I’m not off my meds, Hatford. And it’s none of your fucking business anyway.”

Neil couldn’t believe how stupid Andrew must think he was if he thought he’d believe for just one second that Andrew was on his medication when he was acting like this. Especially after he took Neil to Eden’s and Neil saw him off his meds. 

“What--” He started. Before he could finish, Andrew suddenly closed his eyes, turned a shade or two paler in a matter of seconds and swallowed hard, grabbing Kevin’s arm hard enough for his knuckles to turn white.

“We’re leaving,” he said, voice pressed, turned and walked away without giving Neil any sort of explanation. Kevin looked at Neil, then followed Andrew silently. 

 

“Neil?” Katelyn’s voice was quiet and careful behind him. Neil stared after Andrew and Kevin for a moment longer. This was clearly Andrew off his meds. His demeanor, the way he suddenly looked like he was trying not to throw up, it was exactly what Neil had seen on the way to Columbia. It didn’t matter what Andrew said. 

His heart was still racing, panic in his chest he couldn’t quite explain but that was definitely for Andrew’s sake. If the wrong person found out Andrew was breaking parole he’d get into a fuckload of trouble. Why on bloody earth would he risk that?

“Neil, are you okay? What happened?” Neil looked over his shoulder at Katelyn, who looked genuinely concerned. 

“Nothing,” Neil lied, not expecting Katelyn to believe it. She didn’t, but she accepted that he didn’t want to talk about it and nodded.

“Okay,” she said.

“Let’s go back to the dorm,” Neil said. Katelyn agreed.

 

***

 

The encounter with Andrew earlier that day had shaken Neil more than he liked to admit. After practice he was still wondering why Andrew would walk about unmedicated, for everyone to see. He already thought going to Eden’s unmedicated was a pretty big risk, but here, on campus? Pretty much anyone knew Andrew, he was the college team’s goalie. If someone knew about his parole they could easily rat him out and Andrew would face charges. It was just absolutely insane. 

 

When he entered Foxtower that night, alone, because Katelyn stayed behind at the court to work on the choreography, he tried to think of reasonable explanations as to why Andrew would skip his meds. Andrew wasn’t an unreasonable person, and certainly not a stupid one either. He wouldn’t just risk this much for nothing. Maybe he ran out of them? No, Andrew wasn’t the kind to forget to renew his prescription on time. Maybe they took him off his meds? Unlikely. Andrew wouldn’t have a reason to lie to him about still being on his meds then, and why would they do that to begin with? 

Neil let out a frustrated sigh as the lobby door fell close behind him but was distracted by the voices of two people arguing. When he looked up, he saw Kevin and Andrew heading towards the elevator. They hadn’t noticed him, partly because he was walking a few feet behind them, partly because they were busy barking insults at each other. Andrew looked genuinely annoyed, when usually he’d be absolutely delighted about riling Kevin up because his drug-induced mania would override any other emotion he might feel. Now he looked ready to knock Kevin the fuck out if he said one more wrong word.

Before Neil was able to catch up to them and ask what the fuck was going on, the elevator doors closed and Andrew and Kevin were gone. Neil frowned at the metal doors and pressed the call button harder than necessary.

 

He was going to find out what was going on with Andrew.

 

***

 

“Alright, squad, practice is over,” Katelyn shouted over the already starting chatter amongst the exhausted Vixens. As always she didn’t cut them any slack and they were all drenched in sweat by the time they hit the showers. The hot water felt good on Neil’s skin and he stayed under the spray a little longer than necessary. But not just for the sake of relaxing his muscles and taking extra care of his skin and hair today, he was hanging behind for a different reason.

 

“I’ll be fine,” Neil said when one of the others told him to hurry up so they could all drive back to the dorm together, “You go ahead, I have plans.” He took his time packing up his duffel bag and putting on his clothes, waiting for everyone else to leave before he walked back inside the stadium. The lights were still turned on despite no one being here, but the Foxes would start practice soon. Neil sat down in the bleachers and waited.

 

His eyes snapped up from his phone when he heard voices approaching and the first of the Foxes were making their way to court. Dan, Renee and Allison were chatting among each other as they walked ahead of the rest of the group and Neil watched them all assemble on court, Coach Wymack the last one to leave the locker room.

But someone was missing.

Only eight of the nine Foxes were running laps and the one player Neil had been waiting for all this time wasn’t among them - Andrew. He frowned and climbed down the bleachers until he could press his palms against the plexiglass separating him from the inner court. 

  
“Hatford? What are you doing here? The Vixens’ practice ended an hour ago.” 

Neil turned his head to where Coach Wymack’s voice was coming from and found him standing four feet to his left. 

“Just watching, Coach,” Neil said and looked up at him, “Where’s Andrew?” 

Coach huffed quietly and raised an eyebrow, then shook his head with a sigh.

“He’s not coming to practice today.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“It’s not my place to tell you, kiddo. Go and ask him yourself, he might just tell you.”

Neil tilted his head a bit and eyed Coach Wymack. He wasn’t exactly sure about Coach’s intentions, but he was pretty sure he had an idea that Neil wasn’t just trying to copy homework off Andrew. Not that Neil was in any way subtle about that. Somehow he got the feeling Coach Wymack wasn’t exactly opposed to it though.

“Thanks, Coach, I’ll do that,” he said with a little grin and pushed off the plexiglass. 

  
“Don’t push him too much, though. I’ll get in trouble if you die tonight,” Coach called after him. Neil turned, saluted and shouted back: “Yes, Sir!” 

Coach sighed again and rolled his eyes, and Neil took off with an amused laugh.

Back at the dorm Neil took the elevator to the floor only the Foxes were using, one floor above his own dorm. Maybe it wasn’t too bad Andrew wasn’t at practice, this way they’d have some privacy and Andrew might be more inclined to tell Neil what he wanted to hear.

He didn’t even have to go all the way to the dorm - when the elevator doors opened, Neil saw Andrew walking down the hallway. Andrew saw him too, stopped and raised an eyebrow.

“Wrong floor,” he said flatly.

“Nope, right floor,” Neil said, “Mind if I join you, wherever you’re going?”

Andrew eyed him for a few seconds, considering whether he wanted Neil to follow or not, but he made up his mind rather quickly and resumed his way. Neil held the elevator door, but to his surprise Andrew took a turn just before it. Instead of taking the elevator he opened the door to the staircase and went up, even though the Foxes’ floor was on the top level. Neil followed him, curious where he was leading him, until they reached a door labelled “STAFF ONLY”. Neil raised an eyebrow and watched as Andrew reached under the cuff of his black hoodie.

 

“You’re carrying knives under your sleeve. Of course you carry knives under your sleeve, that’s so edgy.” Honestly, he wasn’t even surprised. Was that how Andrew had brought that knife into the banquet as well? Did he just casually carry knives around with him every day? 

Andrew just spared him a quick glance before he pushed the knife’s blade between the door and its frame, gave the handle a few hard jerks and the door sprung open for him. Well, maybe it was a little hot too, if Neil was being honest, but mostly edgy.

They stepped outside, onto the rooftop. Neil didn’t know what they were doing here - maybe Andrew would finally try to kill him by pushing him off the edge? It was past time, considering the amount of times Andrew told him he’d kill him. But for now Andrew just lit a cigarette and walked towards the edge of the roof, not waiting for Neil, and sat down, his feet dangling off. Neil closed the door behind himself and followed Andrew. He sat down, plucked the cigarette from between Andrew’s lips and quickly put it between his own before Andrew could get it back. Andrew gave him a slightly annoyed look for that, but pulled the pack of cigarettes from his jeans again without comment and lit another one. 

“So, those knives. Do you just put them under your sleeve like that? Do you have, like, sheaths sewn into all of your sleeves? What is it?” Neil reached for Andrew’s arm and pulled on his cuff with two fingers, pulling it closer so he could take a look inside and check out the knife-situation, but before he even had the chance to catch a glance Andrew snatched his arm back with one quick, sharp movement and glared at Neil.

“Alright, okay, no touchy, I get it,” Neil said, throwing his hands up, “Sorry.”

A tense silence settled over them as Andrew adjusted his sleeve and pointedly didn’t look at Neil. When he was done, he focused his gaze onto the ground that was easily 40 feet or more beneath their feet. His breath hitched for a second, then evened out again just as quickly. Neil watched his profile for a while. 

“I was waiting for you, at the Foxhole Court,” he said eventually, “But Coach said you weren’t coming to practice. He didn’t tell me why though.”

“What do you want?” Andrew asked, flicking some ash off his cigarette.

 

“Why aren’t you at practice?”

 

“I didn’t feel like it.”

 

“I don’t think Kevin would let you skip practice just because you didn’t feel like it.”

 

“I don’t need Kevin’s permission to do shit.”

 

Neil tilted his head a little. Andrew was still not looking at him, so he kept studying his profile instead. He still looked a bit pale. Paler than usual, that is. A soft breath of wind played with the blond strands of hair in Andrew’s face and suddenly Neil’s heart skipped a beat for no reason. He couldn’t make himself look away or say anything, so he stayed quiet and just kept looking, wondering how long Andrew would let him. 

The tension between them slowly melted away and made room for something else, something Neil couldn’t quite pin down but that felt a lot lighter on his shoulders. Andrew finished his cigarette and flicked it off the roof, and so did Neil. 

  
“Staring,” Andrew said eventually, much later than Neil would’ve thought he would.

 

“It’s my turn,” Neil replied and finally Andrew looked at him. Neil just looked back, waiting for permission to make his move in their little game. There were still a lot of questions on his mind, the most obvious one being about Andrew’s behaviour, but Neil  _ knew  _ Andrew was off his medication. He just didn’t know why. He’d figure it out though.

 

“Go on,” Andrew urged, allowing Neil to play their game with him. Neil licked his lips, hesitating to ask. It was stupid he was hesitating - this was the question that was burning on his mind the most.

 

“Are you straight?”

 

Andrew blinked, looking genuinely dumbfounded. Apparently he hadn’t expected this question. He just stared at Neil blankly for a while, maybe waiting for Neil to tell him it was a joke or to change his mind and ask something else, but Neil just smiled at him calmly, patiently.

He wouldn’t change his mind. He asked the question, now it was Andrew’s turn to answer it. With a heavy sigh Andrew rubbed one hand through his face when he realised Neil was being serious and shook his head in defeat, mumbling something to himself before looking back at Neil and grunting: “I fucking hate you, Hatford-”

 

“That’s not an answer to my question, Andrew.”

 

“-but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t blow you.”

 

Oh.

 

Oh, well, that went straight to his cock.

Neil couldn’t help but imagine Andrew with his head between his thighs and felt his cheeks heat up immediately. Shit. Since when did just the idea of a guy sucking him off turn Neil on? It threw him off so badly, for a few seconds Neil didn’t manage more than a couple incoherent stutters that seemed to satisfy Andrew to no end, going by the way he pulled the corner of his mouth into a small but sly half-grin.

“Well--” Neil finally managed, though he still sounded a lot more flustered than he liked to admit, “Why don’t you then?”

 

“Because you’re annoying,” Andrew replied easily and started to get up, “Now leave me alone.”

Neil watched as Andrew walked away, opened the door with a few jerks to the handle like before and vanished inside the hallway.

 

Shit. Fuck. What the fuck just happened? Where did his usual ease in these situations fuck off to all of a sudden? Why was Andrew able to throw him off like this with just a single sentence? Neil wasn’t the type to lose his head just because a guy told him he’d suck his dick, he was the type to keep his cool and not get riled up until he actually had his head between Neil’s thighs. He was supposed to be flirty and suave, not stutter like a fucking idiot. Shit.

Neil buried a hand in his curls and his face in the other, groaning. This had been nothing but embarrassing. His cheeks were still burning and his head kept being absolutely unhelpful by supplying him with more images of Andrew with Neil’s legs wrapped around his neck. 

“Shut up,” he mumbled to himself and pulled on his curls until it hurt. What it might feel like if Andrew would pull on-- “Stop. Nope. No. Just stop. Not helping.” Neil let go of his hair and rubbed both palms across his face with a long, suffering sigh. 

 

***

 

“Kay, we have a problem.” Neil threw the door to the dorm open with so much force it banged into the wall and made Katelyn startle hard enough, she almost dropped the remote.

“Shit, Neil,” she gasped, looking at him with wide eyes and watching as he threw the door shut and walked over to the sofa, “What happened?!”

Neil walked around the couch and fell into the seat next to Katelyn. Hopefully his cheeks were a normal colour again.

“I’m fantasising about Andrew and it’s turning me on.”

 

Katelyn was quiet. She just stared at Neil, her face going from sheer panic to confusion. Neil looked back with absolute seriousness.

“.....what?” She asked after a while and one of her eyebrows wandered almost all the way up to her hairline.

“You heard me. Andrew is turning me on and this is a problem.”

 

“......excuse me? How is this news?”

 

“What do you  _ mean _ ‘how is this news’?” Neil threw up his hands and ruffled his hair. What was is that was so hard to understand about this? 

“You’ve been trying to fuck Andrew for months now, Neil, how is it news he’s turning you on? Like, I literally don’t get it.” Katelyn furrowed her brows and shook her head. 

 

“No. Kay. Listen. This never happens. I fuck guys and girls, and it’s all fine, but I get turned on by  _ thinking _ about fucking Andrew.”

 

“....yeah? Wait, are you telling me this usually doesn’t turn you on?” 

Okay now she was acting dumb on purpose. Of course  _ thinking _ about fucking someone didn’t turn him on. Like, yeah, sex was good and all, but how would thinking about it turn him on? He needed lips and hands and teeth to get him into the mood, obviously.

“Of course it doesn’t,” Neil said with slight annoyance, “Come on, Kay, stop acting like this, this is an emergency.”

 

“Neil… Neil, sweety,” Katelyn turned the TV off, put the remote down and turned to Neil so one of her legs was folded on the sofa. Suddenly she looked very serious and concerned, her brows in a deep frown and her hands up half-way, “Okay, let me get this straight. Thinking about fucking an attractive person doesn’t usually turn you on?”

 

“No.”

 

“You do realise this isn’t normal, right?”

 

“What?”

 

“Neil… People get turned on by thinking about sex. People get turned on by looking at people they never met but they find attractive and thinking about having sex with them. I  _ need  _ you to understand that.”

Suddenly Neil turned very quiet. Was she being serious? Did people really get turned on by just… thinking about sex? 

“But… Are you fucking with me? You’re not being serious.”

 

“I’m being dead serious, sweetheart.”

 

Neil stared at her quietly, wondering how he could’ve missed this all these years. Sure, people always talked about wanting to fuck other people. And, like, he got it, somehow. There were people he thought he wanted to fuck upon seeing them, but he never really…  _ felt  _ anything? Not until they were actually making out or touching or something, at least. He just thought people were exaggerating when they said they were desperate to fuck someone. Maybe they weren’t.

Katelyn stared at him in wonder. Then, slowly, a grin started to spread on her lips.

“I don’t know what it means that you don’t get turned on by thinking naughty thoughts, but I  _ do _ know what it means that you get turned on by thinking naughty thoughts about Andrew,” she said. Neil furrowed his brows and looked at her questioningly.

 

“What?”

 

Katelyn’s grin widened even more, until Neil worried her face might split from it.

 

“You have a crush, babe. A bad one,” she said in a sing-song voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was brought to you by an acespec who was VERY confused upon learning people aren't just exaggerating when speaking about their horniness.


	15. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil has to deal with his own problems concerning this whole Situation™ with Andrew, and then he has to deal with Kevin's problems as well, when all he wants to do is go clubbing for Halloween.

“I don’t have a crush!” Neil’s voice jumped up about three octaves as he yelled at Katelyn, who didn’t look convinced in the slightest, “I don’t  _ do _ crushes!”

  
"Yeah, well, apparently you don't do being horny either and yet here we are,” she deadpanned. The absolute  _ nerve  _ of it. Him? Having a crush? That was the most absurd thing he ever heard. In his entire 18 years of life Neil  _ never  _ had a crush on anyone. Well, maybe as a child, but ever since he hit puberty no one ever caught his attention long enough for that. Neil did it the way Stuart did it, and that meant not letting emotions get into the mix. And that had worked out just fine for him, thank you very much. 

He didn’t have a  _ crush  _ on Andrew. Pah.

 

***

 

“Yeah, no, you definitely have a crush on the boy.” Stuart looked at him through the screen of Neil’s phone with a completely blank stare and shoved another bit of mince pie into his mouth. Where did he even  _ get  _ these? It was barely the end of October. 

“I do  _ not _ !” Neil replied, exasperated. Why was everyone trying to tell him that?! He didn’t facetime Stuart for him to tell him the same thing as Katelyn.

“I called you for you to tell me it’s nonsense because I’ve never had a crush on anyone and how this whole thing about Andrew getting under my skin will go away in a bit, Pops,” he said with heartfelt outrage.

“Neil, listen,” Stuart rolled his eyes and sat up a little straighter. Neil recognised the wall behind Stuart; he was in his home office, sitting at his desk, in front of his laptop, in the too big but terribly comfortable desk chair, but he was very clearly wearing his pajamas instead of his usual suit. “It’s not the end of the world. What’s the problem if you like the boy? Maybe he likes you back.”

 

“Stuart, I don’t like Andrew and Andrew doesn’t like me, which part of this do you not understand?”

 

“Right. Of course. You know, maybe I should’ve left the whole relationship-part of parenting to Billie, then you wouldn’t freak out like this about a normal thing like a crush.”

 

“First of all, leave Billie out of this. Second of all, I’m  _ fine  _ with the way you raised me, Stuart. It works out fine and if I wanna take over your business one day I don’t have time for this stuff anyway.”

Stuart mumbled something, too quiet for the laptop’s microphone to pick it up, and rubbed the bridge of his nose with two fingers. They had the taking-over-the-business-conversation about a million times already and every time it went the same: Neil was positive he’d be Stuart’s successor one day and Stuart was not happy with that idea at all. One time he told Neil he’d only let him take over if he shot him in the head himself.

“Right. Taking over the business. Let’s see about that when I’m dead, yeah?”

 

“Sure,” Neil said, not wanting to have the same conversation again right now, “Anyway, you lived your life just fine like this, and I want that too. I don’t need any of this crush nonsense, I have more important things in my life to deal with.” This time Stuart sighed. But it didn’t sound annoyed or exasperated.

“Neil, I know you’ve seen me live like this but there’s a very important part you don’t seem to get about my lifestyle.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“It’s not a  _ choice  _ of mine. It’s the way I am and always was. You on the other hand? You had a new love-of-your-life every two days for your entire time at kindergarten. On your first day of reception class you wouldn’t stop gushing about the boy who gave you his Maltesers during recess. I held you when you had your heart broken for the first time at 14 and you wouldn’t stop crying for three entire days. You’re not like me, Neil. And that’s  _ okay _ .”

Neil frowned. Yeah, he remembered that time when he was 14. And something in the back of his mind rang when Stuart mentioned the Maltesers-boy too. And he didn’t like it. He realised that maybe he hadn’t lived his life like Stuart, like he thought he did. Because after he got his heart broken by David at age 14, there had been Pia half a year later. And then Jenny at 15. And maybe he  _ did _ have kind of a thing for Thomas too… Shit. No. No, he didn’t. All of these people, they had just been convenient for sex and they hadn’t been entirely annoying, so Neil kept them around for a while until he got bored of them eventually.

  
“Whatever,” he grunted and turned his gaze away. Stuart chuckled quietly.

 

They ended the call shortly after because Stuart had to get ready for the day and Neil needed to go to bed. He’d just have to sleep it off. Maybe he was just exhausted from practice. That must’ve been the reason, surely. He was exhausted and his body and mind were going crazy because of it.

When he grabbed his phone just before going to bed he found that Stuart sent him two links, one leading to an article about aromanticism, one about something called demisexuality, saying ‘I looked it up and found these. That first one is pretty accurate for my view on romantic relationships. Maybe you can relate to the second one?’ 

With a sigh Neil read through the articles, because he knew Stuart was just trying to be helpful, but he didn’t respond. He just needed to sleep this off. Then everything would go back to normal.

 

***

 

Neil woke up with a jerk, face halfway pressed into his pillow but wide awake a second after opening his eyes. 

 

What the fuck.

 

He uncurled one of his hands from his pillow and pushed it beneath the covers, fingers digging between his body and the mattress. This whole spiel about crushes from yesterday, or specifically his alleged crush on Andrew, followed him all the way to sleep and now he woke up with images of Andrew - naked, on top of him, sweating and grunting - still fresh on his mind. And with a boner. For the first time in what must have been at least a year. Fuck’s sake.

Neil groaned quietly into the pillow and peeked over the edge of his bed to the other end of the room. Katelyn was still sleeping soundly. He didn’t know if he was happy about that or not. On one hand it meant he hadn’t embarrassed himself (yet), on the other hand it meant he had to sneak out of the bedroom with a  _ very _ achy morning wood. Fantastic. Bloody splendid.

It was her fault anyway! Her’s and Stuart’s. For insisting on Neil having a crush so vehemently, his mind couldn’t even let go of this during the night. 

Neil hissed quietly when the tips of his fingers brushed his hard cock. He needed to do something about this. This was beyond a problem that would solve itself.

As quietly as he possibly could Neil climbed out of bed, sneaked out of the bedroom and waddled towards the bathroom door. And if his shower took a little longer than usual and Katelyn had to wait to take her morning piss, then he didn’t feel sorry at all.

 

***

 

“Hey, Kay, any plans for Halloween?” Neil asked a couple days later. It was only a week until Halloween and he just realised he didn’t have anything planned yet. He didn’t even have a costume.

“Yeah, but it’s a girls-only party at a club a couple miles outside Palmetto, sorry, hun,” she said with an apologetic grin, “I promised Melissa and the others to go last year already.” Neil huffed quietly. Well, it would’ve been too easy, wouldn’t it?

“Why don’t you ask Andrew?”

 

Yeah, why didn’t he ask Andrew?

 

***

 

“Why.” Andrew stared at him blankly, holding onto the door with one hand and its frame with the other as if Neil would just barge in if he didn’t physically stand between him and the room.

 

“Why what?” Neil asked.

 

“Why do you wanna know.”

 

“Because I don’t have any plans and thought maybe you’re going to Columbia again,” Neil said, shrugging. Wasn’t that obvious?

“And what if we do?”

Now he was being difficult on purpose. Neil sighed and rolled his eyes. Alright. Deep breath.

“Well, I thought maybe I could join you.”

As if that was his cue, Nicky poked his head out over Andrew’s shoulder and grinned at Neil.

“You wanna come to Columbia with us? Really? Even after...you know.”

 

“Yeah. It’s still better than sitting at the dorms and doing math homework on Halloween.” 

 

“No!” Aaron called from inside, “I don’t want him with us again.”

Andrew, with a bored expression, turned his gaze over his shoulder into the room, back at Neil, then shrugged.

“Okay, you can come.”

 

“ _ Andrew _ !”

 

“We’re going in costume, though,” Nicky added cheerfully, “You better pick something good!”

Neil threw Andrew an amused grin that he barely acknowledged before looking at Nicky and nodding.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll find something. No worries.”

 

***

 

“Wonder Woman? Really?” Aaron scoffed, eyeing Neil from head to toe.

 

“Yeah, other than you and your fragile, straight ego, I don’t have a problem with strong women,” Neil spat back and pushed a hand into his hips. Aaron sputtered, looked upset and glared at Neil.

 

“I don’t-- Did you even read the comics?!”   
  
“No,” Neil said and rolled his eyes, “But I’ve seen the movie and it was great, so shut up.”

 

“I love it,” Nicky said, trying to defuse the situation, so Neil and Aaron wouldn’t be at each others’ throats before they were even on their way to Columbia.

“Thanks, Nicky,” Neil replied, “Where are Kevin and Andrew anyway?” 

He was supposed to meet the Monsters on the parking lot, by Andrew’s car, but only Aaron and Nicky were on time. There was no sign of the other two.

“Andrew is waiting for Kevin to stop pissing himself,” Aaron huffed.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Kevin is- uh..well, shy, I guess?” Nicky explained, except this just made more questions pop up in Neil’s head. Kevin? Shy? Were they still talking about the same Kevin? What was he even shy about? “I think it’s his first time dressing up. Last year he didn’t wear a costume, but this year Andrew threatened to leave him in Palmetto if he didn’t dress up like the rest of us. Isn’t that sad? He’s almost 20 and probably never played dress-up in his life.”

Yeah, that really was sad actually, but it made sense. Tetsuji was probably not someone to let the Ravens have fun and dress up for Halloween. And even if he did, they would just ridicule those who dressed up. So, Neil got it. Kevin was probably pretty uncomfortable. He’d be patient.

 

***

 

Alright. He’d be patient to an extent.

They had been waiting for thirty minutes now. It was time for Kevin to fucking suck it up and come out or stay at the dorm.

“I’ll go up and see what the fuck they’re doing,” he grunted, annoyed, and stomped into Foxtower. This was ridiculous. If Kevin took any longer the night would be over before they even made it to Columbia. A lot of students in costume walked past him all on their way to parties - which Neil would be too, if it wasn’t for Kevin. 

Without knocking Neil walked into the Monster’s dorm and thought it empty for a second, until he spotted Andrew on the couch, feet pulled up, phone in hand, looking entirely relaxed. He looked up and raised an eyebrow when he saw Neil.

“Wonder Woman?” He asked.

  
“Where’s Kevin?” Neil replied with a huff. Andrew nodded towards the closed bedroom door. “Aren’t you gonna do something about him?”

 

“Am I his mother?” Andrew asked, bored, and returned his attention to the screen of his phone.

 

“We’ve been waiting for thirty minutes!”   
  
“That sounds like a you-problem.”

 

Fine. Then Neil would deal with this.

With mumbled curses on his lips Neil made his way to the bedroom door and attempted to open it, only to realise it was locked. Oh for crying out loud, Kevin.   
“Kevin! Come out!” He yelled through the wood and hammered his fist against it, “We’ve been waiting for thirty minutes!”

 

“No,” was the only reply from inside. 

 

“Oh, come on. What’s your problem?”

 

No answer.

 

“Kevin!”

 

No answer.

 

“Jesus fucking-- Kevin Day! You open that door now or I’ll kick it in!”

Andrew snorted quietly at that and Neil threw him an angry stare before turning back.

“You have three seconds, Kevin!”

He waited five and yet, nothing happened. It was completely silent from inside the bedroom. 

  
Fine then.

 

Neil took a step back, pulled his foot back and with as much force as he could muster slammed it into the door. The wood shook and Andrew dropped his phone.

“What the fuck, Hatford,” he barked, “We need that door.”

  
“I warned him,” Neil huffed and kicked the door again, and this time it actually gave a concerning crack. 

“Stop it!” Kevin yelled from inside. Even Andrew jumped off the sofa at this point. “Fucking hell, I’ll open the door, alright?!” Neil crossed his arms in front of his chest and grinned satisfied. When he looked at Andrew, Andrew didn’t seem half as happy and more like he was about to murder Neil, but he decided to ignore him. He got what he wanted, everything else was unimportant.

The lock clicked and Neil pushed the door open before Kevin even had the chance to change his mind. In the process he almost hit Kevin in the face with it, but Kevin managed to jump out of the way just in time. He cursed and glared at Neil, but Neil just threw the door shut behind himself again and threw Kevin an annoyed look.

“Right. What’s the bloody problem?”

 

Suddenly Kevin snapped his mouth shut, averted his eyes and crossed his arms tightly in front of his chest. All in all, he looked very un-Kevin-like. And very uncomfortable. It made Neil feel bad for him again, but he was too annoyed still to let it take over. 

“There’s no problem,” he mumbled.

“Oh, so we’ve been waiting on the parking lot for 30 minutes because we’ve had so much fun doing it?”

Kevin didn’t say anything, he just stared at the wall. Neil let him for a while until he sighed.   
“Kevin.”

 

“There’s no problem, Neil.”

 

“Nicky said you’re uncomfortable in your costume.”

 

“Nicky should mind his own business.”

 

“Listen. We’re all in costume. Even  _ Andrew  _ is dressed up. It’s Halloween.”

 

Kevin shuffled on his feet, but stayed quiet. Neil mustered him.

“Come on, what’s so bad about your costume? It’s one of those toga-thingies, right?” It was so fitting. Everyone knew Kevin loved history, a costume like this was exactly what Neil would’ve imagined for him. It let him be a history nerd and show off his body like the jock he was at the same time. Not that Neil was complaining.

 

“Yeah,” Kevin mumbled and shuffled again, “I just-... It’s the first time I dress up and it feels really stupid.”

Really, he hadn’t expected Kevin to admit it, but Neil was glad he did. At least their conversation would go somewhere like this.

“If you’re really this uncomfortable you can just come in regular clothes, you know,” he said, shrugging, “I’m gonna talk to Andrew. He’s not just gonna leave you here just because you don’t want to dress up.”

  
“Isn’t he, though?” Kevin seemed annoyed now, “I wouldn’t bet on that.”

 

“Andrew just spent the last thirty minutes in the living room, waiting for you. Do you really think he’d just leave you here after that?” For some reason Kevin looked genuinely surprised. Did he not know that Andrew had been waiting for him?

Those two were so fucking weird.

“Right. I’ll go talk to Andrew while you get changed-”

 

“But I don’t wanna change.”

 

“Oh,” Neil was already half-turned to the door, stopped and turned back to Kevin, “Well, then, don’t. But then you’re gonna have to come outside now. You can’t just stay here for the rest of the night.” Kevin shuffled again. Alright. Neil looked around the room and spotted a plastic bay wreath lying on Kevin’s bed. He picked it up and stepped in front of Kevin.

“C’mon, Caesar. It’s gonna be fun. You don’t want to miss out on what Andrew tries to get secrets out of me this time, do you?”

For a few seconds Kevin just looked at Neil and Neil almost thought he’d say no again, but then Kevin huffed a quiet laugh and uncrossed his arms. 

“He’s not going to do anything,” he mumbled.

“Let’s see,” Neil grinned and stretched his arms to put the wreath on Kevin’s head.

 

Or at least he tried. Except his arms were too short. Or Kevin too tall. Or both.

“Can you...can you come down here?” Neil grunted, already on his tiptoes and still not able to reach the top of Kevin’s head. For fuck’s sake. Why was this guy so bloody tall? This was embarrassing. Kevin seemed to find it incredibly funny though and couldn’t hold back a short yet proper laugh this time as he bent down a few inches so Neil could reach. He placed the wreath on Kevin’s head and pushed his shoulder right after.   
“Stop laughing,” he grumbled.

 

Andrew was back on the sofa and just looked at them blankly when Neil and Kevin emerged from the bedroom.

“Let’s go,” Neil said. Andrew eyed them both and Neil grinned at him, which Andrew didn’t even acknowledge. He did acknowledge, though, when Neil went past the sofa and without stopping whispered: “Stop staring at our legs, your gay is showing.” 

“Am not,” Andrew said, glaring at Neil.

“Sure,” Neil chuckled, “Keep telling yourself that.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Andrew grunted. 


	16. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They make it to Eden's for the Halloween party after all, but somehow nothing really goes the way Neil planned.

It took them longer than last time to get to Columbia, because they had to stop five times thanks to Andrew’s stomach acting up. He threw up three out of those five times and Neil was close to making them turn back around, but he knew that Andrew would just tell him to fuck off, so he stayed quiet.    
Going to Sweety’s seemed to be a regular thing, since Nicky brought them there without even asking and Andrew did the same spiel of stuffing cracker wrappers into the waitress’ apron and paying for their ice cream and the drugs she brought, hidden between napkins. When they finally arrived at Eden’s it was late and the club was packed with people. They didn’t find a place to sit this time, but they did find a table covered in empty glasses and bottles that was big enough for them all to stand around it. Andrew collected and stacked the glasses quickly and gathered them up, but even stacked on top of each other it were too many for him to carry in one go.

“I’ll help you,” Neil offered and grabbed the ones that were left, “I want to have a word with the bartender anyway.” Andrew just threw him a quick look, then turned and went ahead, pushing past people and parting the masses so Neil could follow behind him easily. And, as Neil hoped, barely ten seconds after they arrived at the bar and placed the empty glasses and bottles on top, the same bartender as last time materialised in front of them, grinning brightly at Andrew.

“Hey there! Happy Halloween,” he said. He was dressed up as what could only be described as a slutty vampire. Booty shorts and fangs and all. 

“Drinks,” Andrew grunted in his usual, charming, undrugged manner and waved his hand in the vague direction of the bottles behind Roland. Neil propped his elbow onto the bar and braced his cheek on his palm.

“Without drugs for me this time, please,” he added, “There’s no need to put them in my drink. I’ll take them myself just fine.”

Roland’s eyes jumped to Neil and he seemed genuinely surprised to see him here.

“Oh,” he said, looked at Andrew and then at Neil again, “You’re back!”

“Roland. Drinks,” Andrew reminded him.

“Sure,” Roland said and started to grin again. He threw another quick glance at Andrew, his grin grew a little bit - while Andrew glared at him - and he turned to go and prepare their drinks. 

They didn’t talk while they waited for Roland to finish their drinks, so Neil let his eyes wander. The club really was filled to the brim, with most people in costume. Apparently there was a discount on drinks if you came in costume or something, at least Nicky said something about that earlier. The loud music with its hard beat, vibrating through the air and the floor until it shook Neil’s bones, had him gently rocking his hips with it. He just couldn’t help it, when there was music playing Neil had to move with it in some way. Either he was tapping his foot or rocking his hips or nodding along - either way, he couldn’t stay still. And he definitely needed to dance later. But first he’d have some drinks with the others. Maybe he’d take something that’d help him last longer through the night - he had a little gift from Stuart that would do the trick just fine. And then he’d spend the night on the dancefloor, maybe drag Nicky along. 

In the corner of his eye Neil noticed Andrew taking a step away from the bar and realised Roland had finished their drinks.

“Oi, don’t just leave!” Neil cursed, but Andrew either didn’t hear him over the music or just decided to ignore him - no matter which one it was, he didn’t stop and Neil had to hurry after him.

 

Two shots and half a glass of Whiskey later Andrew threw the little packs of Crackerdust on the table. Each of them grabbed one - except Neil. Andrew threw him a glance, then pushed one of the packs right in front of him.

“I’m good,” Neil said. Nicky, Kevin and Aaron were already busy emptying the packs into their mouths. Only Andrew’s eyes were still on Neil, watching as he rummaged through the little bag on his belt where he kept his keys, his wallet and-- ah, there it was.

“I’ve got my own,” he grinned at Andrew and raised a tiny transparent plastic bag that looked almost like the ones the others had. Andrew frowned, looking suspicious.

“What’s that,” he asked flatly.

“A gift from uncle Stuart. He always says he can’t make me not take drugs, so he’d rather get me the clean stuff than have me take some diluted shite-”

“No.  _ What  _ is that?”

“Oh,” he tilted his head as he looked at Andrew. Somehow he looked strangely tense. Neil dropped his eyes to the little bag between his fingers and gave it a little shake. “Cocaine.”

 

Suddenly rough fingers curled around his wrist and jerked it down. Neil almost dropped the coke and gave a small, irritated sound. 

“Ouch,” he hissed, “What on earth-”

“No.” Andrew grunted. His eyes were hard when Neil looked up at his face, his mouth an unimpressed, thin line. 

 

“What do you mean ‘no’?!” 

  
“Crackerdust or nothing at all,” Andrew said. Was he fucking serious?    
  
“I don’t think you get to decide whether I want to put certain drugs in my body or not after what happened last time,” Neil hissed back at him and tried to pull his wrist from Andrew’s grip, but it was unyielding. It hurt, his wrist was twisted and in an uncomfortable position like this, but Andrew held his hand down like his life depended on it.

“Take it somewhere else.”

 

“ _ Excuse me _ ? Do you want me to snort it off the bloody loo lid like a junkie or what?” Neil asked, clearly offended at the idea. He wasn’t one of those people who were desperate enough to take drugs in a dirty club bathroom, he just took it to have some fun and stay awake for a few hours longer. What the fuck was Andrew’s problem anyway? What did it matter whether Neil took Crackerdust or cocaine? Sure, Crackerdust was a lighter drug than cocaine, but what was the big deal? Andrew didn’t exactly seem like the type to be concerned about Neil’s health.

“I don’t care. You won’t take it here,” Andrew said.

“You go somewhere else to take this,” he gave Neil’s wrist a little shake, sending a sharp pain through his arm. Neil winced, and Andrew lightened his grip a tiny bit. “Or you put it away and take the Crackerdust like the rest of us. That’s the choice you have.”

 

“Andrew? Neil? Everything alright?” Nicky asked from across the table, but neither of them gave him an answer. They were too busy staring each other down.

 

“ _ Fine _ ,” Neil eventually hissed between gritted teeth, annoyed at himself for giving in to Andrew’s ridiculous demand. What an asshole. 

He pulled on his wrist and Andrew let go, finally. With Andrew’s eyes burning holes into his head Neil stuffed the cocaine back into his bag, feeling like a child being chided for something it didn’t do. He pulled the zipper with too much force and counted to fifteen in his head to soothe the temper bubbling up in his chest and throat. It wouldn’t help if he blew up on Andrew now. 

When he looked back up Andrew had his fingers on the bag of Crackerdust again, pushing it further towards Neil with intent. But Neil just glared at him.

“I don’t want it,” he said sharply and reached for his drink, “Just pour it in here when I’m not looking, that seems to be your usual approach.”

Unimpressed and annoyed Andrew huffed, curled his fingers around the drug and took it away, opening the pack and emptying its contents into his own mouth. He washed it down with the rest of his Whiskey and placed the empty glass on the tray in the middle of the table.

 

Neil resorted to sipping on his drink and throwing Andrew occasional angry stares, which he chose to ignore in return. However, the more he drank the more his mood lightened up and three drinks in Neil was back to being ready to party. 

“Nicky,” he said, waving his hand to get his attention, “Do you want to dance?”

“Hell yes!” Nicky grinned enthusiastically. He chugged the rest of his drink, which was easily half a glass of some fruity Cocktail, and pushed away from the table, “Let’s go!”

Just as Neil wanted to leave, a hand curled around his arm and held him back. Neil turned his head and was met with Andrew’s blank stare.

“What?” Neil pulled on his arm, “Can’t I even go dance now?”

“Keep that stuff where it is,” Andrew hissed.

“Jeez, yes, alright, don’t get your knickers in a twist.” Neil rolled his eyes. “Message received loud and clear the first time already.” Andrew didn’t look too convinced, but he released Neil’s arm and let him go, so Neil didn’t really care.

 

He lost track of time on the dancefloor. He just knew they spent a lot of time there, and when they made their way back Neil was desperate for a drink. Hopefully the others had gotten some more while they were gone.

 

They had, the tray was filled with new drinks as it sat in the middle of the table, but somehow they still managed to look like the most miserable bunch in this entire club. Andrew was busy nursing his whiskey in silence. Kevin chugged two shots in succession. Aaron looked like he was having the worst time of his life, which, honestly, might be the case considering he had been left alone with the two most moody people on the planet.

“God, look at them,” Neil said, pulling on Nicky’s arm, “When you see them you could think they were forced to come here.” Nicky chuckled and shrugged.

 

“Usually Aaron goes dancing too,” he said.

 

“Well, guess he didn’t want to go with me.”

 

“Maybe,” Nicky grinned apologetically.

 

“Let’s go and see what we can do about those miserable faces,” Neil said and took off.

 

“Wait, what do you mean?!” Nicky called after him, but Neil didn’t answer that.

  
“Hello, we’re back,” he announced the obvious and, instead of returning to stand to Andrew’s left, he squeezed between him and Kevin, pushing them to either side with his shoulders and hips. Kevin grunted, Andrew threw him a glare, but neither of them resisted.

“Hey. Hey, Kevin,” Neil reached for a new drink and took a few big gulps, his eyes on Kevin. Kevin looked down at Neil with something between annoyance and suspicion.

“What.”

 

“I saw a guy on the dancefloor who you might like.”

 

“What?”

 

“I mean, I don’t know what your type is, but he was definitely taller than you and--” Suddenly Kevin made a very offended sound and turned bright red.

“What-- What?!” 

 

“What ‘what’?”

 

“What the  _ fuck _ are you talking about, Neil?!”

  
“Uh. I very clearly said I was talking about a guy I saw on the dancefloor.”

 

“Yes, but  _ why  _ are you telling me that?”   
Neil blinked at Kevin, wondering if he was stupid or just pretending to be. It wasn’t that hard to understand, was it? 

“Because getting you laid might make you a bit more bearable. You’re a proper pain in the arse, and not the good kind.”   
  
“I’m not  _ gay _ , Neil,” Kevin sputtered. Neil blinked at him again. Then he turned his head and looked at Andrew, who was watching the scene go down with amusement in his eyes. When he noticed Neil’s confused stare, he looked back at him and gave him a little shrug.

Kevin wasn’t serious. Right? Dear God, Neil sure hoped Kevin wasn’t serious. 

 

“I’m not the only one who noticed he’s-” Neil whispered to Andrew, loud enough for him to hear.

 

“No,” Andrew cut him off, “But  _ he’s  _ not there yet.”

 

“Oh, Lord,” Neil mumbled and returned his stare to Kevin. His list of things to work on in the US grew longer and longer with each day. But getting Kevin laid, preferably by a guy, definitely jumped far up. Maybe that really would help with his attitude.

Honestly, there had been moments in the past where he was almost certain Andrew and Kevin were fucking. Like, genuinely. Especially now that he knew for sure that Andrew wasn’t straight. At least that would’ve explained their weird relationship and the fact that they were always glued to each other, but, no, apparently Kevin wasn’t even aware that he wasn’t straight yet. Jesus.

“Well,  _ anyway _ ,” Neil said with a long sigh, “I’m sure there’s some pretty girls round here as well.”

 

“I’m perfectly capable of finding someone myself if I wanted to Neil, I don’t need your help for that.” Kevin snapped. Everyone at the table blurted out a surprised laugh of varying degrees in response. 

“No offense, Kevin, but I’ve never seen you with anyone since I met you,” Nicky said and got a withering glare from Kevin in return. 

“I bet if you found a girl you like you’d scare her away by talking about nothing but Exy,” Aaron mocked.

“Fuck all of you,” Kevin hissed and downed the rest of his drink, set the glass back on the table with a bit too much force and stepped away.

“Oh, Kevin, come on, don’t be upset,” Neil called after him, but Kevin just flipped him off and walked towards the dancefloor. Well, that didn’t go as planned. 

Andrew watched Kevin leave, but leaned against the table, relaxed, and returned his attention to his drink when he vanished into the masses of people. So now it was just the four of them left, with Nicky chatting away at 1000 miles per hour and Aaron and Andrew looking progressively more annoyed with him. Aaron was the first to give in. With an annoyed groan but no words he stepped away from the table and went the same way Kevin took before. Nicky looked after him, then grinned at Andrew and Neil.

“So, and then--”   
“Nicky, shut up or I’ll murder you,” Andrew interrupted him, his voice beyond bored. For a second Nicky seemed offended, then he rolled his eyes.

“You guys are boring,” he complained, “I’ll go find Roland. At least he’s fun to talk to.” Neil wasn’t sure if Nicky aimed for them to be hurt by his words, but if he did, he missed his goal by a long shot. If anything relief flashed across Andrew’s face when Nicky walked away. And Neil always appreciated some time alone with Andrew - well, as ‘alone’ as it got at a nightclub.

He turned his body towards Andrew, elbow on the table, cheek rested on his knuckles. Andrew chose to ignore him, but Neil was content with watching him for a while.

“Staring, Hatford,” Andrew grunted eventually. 

 

“What’s it with the no-other-drugs-but-Crackerdust-rule?” Neil asked bluntly. Andrew glanced at him for a second.

 

“It’s not your turn.”

 

“ _ Oh _ ,” Neil said, surprised, “So it’s a question for that. Alright.” He didn’t think it’d be this deep, but apparently there was more behind Andrew’s aversion towards any other drug but Crackerdust. One more thing he needed to find out, then. Really, Andrew just kept getting more and more interesting and Neil was more than intrigued.

Andrew didn’t say anything else, he just curled his fingers around his drink and took a sip. Neil watched his movements, how his fingers wrapped around the glass, the way his biceps popped out just that little bit when he bent his arm - and thanked the Lords that Andrew chose a sleeveless outfit for the night. The black armbands were a strange choice though, they didn’t really fit the costume. And they disrupted his view on Andrew’s arms.

He was distracted from his thoughts when he noticed Andrew looking at him.

 

“Problem?” Andrew asked.

“No,” Neil replied and took a step closer to him. Andrew let him, but kept his eyes on him, cautious, alert. With his fingers an inch from Andrew’s arm he remembered. 

His eyes snapped up to Andrew’s, watching his expression, while his fingers slowly sank again until Neil wrapped his hand around his own wrist behind his back to keep himself from touching. Andrew noticed, Neil knew he did, because his eyes followed Neil’s hand down until it was out of view, then he looked back up at him. His posture relaxed a bit too, Neil realised, pleased. It was still a long way until he’d figure Andrew out completely, but he made undeniable progress. This was one thing Neil knew by heart now: Andrew hated to be touched. And even though he didn’t know the reason for this dislike, he knew how it ended if he touched without permission: Andrew would recoil, would push him away or bring distance between them otherwise, or he’d try to hurt Neil in return. That was the opposite of what Neil wanted to achieve.

 

With only mere inches between their bodies, and Neil’s hands secured behind his back, Neil leaned in a bit until he felt Andrew’s breath on his cheek. Andrew stayed exactly where he was and let Neil come closer, eyes fixed on his face.

“About that ‘that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t blow you’-thing…” Neil hummed. Goosebumps went down his spine at the memory of that moment. He couldn’t help his eyes dropping to Andrew’s lips, saw them twitching into a knowing almost-grin, and imagined the things they could do to him. 

Neil bit his bottom lip as his breath hitched, images of possibilities making his heart beat faster, and he forced his eyes back up to meet Andrew’s. 

“What about it?” Andrew replied in a low voice. It sent another shudder through Neil’s body. This was new. This voice, this tone, the roughness and secrecy to it, Neil never heard it before and it made it almost impossible to keep his breathing on a normal level. One that wouldn’t embarrass him again. Neil didn’t know what it was about Andrew that had such an intense effect on him - and he pushed Katelyn’s and Stuart’s voices from his thoughts, as they crept into his head and told him about this crush-nonsense again.

“How about I stay in  _ your  _ room tonight instead of Nicky’s, and you prove that you meant it?” Neil suggested, his voice low too, finally managing to keep up some of his suave flirtiness around Andrew. It was frustrating how, around Andrew, it just fucked off to God-knows-where sometimes, leaving him looking like an idiot.

Andrew considered him quietly, his eyes dropping to Neil’s lips for a second before snapping back up to his eyes. He threw a quick glance to either side, checking if one of their group would see, then, slowly, he leaned in. Neil’s breath stopped, then kicked back in with a tiny but sharp huff, watching as Andrew tilted his head a bit so he could reach better, their noses almost brushing. Neil parted his lips, his eyes already closed half-way, fixed on Andrew’s lips, so close, his breath ghosting across Neil’s mouth, Neil’s fingertips digging into his own wrist, forcing himself not to touch-

 

“I don’t have to prove anything to you,” Andrew murmured against Neil’s lips, then pulled back. Neil stumbled a step forwards, confused and thrown off, still processing what just happened.

“What-” Neil stammered.

  
“If you go anywhere near my bedroom I’ll break your neck,” Andrew said casually.

 

What.

 

A.

 

Fucking.

 

_ Bellend. _

 

Neil frowned at Andrew angrily. This had been the rudest thing anyone’s ever done to him. Including that one time an ex tried to shoot him pointblank. At least Gregory possessed the decency to put the gun straight to Neil’s head, and didn’t trick him like this.

Andrew didn’t spare him any attention, which bothered Neil even more, and just collected the empty glasses, stacking them on the tray.

“I’ll go get drinks,” he announced flatly, “Try to get that ridiculous expression off your face until I come back, you look like a sulking child.”

“Hrmpf,” Neil crossed his arms in front of his chest and turned his head. In the corner of his eye he saw Andrew leaving, and was soon left by himself. Not for long, though, because Nicky returned a couple minutes later.

“Hey, Neil,” he greeted, “What’s that face for? Did Andrew do something?”

Neil just made an annoyed sound in response and Nicky grinned knowingly. Except he didn’t know what happened at all, but Neil wasn’t about to correct him. 

“Andrew sent me back,” Nicky explained, “I figured he just wanted Roland’s attention for the drinks, but maybe he sent me to cheer you up!”

“Sure,” Neil snorted, “That sounds likely.”

“...yeah, okay, maybe not,” Nicky agreed with a small laugh.

Kevin returned eventually, so did Aaron. Only Andrew was lost somewhere. But the club was still very busy, despite the late hour, so Neil figured Roland took some time to refill their glasses. They did order quite a lot at once.

 

“Andrew! There you are, I was about to send Neil to look for you,” Nicky shouted after what must have been at least half an hour, probably even longer. Something was off about Andrew when Neil watched him put the tray down, but he couldn’t quite pin it down. Was it his hair? Something was different about his hair. But Neil wasn’t really sure, so he didn’t mention it. Besides, he was still annoyed with Andrew.

“Last round,” Andrew said and took two glasses off the tray.

“Already?” Nicky asked, surprised, “They’re closing?”

“No. But we’re leaving after this,” Andrew replied and drank half of the first drink in one big gulp.

 

They really did leave once the tray was empty. They made it out of the club, which was a feat considering the masses they had to squeeze through, and Neil took a deep breath of the chilly night air when the heavy metal doors fell shut behind them. Then he realised that this was probably the most sober he had ever left a club, especially at 4am. Sure, he had had a couple drinks, but no drugs, no hard alcohol and for the past hour or so he switched to soda. It sounded boring to him, but he had to admit that actually he had had quite a lot of fun despite it.

 

“Here.” Neil turned his head and found keys dangling in front of his face.   
  
“Huh?” Confused, he looked at Andrew.

 

“You’re the most sober,” Andrew said, “You drive.”

 

“Oh,” Neil looked back at the keys, then took them from Andrew’s fingers, “Alright.”

 

“Wait, you’ll let Neil drive your car?” Nicky asked curiously from behind them.

 

“Problem with that?” Andrew grunted and threw Nicky an annoyed look.

 

“No,” Nicky said quickly, “Just surprised.”

 

Andrew almost took the keys from him again when Neil walked to the wrong side of the car at first. 

“English bastard,” Andrew grunted and Neil rolled his eyes at him.

 

“At least we have manners,” he retorted.

  
“And where are yours? Did you leave them in England?”

 

“Shut up, Andrew.”

Andrew sat in the passenger seat, the other three shared the backseat. They had some difficulties arranging all of their limbs with Nicky and Kevin in the back, but once they managed Neil started the car and took them to the cousins’ house with Andrew giving him directions.

 

***

 

When Neil climbed into bed with Nicky a while later, the lights already turned off, lying with their backs to each other, Neil heard the sheets rustle as Nicky turned around to face Neil and whisper: “Neil, are you asleep?”

 

“No,” Neil mumbled.

 

“Uhm. Okay. Uh, listen.” Nicky’s uncharacteristic stammering caught Neil’s attention more than his actual words, and Neil turned as well so they were lying face to face and he could see Nicky’s unsure expression.

“What’s wrong?”

 

“I have a favour to ask of you,” Nicky mumbled, avoiding Neil’s eyes.

 

“What favour?” Neil replied, curiously.

 

“You seem to get along with Andrew, and he seems to listen to you-” Neil snorted. “-Well, at least more than he listens to any of  _ us _ . Anyway. There’s a thing I thought you could ask him for me…”


	17. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew has a request that Neil wouldn't have expected but because Neil is Neil, he starts off by fucking up and getting Andrew angry. When he goes to look for Andrew, to set things straight, he's shocked by what he finds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had SO much fun writing this chapter (as you can probably tell by how it ended up SUPER long whoops), and I hope you guys enjoy it too!!

Things were pretty boring at PSU during the weeks following Halloween. Neil had barely any free time between classes, practice and homework, neither did any of his friends. At least they had holidays coming up soon.

He was absorbed in a math problem when a knock on the door startled him so much, he almost dropped his pen. Wondering if he missed practice he looked at his watch, then realised there was no practice today. It was sunday after all. Katelyn was on a Starbucks run for them though, so maybe it was her. It wouldn’t be the first time she went overboard with the cookies and cakes and had no hands free to open the door herself.

 

“Oh!” Well, Neil had suspected the wrong blonde to be knocking on his door. “Hey Andrew.” It was a surprise to see Andrew standing in front of his door, to say the least. Actually it was a surprise he was coming to see Neil on his own accord at all. 

“Is the Cheerleader here?” Andrew grunted and tried to catch a glimpse of the dorm over Neil’s shoulder.   
“Yeah, he’s standing in front of you,” Neil replied, raising an eyebrow.

  
“The other one.”

  
“You mean Katelyn? She has a name, you know.”

 

“Yeah, that one.”

 

“No, she’s not here. Why? Do you want to talk to her? Put an end to this ridiculous feud you two have going on?” Andrew glared at Neil and for a second he thought he would leave, but after a short twitch of his leg he stayed in place. Whatever it was that he wanted from Neil, it must be important enough for Andrew to ignore Neil’s teasing. Well, he was definitely intrigued.

“No,” he huffed. Silence. As if he was supposed to know what Andrew wanted through the sheer power of telekinesis or something, Andrew just stared Neil down with a grim intensity. After a minute Neil decided he didn’t have time for this.

“Listen, Andrew, I’m in the middle of my math homework and I’d appreciate it if you-”

 

“The winter banquet is in three weeks,” Andrew said suddenly, cutting Neil off and sending him  into a stunned silence.

“Uh, yes, I am aware,” Neil said after a few seconds, confused. Of course he knew. However, this time it seemed like Neil would be staying home. Neither Allison nor Nicky had asked him to go yet, so he suspected they both had dates already. Neil had to admit he was a little offended Nicky hadn’t stuck to his promise to ask him to be his date for the next banquet, but, oh well. There’d be more banquets that Nicky could take him to. 

Andrew shuffled on his feet, the frown between his brows furrowing. 

“Renee is going with Allison. Apparently they’re dating now.”

“Wait,  _ what _ ?” Well, fuck,  _ that  _ was a new piece of information, “When did  _ that  _ happen?!” But it explained why Allison hadn’t asked Neil to be her date. He had suspected her and Seth were in one of their on-phases, on time for the banquet this time, but now that he thought about it, he had barely seen Allison and Seth together outside of practice and games ever since the fall banquet. Neil wondered how Seth was taking it. 

“Don’t ask me, ask them,” Andrew grunted. He crossed his arms in front of his chest - meanwhile Neil was still not done processing this turn of events. 

“I didn’t even know Renee was a lesbian,” he mumbled to himself, “I’m an idiot, the rainbow hair should’ve given her away. But wait, is she even a lesbian? Ah, doesn’t matter, I can’t believe I didn’t pick up on her liking girls, I-”

 

“ _ Hatford _ ,” Andrew snapped with an annoyed voice, interrupting Neil’s quiet mumbling.

“Oh, sorry, yeah, I’m just-- surprised, is all,” Neil waved his hands around apologetically and Andrew rolled his eyes at him. Then he was quiet again. 

Very slowly, Neil let his head tilt to one side, looking at Andrew. Surely he didn’t just come here to let Neil know that Allison and Renee were a thing now. Andrew wasn’t really the type for gossip. However, somehow he got the feeling that Andrew was expecting  _ him  _ to say something. Unfortunately Neil wasn’t a mind reader though and therefore had absolutely no clue what exactly it was Andrew wanted him to say. He’d have to give him something to work with here. 

Apparently Andrew got frustrated with Neil not picking up on his cue, if the exasperated sigh leaving his lungs was anything to go by.

“I used to take Renee to the banquets,” Andrew said in a voice that sounded like he thought Neil was being obtuse on purpose. 

“Yeah,” Neil said, blinking at Andrew.

Andrew stared back at him. He crossed his arms a little firmer.

  
  


It took Neil way too long to  _ finally  _ realise what was going on.

“Oh.  _ Oh, _ ” he breathed when it finally clicked. His eyes turned wide and he stared at Andrew with slightly parted lips. “Is this what I think it is? Are you-- Do you want to take  _ me  _ to the banquet?!” 

Neil decided not to acknowledge the way his heart skipped a beat (or two, or maybe three) and how the room suddenly felt a couple degrees hotter than before. This had nothing to do with Andrew asking him to be his date for the banquet.

 

_ Andrew was asking him to be his date for the banquet. _ Jesus fucking Christ. 

 

Andrew’s shoulders tensed and he shuffled on his feet again, visibly uncomfortable, but he was too stubborn to admit it. Instead he just made a small, annoyed sound and glared at Neil, as if he was being utterly insolent.

“So?” Andrew asked after a few seconds.

 

“So, what?” Neil replied. Andrew furrowed his brows. 

 

“Yes or no?” He added, already sounding a little irritated. But Neil wouldn’t be Neil if he would make it this easy on Andrew. 

“You didn’t ask me anything,” Neil said in the sweetest voice and with the most shit eating grin on his lips, “Let me hear you say it, Andrew.”

But instead of rolling his eyes or sighing, Andrew threw a genuinely angry glare at Neil.  It startled Neil, since he expected a different response. He had no time to think about it though, because just a moment later Andrew unwrapped his arms, his hands curled into fists, and took a step back from the door.

"Forget it," he hissed, turned and stalked down the hallway. Neil stuttered a few stunned, incoherent words and took two steps out the door.

"Andrew, wait!" He called after him. Andrew didn't wait. Two people got off the elevator just as Andrew approached it, and they didn’t realise fast enough that the small, angry person coming towards them was the infamous Foxes’ goalkeeper, so Andrew pushed past them, shoving them both out of his way and making them stumble and curse. He didn’t look at them, or Neil, as he pressed the button inside the elevator and let the doors close behind him.

 

Neil stood in the middle of the hallway, staring at the closed metal doors stupidly. And slowly but surely the suspicion that he fucked up crept up on him.

Shit.

Andrew came here to ask him to be his date for the winter banquet, which was just about the  _ perfect  _ opportunity for Neil to get closer to him, and he went ahead and teased Andrew until he snapped and walked away. Fantastic job, Neil. 

"I'm a bloody idiot," Neil sighed to himself and ran a hand through his curls.

Oh, well.

Andrew would surely come back once he calmed down.

  
  


Andrew did not come back.

Ten minutes after Andrew left there had been another knock on the door and Neil almost fell over his own feet in an attempt to get it as fast as possible. But to his disappointment, this time it had really been Katelyn with way too much coffee and pastries for two people.

They shared what she bought and Neil didn’t tell her about his fuck up. He knew exactly what she’d tell him. Instead he didn’t give up on the hope that Andrew would come back, but an hour later he was still hunched over his homework, no Andrew in sight. Neil sighed and dropped his pen. When he got up from his chair Katelyn looked up from her own homework, watching as he made his way to the door.

“Where are you going?” She asked.

 

“I have to go talk to Andrew,” Neil said and heard Katelyn chuckle.

 

“Oh, okay, I won’t be waiting up then,” she teased. Neil stuck his tongue out and left.

 

He didn’t bother taking the elevator. He went for the stairs and right past the floor where the Foxes’ dorms were until he reached the door leading to the rooftop. He was positive he’d find Andrew here. His hand was already hovering over the handle, but then he hesitated. What was he even supposed to say? Should he apologise? At the thought Neil pulled a grimace. Ugh. Apologies were tedious. Andrew wouldn’t want to hear it anyway. Probably. But what exactly would he say then? He’d just tell him that yes, he wanted to go to the banquet with him right away, that would be the easiest and fastest way. Neil just hoped Andrew still wanted to take him…

A few rattles to the handle and the door sprung open, revealing the empty rooftop.

 

Wait.

 

Empty?

 

Yep, a few glances to each side confirmed that Andrew wasn’t here. Huh. Neil would’ve sworn he’d go up here. 

However, a minute later a knock to the Monsters’ dorm resulted in complete silence as well. Neil frowned at the door. If Andrew wasn’t on the rooftop  _ or  _ in the dorm he could be anywhere. There was no way for Neil to find him. He’d just have to try again later.

Just as he turned and made the first step to return to his homework though, Neil heard a sound from inside the dorm and stopped. Maybe Andrew was there after all and just ignored the knock? It did sound like something Andrew would do. Neil gave the door handle an experimental wiggle and the door swung open easily, inviting him inside. But it looked empty. He didn’t see anyone in the living room, no one was on the sofa, the TV was turned off and from where he stood, he could see the bedroom door was slightly ajar and the lights turned off. Maybe he had imagined things. But then again, it would be weird for the Monsters to leave their door unlocked when they were out.

 

Another sound. Neil perked up, listening intently. It sounded like...a groan? Immediately his eyes snapped back to the bedroom door and Neil felt something cold and nasty settle in the pit of his stomach that he couldn’t explain. Was that… Did Andrew have someone over? And why did that make him feel so weird? Another groan - it was definitely Andrew’s voice, quiet and muffled, cursing under his breath, and Neil reached for the handle to pull the door close quickly, his heart beating hard against his chest. Until his brain got involved, telling him this did  _ not  _ sound like someone fucking.

This sounded like someone in pain.

“Andrew?” Neil stepped into the room, turning his head from side to side, looking for Andrew, but unable to find him anywhere. He did, however, get a response.

“Fuck off,” Andrew’s muffled voice spat from another room. Neil turned his head to where his voice was coming from.

“Are you okay?” Neil asked as he walked towards the kitchen door, but got no answer. 

“I’m coming in, everyone in there better look decent when I open this door,” he warned for good measure, then pushed the kitchen door open. Weirdly enough Andrew was nowhere to be seen here either, even though Neil had been so sure this was where Andrew’s voice had been coming from. He frowned, confused - until Neil’s gaze sank, and with it his heart.

 

“Andrew!” He breathed, alarmed, and felt his heart leap into his throat, “Bloody hell, Andrew, what happened?!” Andrew was on the floor, two chairs scattered around him, his legs tangled in one of them. Neil almost fell over his own feet in an attempt to make his way over to him as fast as he could and dropped to his knees right next to him. He untangled Andrew's legs from the chair, pushed it away and barely remembered not to touch him. Everything inside him screamed at Neil to check Andrew for injuries; to brush his fingers through his hair to make sure he didn't hurt his head, check his legs and see if he broke something, to help him up and get him off the floor - but instead he curled his hands into fists, his fingernails digging into his own palms and pushed away a few inches, still on his knees.

Andrew tried to get up by himself, but it was an absolute tragedy to watch. Each time he tried to push his body off the floor his arms would give out under him, sending him back to the ground and forcing a little grunt from him. Neil bit his bottom lip until he couldn't take it anymore.

"Andrew-" He tried.

"I'm just a little dizzy," Andrew snapped, but his voice was strained and exhausted.

“ _ ‘Just a little dizzy’ _ ?! Are you kidding me?” Neil asked and shook his head in disbelief.

“Jesus Christ. Alright, I’m going to help you, come on, let’s get you up,” He could not believe the nerve on this boy. Telling him he was  _ just a little dizzy _ when he couldn’t even get himself off the floor. 

Neil was careful when he touched Andrew, his hands slow as they inched towards his body, leaving him time to protest. When he didn’t, Neil gently wrapped his fingers around Andrew’s wrist, lifted his arm so it was wrapped around Neil’s neck, then held onto it with one hand while he wrapped the other arm around Andrew’s back.

“Okay, okay, come on,” he huffed, then strained his legs to pull both his own and Andrew's bodyweight up. God, he was heavy. Neil groaned quietly. Andrew was barely any help with this and even when he managed to get him back up on his feet, he had to keep his arms tightly wrapped around Andrew’s body because of how unstable his legs were. Even now that Andrew was holding onto the table for support.

Neil glanced at Andrew and found his skin pale, paler than it usually was, his eyes glazed and his chest heaving with the effort it cost him to get up, even with Neil’s help. It was like a stab to Neil’s chest. Something must be awfully wrong to put him in this state.

“How long have you been lying here?” Neil asked quietly. He couldn’t keep the worry out of his voice, the thought of Andrew lying on the floor, by himself, unable to get up and probably in pain was nothing short of horrible. In response Andrew barely managed to shoot Neil what was probably supposed to be an angry stare but looked like just a slightly annoyed glance thanks to how weak it was, before he suddenly doubled over. Neil, alarmed by the sudden movement, curled his fingers and arm tighter around Andrew’s body to keep him up but still struggled to keep his balance. Meanwhile Andrew gagged breathlessly. Alright then. Time to get him to the bathroom. 

It wasn’t an easy feat. Andrew managed to walk, at least that, but they had to stop every couple of steps because Andrew was doubling over from stomach cramps or dry heaving. Neil felt his arms and back protest against the weight they were carrying, but they had to make it to the bathroom at least. He really didn’t want to risk Andrew throwing up on the floor. Besides, he couldn’t really worry about the pain in his back when Andrew was feeling so miserable he didn’t even cuss Neil out for helping him. Or for touching him.

  
“Can you get the door?” Neil asked when they made it this far. Andrew raised his arm with a grunt and Neil could see the effort it cost him in the way his brows furrowed and his jaw tensed. Christ. What on earth happened in the last hour? Andrew gave the door a little push and it creaked open slowly.

“Alright, good job,” he mumbled.

“Shut up,” Andrew hissed in return.

“Almost there. Let’s get you to the loo,” Neil replied unbothered and dragged Andrew the last few feet to the toilet, where they both went down to their knees and Neil could finally uncurl his aching arms from Andrew’s body. With a heavy sigh Neil leaned against the wall right next to the toilet and rolled his head from shoulder to shoulder, soothing some of the pain and tension in his neck. 

“Christ. You’re heavy, you know that?” He muttered and stretched his legs out in front of him.

“Shut up,” Andrew mumbled into the toilet bowl, his arms wrapped around the porcelain.

“I mean as a cheerleader I’m used to lifting people, but you’re definitely something else,” Neil kept talking despite Andrew’s urge for him to shut up. But maybe it would distract Andrew a little. Besides, it made himself feel better too, if he could focus on the sound of his own voice and the words he said rather than worrying about Andrew.

“I said shut up-” Andrew was interrupted by a few dry gags. Neil couldn't quite hide the disgust and pulled a face at the sounds, his own stomach clenching in sympathy. A moment later, Andrew emptied his stomach into the bowl. Well, at least it didn’t go on the floor. Neil wasn’t very keen on cleaning up Andrew’s vomit. 

He skidded closer again until he was beside Andrew, enough space between their hips so Andrew would feel his presence but they weren’t touching. 

“I’m going to touch your back, okay?” Neil asked, his voice soft, his hand already hovering a few inches from Andrew’s body, waiting for permission. Andrew threw up again, his entire body shaking with the effort, knuckles white from how hard he was grabbing the toilet. Then he gave a short, exhausted nod. 

Carefully, Neil placed his hand between Andrew’s shoulder blades and left it there for a few seconds to give him the opportunity to change his mind. When he didn’t, Neil brushed it all the way down his spine and back up again. Andrew shuddered under the touch, his breath hitching ever so slightly, and Neil did it again, finding a slow rhythm.

They stayed like this for what felt like hours. Neil didn’t know how long it really was. He just kept rubbing Andrew’s back ever so gently while Andrew threw up another three times, until he had nothing left inside his stomach to throw up anymore and he was left trembling and plagued with stomach cramps that had him gagging inefficiently. In this moment Neil wanted nothing more than to be able to do something,  _ anything  _ to help Andrew. Whatever it was that sent him into this miserable state, it didn’t matter. Neil just wanted it to stop. But all he could do was stay with Andrew and try to ease his pain a little, so he leaned into his hand a bit and changed his pattern to small circles that he rubbed into the space between Andrew’s shoulder blades. The muscles beneath Neil’s palm felt tense, Andrew’s shirt damp with cold sweat and sticking to his skin.

“Here, let me-…” He said softly and pushed up onto his knees, keeping his hand on Andrew’s back and stretching his other arm until he could reach the button to flush. Slowly his hand wandered up until it rested in Andrew’s neck and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

“I’m going to flush, you’ll want to get your head out of there,” he warned. Andrew lifted his head a few seconds later and Neil pressed the button. Luckily the flush drowned out the little gasp Neil couldn’t hold back when he looked at Andrew.  _ God _ , he was even paler than before, his eyes reddened and wet from struggling through endless heaving and his entire body slumped in on itself in exhaustion. This was the most vulnerable Neil had ever seen him. It was probably the most vulnerable  _ anyone  _ had ever seen him. Neil felt his chest tighten, swallowed around a lump in his throat and had to stop himself from brushing the hair sticking to Andrew’s forehead out of his face.

If Andrew let Neil see him like this, it either meant he trusted him or he was too weak to resist. Neil assumed it was the latter. 

 

“Are you going to be okay for a minute? I’ll go and grab you some water.” It wasn’t just the water that had Neil jumping to his feet the second Andrew grunted in response. He watched him drop his forehead to the toilet seat and close his eyes, then Neil turned and stumbled out of the bathroom once he was sure Andrew would be relatively fine by himself.

This was too much. Neil stood in the middle of the kitchen, staring at his hands. They were trembling. Why? Why was he standing in the Monsters’ kitchen with trembling hands, heart pounding in his chest, beating too fast and his breath shaking? Why was seeing Andrew like this taking such a toll on him? He shouldn’t care. He shouldn’t  _ fucking _ care this much!

A loud crash echoed through the empty kitchen when Neil kicked one of the chairs on the floor. Unable to cope with what he felt, his temper overcame him, sparking a twisted anger inside his chest that left him panting, fingers wrapped tightly into his curls and the balls of his hands pressing into his eyes. 

“Fuck,” he groaned quietly. A dull pain pulsed in his foot but Neil ignored it in favour of counting to fifteen in his head. After three attempts he made it all the way to the end. He felt his breath calm with each number and lowered his hands at fifteen. He didn’t have time for a tantrum.

After one last, deep breath Neil pushed his confusion to the back of his head so he could focus on the problem at hand: namely, Andrew sitting on the bathroom floor. He collected the chairs from the floor and put them into their places by the table, then went on his search for a glass and a bottle of water.

The problem about these dorms was that they all looked the same - the same rooms, the same kitchens, the same carpets - but everyone furnished them differently. So when he opened one of the cupboards, expecting to find glasses where him and Katelyn kept them, instead he found an insane amount of cereals. Great. Probably not the best idea right now. The next cupboard was filled with a weird mix of canned food, protein powders from varying brands and in varying flavours and more alcohol than could be considered healthy. Even for a group of college boys. 

He opened another two cupboards before he  _ finally  _ found what he was looking for, grabbed a glass, a bottle of water and went back to the bathroom. Andrew was still exactly where he left him, but he hadn’t thrown up anymore either. So at least that was a good thing.

Neil filled the glass with water from the tab and handed it to Andrew.

“Here. Wash your mouth out first,” he said. Andrew didn’t thank him, but he took the offered glass and did as he was told. Next was a glass filled with water to drink.

“Slowly,” he warned sternly as he handed the glass back to Andrew, “You’re going to throw up again if you drink it too fast.”

“I’m not an idiot,” Andrew grunted and still gulped down the water way too quickly. Neil rolled his eyes. Andrew didn’t throw up though, so he refilled it for him. 

They sat in silence while Andrew drank, slower this time, and only when he emptied it and handed it back to Neil for another refill did he speak up again.

“Feeling better?” He asked softly. Andrew hummed in response, took the glass from Neil’s hand and had another sip.

“Good,” Neil said and stopped for a second, watching Andrew drink. Then he frowned at him so suddenly and so angrily, he saw the little flinch that went through Andrew, no matter how hard he tried to act like it didn’t happen. “Then tell me what the  _ fuck  _ is going on. You’ve been weird for days now, you act like you’re off your meds but you say you’re not, now I find you lying on the kitchen floor - this isn’t normal, Andrew.” Neil’s voice had turned from careful to straight up angry and annoyed. In return, Andrew threw a glance at him over the edge of the cup, his eyes careful and measuring. He drank, then slowly placed the glass on the tiles in front of him, eyes pointedly directed at the water instead of Neil’s face. It was obvious that he knew he wouldn’t be able to lie to Neil anymore, not after what had happened, but he didn’t seem too happy to be forced to tell the truth. Neil waited him out.

“I’m not off my meds.” Andrew’s voice was rough, his throat probably raw from throwing up. Neil almost protested, not buying this for one second, but Andrew cut him off before he even got the chance to open his mouth. “I’m not. I’m on  _ different  _ meds.”

“Oh,” Neil breathed, his lips stuck in a little o-shape even after his voice died and silence settled over them again. “Why?” An annoyed sigh went through the room and Andrew raised his eyes to glare at Neil. However, he didn’t look like he’d shut down, or like he’d tell Neil to wait his turn in their truth-game.

“Why do you think?” Andrew grunted. Neil shrugged.

“I don’t know, I’m not a psychiatrist,” he replied.

“The meds I was on were the wrong kind and the wrong dosage,” Andrew explained, “I’m sure you and everyone else enjoyed seeing my charming smile, but even you should realise that my medication wasn’t supposed to cause a constant mania - or for me to be high as shit at all times” It made sense, but at the same time it confused Neil even more. 

“But you’ve been on them since…” Neil thought about it, tried to remember if he read or heard anything about it, his eyes wandering to the ceiling as his brain was trying to come up with an answer. 

“Since I went to juvie,” Andrew said, pulling Neil’s attention back on him, “Court order.”

“Right,” Neil hummed. But that would mean Andrew had been on the wrong meds for almost two years now. “Why did you get new meds now then? And not, like, a year ago?”

Andrew shuffled and pushed himself up on his knees. Worried that he might fall again, Neil didn’t even think about complaining that Andrew hadn’t answered yet, he just scrambled to his knees as well and reached for Andrew - and they both froze. Neil’s fingers were still inches from Andrew’s body, hovering in the air, waiting whether they’d have to support Andrew or not. Andrew was still and stared at them, then, slowly, dragged his gaze to Neil’s face.

“Just making sure you’re not going to fall and hurt yourself,” Neil said carefully, his eyes locked with Andrew’s. Another few, tense seconds passed where neither of them spoke or moved. Then Andrew pushed himself up further and managed to get up on his feet, though still unsteady, and Neil let out a little, relieved sigh. 

“Bee has been trying to get me on new meds since I started seeing her,” Andrew said once he managed to make his legs work properly. More or less.

“But?” Neil asked, surprised Andrew gave him an answer after all, and stood as well. 

“Judge said no. Took her a year to even make them trust her judgement, instead of that shrink who put me on these meds in the first place.”

 

“So they made you take the wrong drugs for almost two years?”

 

“Congratulations. You understood it. Took you long enough.”

 

Disbelief made itself evident on Neil’s face through the way his mouth hung open but no words left it and his feet wouldn’t move even when Andrew started to make his wobbly way to the bathroom door. Neil couldn’t even begin to imagine how terrible it must’ve been for Andrew to be on this medication for almost two years,  _ knowing  _ it was not the right choice for him and having to live with the consequences, without an end in sight. Not able to be himself because his entire personality was twisted and turned by the drugs in his blood, always trapped in this bubble of an involuntary high. No wonder he refused to take them when they went to Columbia.

“But--” Neil stumbled over his feet as he tried to go after Andrew. Andrew didn’t stop, but his feet were heavy and slow, dragging across the floor as Andrew walked, so he caught up quickly. “What does that have to do with the state you’re in?”   
  
“Side effects,” Andrew grunted and fell into one of the beanbags, “That’s the withdrawal phase from the old drug. It’s gonna go away soon.”

 

“So that’s why you’ve been acting so weird lately,” Neil mumbled to himself. He stopped next to Andrew and watched as he looked around himself, then curled his fingers around the remote once he found it and turned the TV on. He was probably hoping Neil would leave him alone if he ignored him. 

“Oh, dear…” Neil mumbled, shaking his head gently, “You’re a moron, Andrew. You shouldn’t be by yourself if you’re this sick.”

“I’ll survive,” Andrew replied flatly.

“Excuse me for doubting that,” Neil said and rolled his eyes. When he turned he felt Andrew’s eyes on him, but he didn’t leave. Instead, he went back to the bathroom and went through their cupboards until he found a bucket, which he brought back to Andrew. All he got in response was Andrew staring at him warily.    
“I don’t want you throwing up on the floor,” Neil huffed and dropped the bucket next to Andrew’s feet, “Just in case.” There was no way he’d leave Andrew by himself now. Not after what happened. The shock from finding Andrew on the floor still sat deep in his bones, sending a shiver through Neil’s body whenever he thought about it.

  
“There.” Ten minutes later, Neil came back to the living room, two cups of tea in his hands and a bag of mini pretzels tucked under his arm. Andrew looked at him with a raised eyebrow, but took one of the mugs when Neil all but pushed it in his face.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Neil sat down in the other beanbag, completely aware of Andrew’s unimpressed stare on him, wiggling until he found a somewhat comfortable position to sit in.

“I told you you shouldn’t be alone in this state, because  _ someone  _ has to keep an eye on you before you bash your head open on a table and bleed out slowly, just because you think you don’t need help,” Neil replied, his voice not allowing any objections, “So we’re going to watch some Netflix. You better pick something good.” 

He threw the bag of pretzels at Andrew, who grunted and glared at Neil. For a few seconds they just stared each other down - until Andrew gave in way too quickly, turning his attention to the TV screen and leaning back. With a satisfied smile that he hid behind his mug as he took a sip of his tea, Neil watched Andrew skip through the range of movies and shows until he settled on Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

They sat in comfortable silence, Neil chuckling at some of the jokes and Andrew huffing out what was probably the closest to an honest laugh Neil would ever get to hear from him. It felt almost domestic. Which wasn’t a thought Neil wanted to have, so he tried to push it all the way into the back of his mind, where he locked away Katelyn and Stuart’s suggestions that he liked Andrew as well. Nonsense. All of it. Utter nonsense.

Neil was so caught up in his mind that he jumped and spilled some - still pretty hot - tea on himself when Andrew spoke to him.

“What are you doing here anyway?”

“Oh,” Neil said, vigorously rubbing the tea into his jeans in an attempt to cool it down, “I wanted to come and tell you I’ll go to the banquet with you.” Andrew hesitated, so Neil looked at him once he was done saving his leg from being burned. 

“If you still want me to, that is,” he added. Still no response, just Andrew’s eyes on him, thoughtful, measuring. Eventually he pushed his hand into the bag of pretzels and stuffed some into his mouth, dragging his lazy stare back to the screen as he chewed on them. 

Neil knew a rejection when he saw one. But, honestly, there was no one to blame but himself, he should’ve just said yes from the beginning.

 

“Fine,” Andrew said.

 

“Wait, really?” Neil blinked at him, surprised.

 

“Yeah. There’s no one else I could ask anyway,” Andrew shrugged.

 

“Charming,” Neil said, but didn’t sound half as offended as he wanted to, thanks to the small laugh he couldn’t quite hold back. Well, seemed like he’d go to the banquet after all. And as Andrew’s date even. 

“Oh, by the way,” Neil perked up and managed to catch Andrew’s attention enough for him to turn his head and look at him with one eyebrow raised.

“What?”

 

“What are your plans for Thanksgiving?”

 

Andrew frowned at the question, confused, and didn’t reply for a while.

“We go to Abby’s,” he said, “Why?”

 

“Well, Nicky said his parents asked him to come over for dinner.” 

The reaction this simple sentence triggered was more than Neil had expected. Andrew sat up a little straighter, his fingers curling tighter around the pretzel bag and making the plastic crinkle loudly. 

“So?” Andrew asked with a disinterested facade that Neil didn’t buy for one second. But the attempt to hide that Andrew was anything but untouched surely woke Neil’s interest.

“Apparently they said they want you to come too. But he thinks you’re going to say no.”

  
“If you already know my answer why are you even bringing this up?”

 

“Because it’s important to Nicky,” Neil replied, “Important enough for him to ask  _ me  _ to ask you to come. He seems to think it’s more likely you’re going to say yes to me than him.”

 

“Nicky is an idiot. I’m not going. Neither should he,” Andrew said. Suddenly his voice was so cold, it sent a shiver down Neil’s spine and put a frown on his face.

“Why not though? They’re his parents.” Okay. Maybe Neil wasn’t exactly the right person to bring up the ‘they’re his parents’-argument, but this invitation seemed really important to Nicky. Usually he wouldn’t get involved in personal business like this, but when Nicky told him, back in Columbia, that he hadn’t seen his parents in years he broke down in tears, begging Neil to make Andrew say yes so he could mend his relationship with them. Neil wouldn’t try to force Andrew, but he didn’t want to let Nicky down either.

“Did Nicky forget to mention how his parents are religious fanatics who forced him into conversion therapy? And how that was the reason he ran away all the way to Germany?” Andrew’s voice was too emotionless when he said this. Neil froze, stared at Andrew, his heart stopping for a second or two. Nicky did, in fact, not mention this. 

But it wasn’t Neil’s job to judge whether Nicky’s wish to reconnect with his parents was sensible or not. He just promised him to try and convince Andrew.

“He didn’t mention that. But he still really wants to go,” Neil said slowly.

 

“Then let him go. I’ll have turkey at Abby’s house.”

 

“They said they’ll only let him come if he brings you too.”

 

“Did they,” Andrew’s voice got flatter with each word he spoke. He stared Neil down with hard eyes and a blank expression, as if he was trying to find a lie. 

“Yes. Nicky said, if you’re not coming he can’t go either. They specifically said they wanted you there. Something about getting the whole family together and refreshing some old bonds.”

“Interesting.” Andrew shuffled in his seat and pushed a few pretzels into his mouth. Neil was pretty sure the discussion ended here. He could see that Andrew was still thinking about it, but Neil was confident that he’d just say no if he kept pushing - so Neil let him think. Every second that passed made the air become thicker, tension hanging between them.

 

“Fine,” Andrew said eventually, and Neil felt his shoulders relax. Honestly, he hadn’t even thought Andrew would say yes, he didn’t know how Nicky got the idea that Andrew would listen to him. But, somehow, he managed to convince him. “On one condition.”

Oh. Well. So much for Neil’s victory.

“What’s that?” He asked, preparing himself for the worst. 

 

“You’re coming with us.”

 

Wait.

What.

Did he hear that right? He must’ve misheard. Andrew did  _ not _ just ask him to come to Thanksgiving dinner with his family. What the fuck. What was he even supposed to  _ do  _ there?

“I- what? Are you serious?” Neil asked.

 

“Yes.”

 

“I can’t. I’ve got a flight to London booked for that week-”

 

“Well, then you better think about a way to tell Nicky he’s not gonna see his parents for Thanksgiving,” Andrew said, relaxing into the beanbag. This smug fucking bastard… 

Neil ground his teeth and counted to fifteen in his head. How did this turn into  _ Andrew  _ blackmailing  _ him  _ to go to the Hemmick’s Thanksgiving dinner? This wasn’t how this was supposed to work.

“Why would I go there? They don’t even know me,” he tried, “I don’t think they want a stranger at their family dinner.”

 

“You say ‘family dinner’ as if  _ I _ consider these people family, Hatford.”

 

“Andrew, you’re being unreasonable, they don’t even know-”

 

“That’s the deal. We’re both going, or neither of us is.”

 

“Why do you want  _ me _ to go there with you?” Neil didn’t get it, he really didn’t. It just didn’t make any sense. Suddenly though a smile spread on Andrew’s lips, sharp and cruel, the first one since he switched meds, and Neil hated it because he knew this one was genuine. 

“Because I know you’d hate every second of it,” Andrew drawled.

 

Great. Fantastic.

Neil took a deep breath, pressed his mouth into a thin line. If he wanted Andrew to go he’d have to agree to his condition, but that also meant cancelling his visit to Stuart. He wasn’t very keen on that, but he was even less keen on looking into Nicky’s face when he told him Andrew said no.

Neil sighed. 

 

Well, he never celebrated Thanksgiving before. 

 

“Alright,” he said and enjoyed the split second where Andrew’s face faltered in surprise, “I’ll tell Nicky to ask his parents whether I can come too. If they say yes, I’ll cancel my plans with Stuart. And you’ll come with us.”

Maybe it would be bearable after all. Holiday celebrations with Stuart had always been fun, but before that Neil had had to live through Christmasses at the Wesninski house. How bad could Nicky’s family possibly be?


	18. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short flashback on different holidays Neil celebrated with his family throughout his childhood and teenage years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically the calm before the storm y'all :')  
> A short flashback chapter of different celebrations from Neil's past, feat. Stuart and Billie aka Neil's New Parents

“Happy birthday, dear Ne-heeeil…..Happy birthday to youuuuu!”

 

Neil eyed the monstrosity Stuart called a cake, six candles burning on top of it and the wax slowly dripping onto the chocolate coating because his uncle didn’t think to buy the ones that were actually meant for birthday cakes. Those that had little plastic pieces underneath to catch the melting wax. The cake was uneven and lopsided and Neil could only assume it was meant to look like a 6. It was nothing like the cakes Mummy used to order.

“Where did you buy this?” Neil asked, his missing front teeth giving him the tiniest lisp, pointing at the cake while his gaze wandered to his uncle. Stuart’s shoulders sank and he frowned at Neil, looking somewhat offended.

“What do you mean? I made it!” He huffed.

Neil looked back at the cake and tilted his head a little. 

“All by yourself?” He asked.

“Yes. Just blow out the candles, you ungrateful bug,” Stuart replied. His voice was somewhere between genuinely offended and amused, meanwhile Billie was quietly but gleefully chuckling on Neil’s other side, ruffling his hair.

Neil did blow the candles out and watched another blob of wax slosh onto the chocolate. But somehow the cake suddenly didn’t seem too bad anymore, knowing Stuart took time out of his day to make it for him while Neil was at school - it felt good and conjured a smile on his lips.

 

It was his second birthday as Neil Abram Hatford, but his first didn’t count. He had still been sad last year, crying most of the day because his Mummy wasn’t there, Stuart and Billie’s arms the only places to console him. This year, however, Neil had been excited and giddy all week, making sure all his friends at school wouldn’t forget about his birthday. No one forgot, even the teacher remembered and had the entire class sing a song for Neil in the morning. Jamie’s Mum had made little cupcakes for him and Jamie. David drew a picture of them playing together that he gave him during recess. Everyone had been nice to him all day, because it was his birthday. Neil wished it was his birthday more often. 

“Now, let’s see if we can find a piece without wax on it for you, Neil,” Billie said, throwing a cheeky grin at Stuart who, in return, gave her a sour frown. 

The cake was good, despite its looks, and Neil hummed quietly when he pushed the first forkful into his mouth.   
“Is it good?” Stuart asked, a faint smile on his lips as he watched Neil eat his cake. Neil nodded enthusiastically.

“Yes, it is,” he said once he swallowed the bite down, “Thank you, uncle Stuart.”

“You’re welcome, little bean,” Stuart hummed, combed his fingers into Neil’s hair and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

 

***

 

Neil stared at the massive bonfire burning in front of him. It was burning hot and bright enough to hurt his eyes, but he couldn’t avert them. It had something hypnotising.

 

“Why do we burn fires for Guy Fucks?” Neil finally managed to rip his gaze from the fire and turned it on Stuart instead. He flinched when Stuart, next to him, choked on his drink and spat some of it out, coughing violently. 

“Uncle Stuart? Are you okay?” Neil asked worriedly and hit his lower back in an attempt to help him. Just like Stuart always did when Neil ate or drank too quickly and got some stuck in his throat. Except he couldn’t reach high enough to slap his uncle’s spine.

  
“Ex-excuse me?!” Stuart coughed, looking at Neil with wide eyes, “What did you just say?”   
  
“Why do we make bonfires for Guy Fucks?” Neil repeated and curled his finger into the back of Stuart’s coat. It wasn’t really conscious, sometimes Neil just didn’t feel very comfortable in crowds, and holding onto Stuart - his hand, his clothes or even just his bag - made him feel a little better at least. And this park was quite crowded.

 

“Guy  _ Fawkes _ , Neil.  _ Fawkes _ . Christ,” Stuart said, emphasizing each syllable of the name. Neil heard a young couple chuckle and saw them looking at him when he turned his head. He wondered what they were laughing about, but couldn’t come up with an answer so he decided to ignore it and dragged his attention back to Stuart.

“Okay. So why does he get a bonfire?”

 

“Didn’t they tell you about that in school?” Stuart asked, frowning.

 

“Not really,” Neil replied and shrugged, “They just made us memorize this dumb poem.”

 

“Well, then you know what happened,” Stuart said. When Neil just looked at him questioningly, Stuart smiled and went down to his knees so he was on eye-level with Neil. Neil looked down to where his knees were sinking into the cold ground, the dirt and grass sure to leave stains on his dress pants. But a gentle hand on his back pulled Neil’s attention back to Stuart’s face. 

“A very long time ago a bad man and his friends tried to blow up parliament-”

 

“What’s parliament?” Neil interrupted.

 

“A building filled to the brim with people who only care about themselves,” Stuart said.

 

“Oh,” Neil hummed, “Then why was he bad for trying to blow it up?”

 

“Because you can’t just blow up buildings.”

 

“Hmm...Okay.”

 

“Anyway,” Stuart chuckled quietly, and Neil felt like he missed the joke but he didn’t have a chance to ask, “Him and his friends tried to blow up parliament, but they were found out beforehand and they could be stopped. That bad man was called Guy Fawkes, so on Guy Fawkes’ Night we celebrate his failure.”

Neil didn’t like the story. It was boring. But he had already learned that things that happened in real life were rarely as exciting as the adventures happening in his favourite books, especially if adults were involved. Adults were usually pretty boring.

 

Stuart wrapped his arm around Neil’s body and pulled him into his chest. The familiar smell of his cologne, sweet and a little bit soapy, drew Neil’s head into the crook of Stuart’s neck, a comfortable warmth spreading from inside Neil’s chest through his entire body. Even his fingertips and toes felt all nice and warm. 

“Can you recite the poem?” Stuart’s voice was warm and low, a rumble in his chest that Neil felt against his shoulder. He nodded.

“Remember, remember the fifth of November,

gunpowder, treason and plot,

I know of no reason why gunpowder treason

should ever be forgot.” The first few lines were easy, they lay right on the tip of Neil’s tongue, ready after having said them over and over and over again. Stuart hummed quiet, satisfied, and brushed his hand up Neil’s arm until it curled around his shoulder. The fire still burned, Stuart and Neil both watching it while Neil recited the poem and Stuart listened to his small voice.

“Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t-t-...t-”

 

“T’was,” Stuart helped with a whisper.

  
“T-was,” Neil repeated, not quite right but as well as he could, “His intent

to blow up the King and the Parliament.

Three score barrels of powder below,

Poor old England to overthrow.

By God’s pro-bi-dence he was catch-ed.”

“Providence,” Stuart corrected with a smile in his voice and squeezed Neil’s shoulder gently.   
“Providence,” Neil repeated and Stuart nodded, humming praise about his pronunciation.

“With a dark lantern and burning match.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, make the bells ring.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King.

Hip hip hoorah!”

 

“Hip hip hoorah, indeed,” Stuart breathed before pressing Neil up to his body in a short hug, “Well done, Neil.”

 

“I’m cold, uncle Stuart,” Neil mumbled in return, “And tired.”

 

“We’re going home soon, Dear,” Stuart promised, “It’s school tomorrow after all.” 

For now, though, Stuart wrapped his coat and his arms around Neil, pulling him into the warmth of his body, resting his chin on the top of Neil’s head. Neil leaned into him and yawned quietly, watching the bonfire illuminate the park and sparks flying into the chilly winter night sky. 

 

***

 

“Neil!” Neil rolled his eyes when he heard Stuart’s voice calling for him from downstairs. He didn’t answer and hoped he could pretend he didn’t hear him with his door closed and his music turned up. It worked for a whole two minutes, then there was a knock on his door.

 

“Neil, can I come in?”

 

“Ugh,” Neil groaned, “Whatever.”

The door opened to reveal Stuart in slacks and an apron wrapped around his body. He looked like a bloody housewife.

“Could you go and pick up the turkey from the shop? I’m busy with the-”

 

“I’m busy, Stuart,” Neil said, turned to his other side and pulled the blanket over his head. He very clearly wasn’t busy at all, and lying around in bed for the past two hours was actually pretty fucking boring, but Neil was really not in the mood to get up and walk down to the shop. He’d rather be bored.

“ _ Neil _ ,” Stuart said in that voice he started to use recently. It was somewhere between annoyed and chiding, and it was driving Neil insane. He wasn’t a child anymore, he was basically an adult at 14, okay, Stuart should finally accept that and stop talking to him as if Neil was still 7 years old.

“ _ What _ ,” Neil spat back, muffled by the blanket.

 

“This is  _ our _ Christmas dinner, not  _ mine _ . I’m already doing most of the work, the least you can do is get your arse out of bed and down to the shop. It’s literally a five minute walk.”

 

“Ugh!” Neil threw the blanket back with clear defiance, sat up and frowned at Stuart. Stuart didn’t seem fazed by it, he just stood by the door, arms crossed in front of his chest and a very unimpressed stare on his face. For a second Neil considered fighting back some more just to get a rise out of Stuart, but he knew better than to do that on Christmas Eve. He didn’t want to have an awkward Christmas dinner tonight, with Stuart being angry and Neil being stubborn - and Billie rolling her eyes about them. 

“ _ Fine _ ,” he grunted, throwing his legs off the mattress, “I’ll go get the stupid turkey.”

 

“Thank you,” Stuart said as he watched Neil make his way past him.

 

“Whatever,” Neil retorted and caught Stuart rolling his eyes the tiniest bit about Neil’s teenage rebellion.

 

Well, his rebellion would have to wait until he was back from the shop.

It was busy, of course it was, it was Christmas Eve after all, and people were frantically running through the local Waitrose to get the last missing ingredients for their perfect Christmas dinner. Neil was glad Stuart just sent him to collect their pre-ordered turkey, he really wasn’t in the mood to fight Janet with the  _ I’d like to talk to a manager _ -haircut for the last parsnips in the vegetable aisle. 

He was already on the way to the registers with a massive turkey in his arms and two bars of chocolate dangling from his fingers - if he had to go all the way to the shop he’d at least get himself something too - when someone stopped him by quite literally jumping right in his path, forcing Neil to stop so fast he almost fell over his own feet.

 

“Jesus bloody Christ,” Neil cursed, “Can’t you watch where you’re going?”

 

“That’s very rude, young man, have some respect,” a middle-aged woman said, and Neil recognised her as the lady from the vegetable aisle. 

 

“Yeah. Whatever. I’m kind of busy, so if you’ll excuse me…” When Neil made a step to the side, so did Karen. He looked at her, a little frown throwing creases between his brows, took a step to the other side - and so did she.

“Can I  _ help  _ you?!” What on bloody earth was this woman  _ doing _ ? All Neil wanted was to pay for his bird carcass and go home so he could lie around for a little while longer. Not dance a tango with Deborah from accounting in the bread aisle of Waitrose. 

“Indeed,” she sneered with an adult arrogance that drove Neil up the wall in no time at all. He already felt his stomach clenching with rising anger that he tried to swallow down. “I think you have our turkey.”

The absolute absence of shame threw Neil off so much, he couldn’t do anything but stare and blink at her for a few seconds. Until she reached for the bird in his arms, trying to snatch it from him. He snapped out of it and took a hurried step back, turning his entire upper body to get the turkey out of her reach.

“Ex- _ cuse _ me,” he snapped, “I don’t think so, actually.”

 

“What a rude boy!” She gasped and had the audacity to sound genuinely offended, “This is the last turkey in this store, so be a good boy and give it to me.”

 

“I will absolutely  _ not _ do that, leave me alone!”

 

“If you don’t behave I will ask security to take care of this matter,” she threatened. Neil felt the anger in his stomach grow and clenched his jaw. He took a couple deep breaths and another step away from Barbara when she made an attempt to reach for his turkey yet again.

 

“There’s my fucking name on that bird, Lady, piss off,” he snapped. Sharon gasped again, but before she could say anything Neil took three hurried steps around her. This was ridiculous. “Next time order your bloody turkey on time and don’t harass teenagers at Waitrose, crazy old hag!”

Linda shouted after him, telling him what a rude, misbehaved boy he was, how he should learn to respect adults - all that usual bullshit. But Neil ignored her, made his way to the register and paid for the turkey and his chocolate.

All the way home he was fuming about what happened and by the time he reached the front door of his home he had eaten one of the chocolate bars out of sheer frustration. It hadn’t helped much though, because when Neil closed the door behind himself, he threw it shut hard enough to make Stuart poke his head out of the kitchen with a sceptically raised eyebrow.

 

“Don’t tell me you’re still angry about me sending you to the shop,” Stuart asked, wiping his hands on a kitchen towel and taking the bag with the turkey from Neil.

“I had to fight a middle-aged woman for it, it better taste good,” Neil grunted and kicked his shoes into a corner of the hallway.

 

“Regular middle-aged woman or a Susan?”

 

“Susan,” Neil replied. Stuart winced in sympathy. “She literally tried to take it from my hands and called  _ me  _ rude when I told her to shove it, can you believe that?! Who does she think she is? I swear, if she would’ve tried to touch me one more time I would’ve--”

 

“Neil,” suddenly the turkey wasn’t in Stuart’s hands anymore. Instead he wrapped them around Neil’s shoulders, turned his entire body towards Stuart. “Neil, calm down. It’s alright.”

  
“It’s not, though!” Neil yelled, feeling the anger from earlier rising inside his chest again, but this time he couldn’t swallow it down. It was like a wave crashing in over him, leaving nothing but blinding rage. “I should’ve fucking hit her in the head with the bloody turkey if she wants it so bad, see how she’d like that!”

 

“ _ Neil!” _ Stuart gave his shoulders one hard shake before unwrapping one of his hands and grabbing Neil’s face with it instead. Fingers curled around Neil’s jaw in an iron grip, keeping his gaze directed right at Stuart. “Calm. Down. Come on now. We’re both going to count to fifteen now and take deep breaths with it, okay?”

 

“One…” Stuart took a deep breath. Neil stared him down.

 

“Neil, count with me.”

 

“One,” Neil pressed out between gritted teeth. Stuart stared at him until Neil took a deep breath.

 

“Two,” Stuart said and Neil repeated. Another deep breath.

When they reached five, Neil could feel the anger slowly ebbing down to a simmering heat in his stomach. When he took his twelfth breath a knot inside his chest unraveled, his shoulders relaxed, the frown between his brows eased out.

 

“Fifteen,” Stuart’s voice was quiet and calm, his eyes fixed on Neil’s face. They took their last breath and slowly, Stuart loosened his grip on Neil. For a few seconds, the only sounds were those of the vegetables boiling in the kitchen.

 

“Better?” Stuart asked eventually.

 

“Better.” Neil nodded.

 

“Good. Now, remember. Don’t let your temper get a hold of you, Neil, you’re better than that.” Neil knew what he meant by that.  _ You’re better than your father. _ Neil didn’t remember all that much of his parents, but he remembered his father’s heavy hands and he remembered his exploding temper. And even though Stuart never said it, Neil knew that they both knew it was him that Neil could thank for his own short temper. 

It hadn’t really been much of a problem before, as a child Neil had been a little impatient and gotten angry quicker than the other children, but after a few minutes of sulking he had been fine again. But ever since he hit puberty it had gotten worse. At 12, Neil had thrown such a tantrum over a lost game of Monopoly, he smashed three plates and almost broke the TV. And in the last few months it had gotten more regular - and more violent. Just last month Neil broke one of his classmate’s noses over a minor argument and last week he pushed another classmate down a flight of stairs for calling him a ‘tutu-wearing, cock-sucking prima ballerina fag’. Granted, Neil still thought that last one deserved it, however, somehow none of the adults seemed to agree with him.

 

“Thank you for picking up the turkey,” Stuart’s voice ripped Neil from his thoughts, and suddenly he was pulled into a gentle yet short hug, “Can you help me with the rest? I could use another set of hands.”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Neil agreed and they went to the kitchen together. 

 

The turkey had been delicious and Billie praised both Stuart and Neil for their cooking. There had been a bit of bickering about the brussel sprouts, but Stuart convinced Neil to eat them. In return he was allowed to have a glass of wine with Stuart and Billie. 

Neil was just done with his dessert, a rich chocolate cake that Stuart bought at the bakery down the road, when Stuart placed his napkin on his plate.

“Neil? Would you, please?” He said and turned his gaze. Neil followed it, then nodded and got out of his chair. 

 

It was a family tradition these days, but Neil still remembered Christmas the year he turned seven. It was also the year he started piano lessons. He sat down on the piano stool and opened the fallboard. With gentle awe he brushed his fingers across the keys.

Back then, when he was seven, Stuart asked him to play them a Christmas song for the first time. It had been slow and wonky, Little Drummer Boy played with his pointer fingers and lots of mistakes. 

The first sounds of Carol of the Bells carried through the air, Neil’s fingers flying across the keys with practiced ease. Seven years later, the memory of his first time playing the piano on Christmas Eve for Stuart and Billie still brought a soft smile to his lips. He threw a glance over his shoulder and found Billie and Stuart sitting at the table in silence, watching him play with soft smiles on their lips. Sometimes Neil wondered if Stuart and Billie would ever end up together. He wouldn’t mind having Billie live with them, she was like a mother to him. But then again, especially on occasions like Christmas or birthdays, it already felt like they were a proper family. Stuart and Billie didn’t have to be a couple for that - maybe it was even better they weren’t.

 

With a little smile Neil turned his gaze back to his fingers and slowly the tunes of Carol of the Bells turned into a very un-wonky and mistake-free version of Little Drummer Boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing children is always so much fun because no matter what I write, there's ALWAYS a kid I work or used to work with that Did That™ lmao  
> (Also, yes, Neil absolutely is That Stereotypical Spoiled Upperclass British Kid™ that does ballet AND plays the piano (and does coke on the weekends))


	19. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the Thanksgiving dinner at the Hemmick's house. But maybe Neil should've gone to London instead after all...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, this chapter was exactly no fun to write and I'm so glad it's over, but if I had to suffer through writing and editing it, now you have to suffer through reading it lol  
> Y'all know what happens during Thanksgiving. I'm gonna be real w you and tell you right away: it's not getting much better here. Do yourself and me a favour and don't read it if it triggers you or sth, I'd rather have you guys save and sound

Neil grimaced when his phone started to ring, Stuart’s name flashing up alongside the picture of him Neil had saved on his phone. His uncle hadn’t been very happy when Neil called him two weeks ago to inform him he wouldn’t make it to London because Andrew asked him to come to the Hemmick’s family dinner. This was the first call Neil received from him ever since and for the past two weeks he couldn’t help but feel like he hurt Stuart’s feelings - and feel a little guilty about it. 

With an uneasy feeling in his stomach, Neil reached for his phone and hesitated for a little longer before he eventually pressed the green button on his phone.

  
“Hey Pops,” Neil said. 

 

“Hey Neil,” Stuart replied. He didn’t sound angry or hurt, so Neil relaxed a bit. “How are you?”

 

“Fine. You?” Neil tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder and turned back to the clothes spread out on his bed, trying to decide which to take. Andrew refused to stay at the Hemmick’s house after dinner, so him, Neil, Kevin and Aaron would stay at the cousins’ house for the night instead. Nicky would stay with his parents or join them, depending on how the night would go. Since Nicky’s family lived in Columbia, Neil packed an outfit for Eden’s as well - just in case.

“Fine,” Stuart replied - then there was silence. It was uncomfortable and Neil squirmed on his feet, yet he didn’t know what else to say. Maybe Stuart was still angry after all and was waiting for Neil to apologise?

“So, uh… What’s up?” Neil asked instead and wanted to kick is own ass immediately. ‘What’s up’? Really?

Stuart sighed quietly and stayed silent for another few seconds before his voice came back to life - unusually uncertain and careful.

 

“Listen,” he mumbled, “I don’t-....I don’t know how to tell you this, Neil.”

A cold sense of dread ran down Neil’s spine at the words and he stopped everything he was doing. This wasn’t about Stuart being angry. This was Stuart calling to give him bad news. And with Stuart’s line of work, that could be just about anything.   
“Is Billie alright?” Neil asked immediately.

“What?” Stuart replied, startled.

“Is Billie alright?” Neil repeated, panic surging up inside his chest and bleeding into his voice. 

“Oh, God, Neil, no. I mean, yes, Billie is alright, don’t worry, she’s fine, she’s fine,” Stuart blurted out quickly, “This is not what I’m calling about. Billie is fine, I promise. She’s actually quite close to you at the moment and I talked to her a few hours ago.”

Relief washed over Neil and he let out a quiet sigh. Thank God.

 

“This is about Andrew.”

 

Oh, no.

Oh, dear Lord almighty, no.

Was this another one of Stuart’s tries to convince Neil he had a crush on Andrew? Honestly?  _ Now _ ?

“Stuart, I don’t have time for this now,” Neil groaned and rolled his eyes, even if Stuart wouldn’t see it, “I’m packing, can we postpone your monologue about my alleged crush on Andrew to another day, please?”

 

“Neil, no, listen-”

 

“I  _ didn’t _ cancel my flight to London because Andrew asked me to and I have a crush on him. I cancelled it because this trip is important to a friend and the only way was to convince Andrew and--”   
  
“ _ Neil _ !” Stuart used his parent-voice, which  _ did  _ stop Neil, but it also annoyed him to no end. He was 18 for crying out loud, would there ever be a time when Stuart stopped talking to him like he was still a child?

“This is not about your feelings towards Andrew.”

 

“I don’t  _ have  _ feelings towards Andrew!”

 

“Right. Fine. It’s not about your non-feelings towards Andrew. Better?”

 

Neil grumbled quietly and resumed his packing. He should’ve let the phone ring and call Stuart back after the weekend, when they were back at PSU.   
“What is it about then?” He asked.

“So when you called me and told me you wouldn’t come because of your weird deal with Andrew I was, admittedly, maybe, a little bit angry.”

“Maybe a little?” Neil scoffed, “You hung up on me and didn’t pick up anymore until I received a flight cancellation confirmation via email, Stuart.”

“Right. Anyway,” Stuart cleared his throat and Neil rolled his eyes again, “I did some digging after that. I wanted to know who that boy is that keeps your interest so much you’d cancel a visit home for him.”

Neil was just about to complain that he didn’t do it  _ for Andrew _ , when the full significance of Stuart’s words became clear to him.

“Wait,” he breathed with wide eyes and an uncomfortable kind of apprehension, “You  _ did some digging _ ? Stuart, please tell me you didn’t spend your time looking through government files on a college boy because you think I have a crush on him.”

“......maybe,” Stuart said.

“ _ Stuart! _ Oh my God! You’re unbelievable,” Neil groaned, ruffling his curls in desperation and stomping out of the bedroom, as if he could just walk away from this conversation. Sometimes it was a real burden to have a mafia boss as a father figure. There was literally nothing Stuart couldn’t find out if he wanted to.

But then again… Neil would lie if he said he wasn’t a little bit curious what Stuart found.

 

“So… What did you find?” He asked innocently, but Stuart saw through him immediately and laughed.

“Well,” he started, “I didn’t find much about Andrew Joseph Minyard, apart from the things you could just google.” There was a pause, heavy with meaning, and Neil felt curiosity tingle in his stomach. He knew this pause. There was more. “However, there were a lot of things I found about Andrew Joseph Doe.”

“Doe?” Neil frowned at the wall. Why would Andrew be registered as Doe instead of Minyard, in official documents no less? It didn’t make sense. If this wasn’t Stuart talking, Neil would think he just made a mistake, found the wrong boy who happened to have the same first- and middle name. But Stuart didn’t make mistakes like that. And he wouldn’t mention it, if he wasn’t sure this really was the same Andrew.

“Well, I found his birth certificate, but then there was nothing about him until he was 15. Nothing. At all. That’s a bit weird, don’t you think?”

“Obviously,” Neil agreed. That was, indeed, weird. There should be tons of documents about him between birth and age 15, why would there- 

Suddenly Neil remembered his exchange with Nicky, after that first time at Eden’s, where he told him about taking care of the twins. And about how Nicky and Aaron  _ met _ Andrew. But what did that mean? What happened to Andrew in those 15 years?

 

“Apparently his mother put him into foster care. Him and his brother both, but she took Aaron back a while later, but left Andrew in the system. That’s when he became Andrew Doe.”

Neil felt cold seeping into his bones. This was wrong. He shouldn’t let Stuart tell him all of these things, it was unfair towards Andrew. But Neil was all but desperate to understand him better. And, well, technically this didn’t really count as news now did it? Even if Nicky didn’t exactly tell him about Andrew being in the foster system, he did tell him that Andrew didn’t always live with his family, so really, this was just adding detail to what Neil already knew.

Right?

 

“He went through an astounding 13 foster families in that time,” Stuart continued, unaware of Neil’s inner fight.

“Thirteen?!” Neil gasped, his doubts forgotten in a flash as he heard this staggering number, “That’s insane!”

“I know, right? Most of the reports put Andrew at fault for being a problem child but, let’s be real, if you can’t handle a 3-year-old, it’s hardly the child’s fault, is it?”

“No,” Neil breathed quietly. That was horrendous. Neil couldn’t help but imagine what his life would’ve been like if Stuart would’ve put him at fault for his father’s actions instead of saving him. Suddenly he felt a rush of gratitude wash over him, gratitude for the life he got to live and for Stuart and Billie who always cared for him the way his parents should have.

Andrew never had any of that. 13 families, all of which didn’t want him because he was too difficult. And now? Now people still blamed him for the consequences, for how his past made him hard and cold, blamed him for the violence without seeing that Andrew only ever turned to violence to protect himself or what or whom he deemed his.

Neil’s stomach clenched, his heart felt heavy. 

 

“But that’s-...That’s not everything.” Stuart sounded weirdly uncomfortable, his voice tight and unsure. What else could there be, especially something that would throw Stuart off so much?   
“What is it?” Neil asked, though he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Stuart stayed quiet. “Stuart.”

“One of his foster fathers-...Three months after Andrew left that family, he was arrested.” It really didn’t help with Neil’s nerves when Stuart sounded so incredibly uneasy. Honestly, it was the first time Neil heard him like this.

“For what?” He asked.   
Stuart took a long, deep breath.

 

“Stuart, why was he arrested?”

 

“....For posession of child pornography and sexual child abuse.”

 

It was like someone ripped the ground from underneath Neil’s feet. He didn’t say it, but the implication in Stuart’s words was enough to make Neil feel sick to the stomach to a point where he thought he might throw up any moment. For a hopeful moment Neil considered he misheard, or he imagined things. That Stuart didn’t really just say those words.

“Andrew was seven at the time,” Stuart added. Neil put a hand over his mouth when a gag ripped through him. Seven.  _ Seven _ . Fuck. 

“Neil?” Stuart’s soft voice didn’t do anything to calm Neil’s racing mind or his turning stomach. “Neil, are you okay?”

“No, Stuart, I’m not okay,” Neil pressed out between gritted teeth and muffled by his hand, still covering his mouth, “You just told me Andrew was raped by his foster father when he was seven, how do you expect me to be okay right now?!”

“I’m sorry,” Stuart said. And he truly did sound sorry. Whether he was sorry for telling Neil or for what Andrew had to go through, or for both, Neil wasn’t sure. But it didn’t help either way. “I just thought you should know. I don’t know the boy, but be careful with him, okay?”

“Are you worried about  _ Andrew _ ?” This realisation was both surprising and confusing, “You don’t even know him.”

“No, but even in the world of crime and violence there’s nothing more despicable than putting your hands on a child in any way. That’s why I took  _ you  _ away from your parents.”

Neil took a few seconds to calm down. He heard Stuart’s quiet breath and focused on the slow in- and exhales until his stomach felt a little better. How he was supposed to sit in the car to Columbia with Andrew, acting like nothing happened when he just learned something like this, he didn’t know, but he had to do it. He couldn’t back out now. 

 

As if he had been waiting for the most ill-timed cue possible, there was a rough knock on Neil’s door.

“Don’t try to get out of this, Hatford, you’re coming to Columbia with us,” Andrew drawled through the door. Neil’s gaze was heavy and slow as it turned to the door and he didn’t say anything for a sew seconds, worried his voice would give up.

“Is that all?” He asked.

 

“Yes. That’s all. There wasn’t much about his other foster families,” Stuart said.

 

“Okay. Thanks,” Neil said weakly, “I have to go now. Talk to you later.”

 

“Talk to you later, Neil, take care.” Stuart barely managed to finish his sentence before Neil cut the call off and buried his phone in his jeans’ pockets. There was another impatient knock on the door. Neil didn’t want to open it. The door looked too heavy, like it was weighed down with this dark secret of Andrew’s, like pushing it open was just as much of an impossible task as it was to break through Andrew’s walls. 

Andrew opened the door from outside, stopping short and frowning at Neil with the handle still in his hands when he saw him standing in the middle of the living room, unmoved and pale.

“What the hell’s wrong with  _ you _ ? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Andrew grunted.

 

“I’m fine,” Neil breathed. It was obvious he wasn’t, but Andrew just raised a sceptical eyebrow at him before crossing his arms in front of his chest. Neil couldn’t help but imagine what Andrew must’ve looked like as a child and immediately wanted to throw up again.

“Are you coming or what?”    
“Yeah I just need to finish packing,” Neil said. And didn’t move. He couldn’t, his arms and legs refused to cooperate. All he could do was stare at Andrew and pray he didn’t somehow realise what Neil just learned. 

“You didn’t even finish packing yet?” Andrew asked unimpressed, “We were supposed to leave ten minutes ago.”

“I’m sorry,” Neil said and flinched at how raw and honest his apology sounded - and Andrew froze. He tilted his head, eyeing Neil curiously from head to toe. It was painfully obvious this apology hadn’t been about Neil’s poor time management. Even Andrew picked up on that, and now he was trying to figure out what exactly it was Neil was apologizing for. 

“It’s my turn,” he said slowly. Neil felt the blood in his veins freeze, his heart stop. No. He couldn’t. He couldn’t use his turn of the truth-game for this. He couldn’t make Neil say it. Not this.

Neil felt his stomach knot and turn again, nausea making him dizzy in mere seconds. Andrew gave him a few seconds to breathe before his question bore through Neil’s chest like a rusty knife.

 

“What did you just apologise for?”

 

Lying wasn’t an option. Not in this game. Neil had known it would get him into trouble, but he never thought in this kind of trouble. If anything, he would’ve thought Andrew would ask too many questions about Stuart or the Moriyamas. But somehow this was worse. He felt dirty for knowing this secret, for not stopping Stuart before he told Neil about Andrew’s past. He felt like he did something forbidden - and not in the good way. 

He felt like he betrayed Andrew’s trust.

Neil took a few deep breaths. Stalling was what that was, but it would get him nowhere. He knew that. He still tried it. Andrew waited him out patiently and the heavy silence stretching out in the room weighed down Neil’s shoulders until he couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“My uncle just called me. Apparently he… found it necessary to find out more about you.”

 

“I’m flattered,” Andrew said flatly and with an unimpressed yet unyielding gaze, “Found anything interesting?”

 

“More than he bargained for,” Neil mumbled. Andrew’s eyes changed, his gaze turned searching again, trying to figure out what Neil knew. He didn’t know who Stuart was, so he couldn’t possibly know that there was basically nothing Stuart couldn’t find out if he wanted to. Of course he wasn’t stupid enough to believe Stuart was just a regular business man, not after Neil told him he kidnapped him. But he never told Andrew that Stuart had his very own underground empire with contacts all over the world - politicians, police, doctors. Everyone could be bought if the money was right. 

“He told me you weren’t always Andrew Minyard,” Neil said after a moment of uncomfortable silence. 

Andrew froze - his body, his gaze. He stared Neil down with hard eyes, his jaw working around unspoken words and his hands curling into fists. Neil wondered if he would use those fists on him now.

“Ah.” It was too casual, a stark contrast to the tension in Andrew’s shoulders and the way his eyes were still cold and hard. “Now I understand. He told you about Cass, didn’t he?”

Hearing the name of the person who did this to Andrew sent a cold shiver down Neil’s spine. It made it more real, more palpable. 

“Is that his name?”

“His?” Andrew asked, both eyebrows rising in surprise, “Oh. No, that was his mother. My foster brother was Drake.”

“Wait your foster...brother?” Neil frowned, his head tilting to the side. Were they still talking about the same thing? Neil knew Stuart said father. The words still echoed in his mind, repeating over and over again, making Neil feel sick. Stuart didn’t say anything about a foster  _ brother _ .

Andrew tensed again, like a deer in headlights. An uncomfortable feeling spread inside Neil, a feeling that there was more, things Stuart either hadn’t found out or didn’t want to tell Neil. He hoped to God his feeling was wrong.

“No,” Neil said and cleared his throat when his voice gave up on him, “No. Stuart told me about your-...about your foster father.”

“Oh.” Suddenly, Andrew relaxed. He relaxed. He shouldn’t. He shouldn’t relax, not when Neil was talking about a foster father who abused him as a child. This was wrong. So, so wrong. And it was an unwanted proof that there had been so much more, so much worse things, that this one had Andrew’s shoulders going slack and his jaw unclench. Neil wanted to shake him, wanted Andrew to show he cared - about himself, about what happened to him, about how people treated him. This impassiveness was worse than Andrew’s violent side. Because at least if he reacted with violence, it would show Neil that he still cared. That he hadn’t given up on himself.

 

“Andrew-”

 

“Oh, no, Neil,” Andrew shook his head and Neil stopped, “We’re not having this conversation.”

Before Neil could object, Andrew turned back to the door.

“If you’re not at the car in five minutes no one’s going to Columbia this weekend. You better hurry up!”

 

“Andrew, wait-”

 

“Tick tock, Neil, your time is ticking.” 

 

“I’m really sorry,” Neil called after him and Andrew finally stopped. For a few seconds he just stood. “I should’ve stopped Stuart before he told me those things. It wasn’t fair.”

 

“Oh, Neil, Neil, Neil,” Andrew turned on his heels, waving his hand around and giving Neil a disinterested look, “Life isn’t fair. I thought you knew that. Stop apologising, it makes you look even more like a coward than you already are.”

Andrew went without another word and Neil was left alone with his thoughts and the uneasy feeling in his stomach. The way Andrew acted about the fate he had suffered was headache-inducing. Never before had Neil seen someone care so little about themself while, at the same time, putting so much effort into protecting others. 

 

After this conversation Neil didn’t feel like thinking about outfits to wear and just stuffed some clothes from his bed into his bag. That would do. He was pretty sure it took him longer than five minutes, but when Neil left the building he saw Andrew and his lot standing by the car, waiting for him. Aaron was cussing him out, but Neil barely heard him. He looked at Andrew instead, who acknowledged him for a second before he crushed his half-smoked cigarette with his foot and turned to get into the car. Aaron and Nicky jumped in too, but Kevin lingered behind, his eyes on Neil.

“Are you sick?” He asked, one eyebrow raised. Neil shook his head.

“You look sick,” Kevin added.

“I’m not sick, Kevin.” Neil threw his bag into the trunk and threw it shut with too much force. The car shook slightly and Kevin gave Neil a searching look.

“Let’s go,” Neil said and climbed into the back of the car without looking at Kevin again.

 

***

 

They stopped at the house first. Everyone but Nicky brought their stuff in and Neil saw the twins unloading an ungodly amount of liquor in the kitchen. Apparently they were planning on getting shit-faced tonight. Considering how this dinner promised to be an extremely uncomfortable affair, possibly with a heartbroken Nicky by the end of it, Neil would be happy to join. Maybe he could drink away  _ all  _ memories from today.

Nicky bounced around the house, all excitement and nerves at the same time, telling them to hurry up so they’d be on time. Neil felt a little bad for him. If he believed what Andrew said, this entire situation would end in disaster and heartbreak and Nicky would, once again, be disappointed by his parents. But maybe that was the push Nicky needed to finally realise he was better off without them.

 

The Hemmick’s house looked like it was cut straight from an old, american rom-com. A big, white house with a neat front yard, all pristine and perfect, a false promise of a perfect little family living their perfect little life. Neil threw a short glance at Andrew, who looked pointedly uninterested, then at Nicky. Other than Andrew he looked about ready to burst. If Neil thought he had seen Nicky on edge before - it was nothing against this. He barely managed to ring the doorbell.

When the door opened, Neil suddenly understood how Nicky could look so different to his cousins. The door was opened by who Neil assumed to be his mother - a pretty, middle-aged woman with long, dark curls and skin a few shades darker than Nicky’s. Nicky didn’t seem to know how to react, but she opened her arms in invitation and he immediately fell into them, burying his face in her shoulder. Andrew made a little gagging sound next to him and Neil shushed him sharply.

Nicky’s mum introduced herself as Maria and ushered them inside with a warm smile. The house was filled with the smell of freshly cooked food, pictures hung on the wall together with all sorts of Christian imagery. For half a minute Neil thought maybe the night would turn out fine after all - until they stepped into the living room, where a tall, pale, blond man was waiting for them. That was clearly Andrew and Aaron’s side of the family. And he looked about as chatty and pleasant as the twins. 

“Hello, Dad,” Nicky said, quiet and sheepish. It was the exact opposite of what Nicky was usually like and it set off all alarm bells inside Neil’s head. This was clearly a child afraid of his father. Neil already hated the guy. 

“Hello, Nicholas,” Mr Hemmick said, then turned to the rest of the group, but he only had eyes for one of them. “Andrew, I’m so very pleased to have you here.”

Andrew snorted.

“Are you now, Luther?” He asked mockingly, “Last time you couldn’t get me out fast enough.”

“The past is the past. We are all here to mend old bonds and forgive mistakes.” Luther spoke and gestured as if he was holding a sermon. It was obnoxious. All that stopped Neil from making a snide remark were his british manners and the fact that he didn’t want this evening to go downhill already. Even though Andrew was doing a splendid job of the latter so far.

“Actually, I’m just here so Neil would stop asking me about it,” he said casually, pointing his thumb at Neil - who really didn’t appreciate the shout-out. Immediately Luther’s eyes were on him, looking him up from head to toe and Neil resisted the urge to squirm under his scrutinising gaze. Even though he barely remembered his parents, having a man like Luther staring him down like this sent a cold shiver down Neil’s spine, memories of his own father’s heavy hands and cold looks clawing at the edges of his mind. 

“Of course we’re happy to have your friends over as well,” Luther said after a few seconds, “And Aaron.”

Aaron grunted quietly, his brows drawn into a tight frown. They had been here for barely ten minutes and Neil already felt like everything was going wrong. Luther barely acknowledged Nicky - who should be the center of attention at this family reunion - and mentioned Aaron as an afterthought, even though he was the twin who grew up around his biological family. When Nicky said his parents insisted on Andrew coming here or they wouldn’t have Nicky over either, Neil assumed he exaggerated or misunderstood. But now he began to realise that maybe Andrew really had a crucial role in this entire dinner. Just  _ why  _ wasn’t clear to him yet.

 

Neil felt Kevin squirm next to him and risked a glance. Kevin looked about as uncomfortable as Neil felt and his eyes snapped to Neil when he felt his stare. They exchanged a quick look before Maria announced that the food was almost ready. 

“Neil and Kevin, wasn’t it?” She asked. They nodded. “Would you help me set the table?”

“Of course, Mrs Hemmick,” Kevin said after a second of hesitation. Neil wasn’t as keen, he’d rather stay and see where this was going, but Kevin grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the kitchen. Neil’s eyes locked with Andrew’s for a short second before they rounded a corner and Neil lost sight of him.

“I’ll help you too, Mom!” Nicky followed them and immediately went to one of the cupboards to grab a few plates. He shoved them into Neil’s arms.

“What the fuck, Nicky?” Neil hissed, “What is this?”

“I don’t know.” Nicky didn’t look at him. He had his back turned to Neil and uselessly rummaged through a cupboard filled with cutlery without actually grabbing anything. Neil decided to leave him alone. It was obvious he really didn’t know what was going on and it was tearing him apart that his parents still ignored him, even now that he was right here, right in front of their noses, but they cared more about Andrew than him. Not that Andrew seemed to enjoy the attention. He didn’t even want to come here in the first place. 

Maria was already eyeing them, so Neil turned to her and, as politely as he could possibly muster, asked: “Where should I take these?”

“To the conservatory, please,” she said and gave him a small smile, “We’ve put up a table and some chairs there for tonight.”

So Neil went down the hall, the way Maria explained to him, the plates heavy in his arms. As he passed he tried to throw a glance into the living room, but the door was closed. An uncomfortable feeling sat deep in Neil’s stomach. Why would they close that door with Andrew and Aaron still inside? However, when he stepped into the conservatory a quick rush of relief washed over him when he saw Andrew moving chairs around. 

Then he stopped and realised it was Aaron.

 

“Where is Andrew?”

 

Aaron looked up with an angry frown on his face and just stared Neil down for a few seconds. 

“In the living room, with Luther,” he said eventually and pushed the chair in his hand until it hit the table with a violent thud. 

“Does he have his knives?” Neil asked as he put the plates down.

 

“Are you worried he might hurt Luther?” Aaron asked in a mocking voice.

 

“No,” Neil replied, his eyes hard and his voice flat, “I’m worried whether he carries weapons to defend himself if he needs to.”

For a second Aaron stopped and mustered Neil, not even trying to hide his scepticism, before something else went across his face that Neil couldn’t quite put into words. Then Aaron made a small but dismissive sound.

“Luther wouldn’t hurt him,” he said.

“I wouldn’t trust him farther than I can spit,” Neil said blankly and started to arrange the plates on the table. He saw the annoyed look Aaron threw him but didn’t acknowledge it. “He seems like an utterly unpleasant arsehole, and I’d feel more comfortable if I knew he’d end up with a knife in his guts if he tried anything.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Aaron spat with such venom in his voice, Neil stopped short and stared at him wide-eyed. He hadn’t expected such a violent reaction, not from Aaron, and especially not concerning Luther Hemmick. The man didn’t seem to give two shits about Aaron, and he expected the same vice versa. “I don’t know why Andrew asked you to come here with us, but don’t start to think it means anything. He probably just thought it was funny. You don’t know Andrew, even if you think you do. And he doesn’t care about you.” 

Oh, so that was what was leaving such a nasty taste in Aaron’s mouth. It wasn’t Neil insulting Luther - it was the fact that Andrew asked him to join. His posture was defensive, his brows pulled into a tight, angry frown and his lips pressed to a thin line. He felt threatened. It was almost funny, if it weren’t so sad. 

Neil tilted his head and gave Aaron an unimpressed look. It took more than the jealous rage of a college boy to get under Neil’s skin.

“But do  _ you  _ know him? And does he care about  _ you _ ?” Neil asked, knowing full well what those words could trigger.

It didn’t even take two second for Aaron to register Neil’s words and immediately jump into action. With his face pulled into an angry grimace Aaron rounded the table, his feet heavy on the ground as he stomped towards Neil. Neil didn’t budge but kept his eyes on him and dodged Aaron’s fist as it came flying towards his face.

“Fuck you, Hatford!” Aaron spat and grabbed Neil by the collar, crinkling his neatly pressed dress shirt and putting an annoyed frown on Neil’s face.

“You know, considering your girlfriend is my roommate one could think you’d try to be nicer to me,” Neil said, voice bored. Aaron, in return, shook him, then pushed him until Neil’s back hit the wall hard enough to press a breathless grunt from his lungs. 

This time Neil didn’t see the fist coming soon enough and pain exploded in the right side of his face as knuckles crashed into his cheekbone, sure to leave a nice, dark bruise. Aaron’s fingers, curled into Neil’s shirt, were the only thing keeping him from stumbling, but they also kept him close to Aaron who was already reaching back for the next hit. 

 

“Aaron! Stop it!” 

 

Both Aaron and Neil froze when Luther’s voice thundered through the room, though for entirely different reasons. As if he burned his fingers on him, Aaron let go of Neil and stumbled two steps back, holding the hand he hit him with in the palm of the other, knuckles pink from colliding with Neil’s skull. Neil pressed a hand to his cheek, checking whether Aaron broke something with careful fingers. 

“Are you okay, son?” Suddenly Luther’s hand was on Neil’s shoulder. A cold sense of dread filled him in mere seconds and Neil’s immediate reaction was to flinch away violently and slap Luther’s fingers off his shoulder, his heart beating all the way up into his throat. Luther seemed taken aback by his actions and they ended up staring at each other with wide eyes, until Luther slowly let his hand sink and turned to Aaron instead. The look he gave Aaron sent another wave of anxiety through Neil. He threw a glance at the table, his eyes falling onto several knives waiting to be arranged next to plates and platters. He didn’t hate Aaron, but he didn’t like him either. Mostly, Neil couldn’t care less about Aaron. But if Luther decided to raise his hand against him, Neil would take him apart limb for limb, right here and now. 

Luckily, Luther just shook his head in disappointment and sent Aaron off to the kitchen to get something to cool Neil’s bruised face with. 

 

With a bag of frozen peas wrapped in a kitchen towel covering the entire right side of his face, Neil sat by the dinner table and watched as everyone took their places. There was barely a spot on the table that wasn’t occupied by plates and bowls filled with food, a rich smell of spices and butter filling the air. Kevin took a seat to Neil’s right, but there was a pointedly empty chair between them.   
“Let’s pray,” Luther said, extending his hands to either side. Aaron and Maria took one each into their own.   
“Where’s Andrew?” Neil asked, one hand pressing the peas to his face, the other unmoved in his lap.

“He will be joining us some time later,” Luther explained without actually explaining anything.

“But where is he?” Neil asked again.

“Upstairs,” Luther answered with a growing strain in his voice that could either be annoyance or nerves. Neil didn’t like the latter option, because it put a heavy feeling inside his stomach.

 

“Shouldn’t we wait for him?”

 

“I don’t know how long he will be, it might be a while. I’m sure he won’t mind us starting without him.” Luther gave Neil an urging look, but Neil kept his hand still in his lap. He didn’t like this. Not one bit. Something was wrong and the fact that Luther was obviously involved in whatever it was had Neil’s palms damp with sweat. 

After a few seconds of expectant silence, Neil pushed his chair back with a loud creak as its feet dragged across the floor.

“I’ll go look for him,” he announced, but before he could even get up Luther dropped Aaron and Maria’s hands and held his own up to stop Neil.

“Please don’t,” he said, “Andrew is currently mending old bonds with someone important. I want to give them the time and space they need to sort out their differences.”

 

Mending old bonds with someone important? Sort out their differences? This was the first time Neil heard about someone from Andrew’s past being here, and it raised about every red flag in his mind. He needed to look for Andrew. Now. Neil threw the peas onto his plate, the porcelain rattling with the force, and got out of his seat.

“Andrew didn’t say anything about this. I’ll check on him.”

 

“He didn’t know about it. It was a surprise,” Luther tried.

 

“That’s even worse,” Neil said, nerves rising, “Andrew hates surprises.”

 

Luther got up too and walked right into Neil’s path, standing in the door and keeping him from entering the hallway. Neil kept a careful distance between them but threw Luther a withering glare that left no questions about the way he felt about him. Luther responded with a calm look of his own.

“This isn’t your concern. It’s about family.”

“You’re not Andrew’s family,” Neil hissed venomously. Hot anger started to boil in his stomach, but this time he didn’t count to fifteen. If Luther wouldn’t step aside soon, Neil had absolutely no qualms making him. 

 

“We are. And so is Drake.”

 

Neil’s blood froze in his veins and his heart stopped beating. Memories from his earlier conversation with Andrew popped into his mind in seconds. 

 

_ My foster brother was Drake. _

 

When he felt his heart beating again it was a violent rush of thuds hammering against his ribcage. His stomach felt heavy, his chest tightened, his body felt cold. 

There was a crash from upstairs, like something or someone fell and hit the ground, and everyone directed their gaze to the ceiling. 

There was no way Neil would waste any more time arguing with Luther. Not when there could be so many bad things happening to Andrew in this very moment. Cold dread in his veins and the crushing feeling of impending disaster fueled his rage, made it burn inside his stomach and chest and gave Neil the needed strength to make Luther sway when he crushed his shoulder into his chest. Luther, gasping for breath, tried to hold Neil back with flailing arms but he slipped past him, squeezing through the gap between Luther's body and the doorframe before promptly rushing towards the stairs. The screech of several other chairs being hastily pushed back filled the air, Kevin and Nicky and Aaron shouting his name, but Neil didn’t look back. Panic filled every thought, sending him up too fast, his foot catching on one of the steps. Neil almost fell but caught himself on the handrail, all but crawling up the stairs for a few steps before he managed to push his body up and take the stairs two steps at a time. 

 

Neil opened two doors to find nothing but empty rooms behind, and only one door left untouched. When he tried to open it and rush into the room at the same time, his body hit the wood with a dull thump. It didn’t move. It was locked.

“Hey!!” Neil banged his fist against the door, but no one opened.

 

“What the fuck are you  _ doing _ ?! Are you crazy?!!” Neil turned his head to find Aaron standing by the stairs. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Andrew is in there,” Neil gasped, rattling the door handle uselessly, “He would never see this Drake voluntarily.  _ Never _ .”

“What?” Aaron stood next to him and pushed Neil to the side, trying the door handle himself but coming up with the same result. It didn’t budge.

“I don’t care if you believe me or not, Aaron, but don’t you think it’s weird they locked the door for their “bond mending”?”

Aaron threw Neil a glance, then looked back at the door. Neil didn’t wait for him to figure out he was right. He needed that door open.  _ Now _ .

 

“Shit!” Aaron jumped to the side when Neil’s foot crashed into the door. Too far to the right. The next kick went right against the door handle. It cracked, but didn’t break. Neil was breathing hard, but not from exhaustion. It was fear, it was anger, it was pure, unadulterated panic that had him almost panting. 

The adrenaline in his veins had Neil kicking the door mercilessly until,  _ finally _ , the handle and lock gave in with a pitiful crack. Neil almost lost his balance when his foot caught on the broken wood. Without thinking he held onto Aaron’s shoulder for support and needed two tries to pull his foot back, broken wood scratching his ankle, his shoe almost coming off. He didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was getting this door open as fast as possible. Shoulder first he crashed into the door and it swung open, Neil stumbling into the room with it.

 

He was still holding onto the door when his world stopped.

 

Two bodies on the bed, Andrew’s face pressed into the pillow, suffocating him, the other man’s hand buried in his hair in a brutal hold. He leaned his entire body into it, so much bigger, so much heavier than Andrew’s, holding Andrew down with his weight. Andrew’s lower body was exposed, his jeans and underwear somewhere around his knees and the man who Neil assumed to be Drake was frozen in shock, the interruption obviously not expected. A heavy sickness settled in Neil’s stomach when he saw Drake’s hand buried in his own pants, the fabric pulled down and askew but not yet entirely shed.

Before he could fully process the horrible view that lay before him, Aaron shouldered past Neil into the room. It set him back into action too, his brain turning on autopilot. There was no thinking, just acting. 

Aaron curled his fingers into Drake’s shirt and, with a violent jerk, dragged him off of Andrew’s motionless body, throwing him down to the floor. As Drake fell, his head hit the edge of the little nightstand, his temple colliding with the hard wood, and his entire form slumped to the ground, knocked out cold. He stopped moving, yet Aaron threw himself on him, smashing his fists into his face repeatedly in blind rage, drawing blood and breaking bones. Neil let him. He ran for Andrew instead, who lay in the sheets, unmoved, fingers wrapped around the bed’s headboard in a white-knuckled grip. The second Neil’s knees hit the mattress, he grabbed the blanket and pulled it over Andrew’s body.

“Andrew,” he breathed, “Andrew, look at me.”

Andrew didn’t turn his head, but his grip on the headboard loosened, his fingers uncurling and slipping off, then wrapping around the fabric of the pillow instead. His shoulders slumped and in one mere second his entire body went slack as well. Except for his fingers curled into the pillow. Neil had never seen such clear defeat in anyone’s body language before. 

Then he spotted blood on the pillow. The spot, damp and red and so damning, glared at him, and the blood glistening on Andrew’s temple sent a sharp pain through Neil’s chest that left him breathless. The blood stuck his hair together in thick, dark strands, pasted to his skin and almost covering the shallow cut on Andrew’s temple, some smaller scratches around it, still wet with fresh blood, and a bruise already forming around them. Neil felt new panic rising inside his chest.

Only Aaron's hand, also tainted with blood, popping into Neil's view in the corner of his eye caught his attention enough to distract him from Andrew. He turned his head just in time to see Aaron wrapping his hand around the lamp on the nightstand and raising it into the air.

Neil felt his senses coming back in a rush, the fog of fear clearing and letting Neil think again when he realised this simple piece of furniture would turn into a murder weapon any moment. He threw himself off the bed as fast as he could, his knees hitting the ground with force, wrapping both hands around Aaron’s wrist to keep him from smashing the lamp into Drake’s face. “Aaron, stop! You’re going to kill him!”   
“ _ I know _ !” Aaron growled. The desire to kill written all over his features. Neil understood, but held onto Aaron’s wrist nevertheless.    
“Let go!” Aaron pulled on his arm, trying to free it from Neil’s grip, “He deserves it! Why are you stopping me?!”   
“I know!” Neil jerked Aaron’s arm to the side so the lamp crashed into the nightstand, trying to force it out of his hand, but the iron grip he had on it remained even when the bulb shattered into a million pieces, the shade dented, the body cracked. “But he’s not worth going to fucking jail for, Aaron!”

 

Aaron froze, his wide-eyed gaze stuck to Neil, his shoulders rising and sinking fast with each hard breath he took. He stopped struggling. Neil still kept his fingers wrapped around his wrist. His arms hurt from fighting against Aaron’s hate-fueled strength, and he wanted nothing more than to let Aaron crack Drake’s skull - or do it himself - but it just wasn’t worth it. In the back of his head, behind the anger and panic and agony, his rationality screamed at Neil not to kill Drake. Not here. Not now. Growing up surrounded by criminals and murderers, he knew better than to kill with witnesses close and the police only one call away. 

“I want him dead too, Aaron,” Neil said, his voice calmer, quieter than before, and his eyes fixed on Aaron's in a cold, intense gaze, “And I  _ promise  _ you, I will make it happen. He  _ will  _ suffer. But not here. Not today.”

Aaron stared at him. Then pulled on his wrist again.

 

“Don’t make this the day Andrew met his abuser  _ and  _ the day his brother went to jail for homicide.”

 

The noise of the lamp hitting the ground and Aaron’s shoes squeaking against the hardwood floor were the only sounds in the room when Aaron suddenly scrambled to his feet, off Drake’s unmoving body. Neil watched him, their eyes locked, Aaron’s gaze panicked as if he had just realised what he had done and didn’t dare to look at the body he brought to the ground. Neil, on the other hand, felt a sudden calm, though he knew it was a false sense of security. His raging emotions were merely hidden behind a thin veil of learned behaviour, his upbringing allowing him to utilize the instincts of a killer in moments of violence. But one tiny push could be enough to bring him back over the edge.

“I’ll make sure he will regret ever being born,” Neil promised after a few seconds of silence. They were still staring at each other, and Neil saw Aaron’s jaw clench as he swallowed hard.

“How?” Aaron asked.   
“I have my ways,” Neil said. 

Aaron opened his mouth but didn’t say anything. His eyes snapped up before he brought out any words, his gaze breaking off Neil, and Neil turned to see what he was looking at.

And there was the push that sent him falling right back into the pit of emotions. 

 

Andrew was still limp in the sheets, but suddenly his head was half-turned, his eyes, though slightly unfocused, on Aaron and Neil. It was like a punch to the gut. For a moment Neil’s breath got stuck in his throat and he couldn’t move, but then Andrew unwrapped one hand from the pillow and pushed it against the mattress, lifting his body up slow and heavy. Neil closed the distance between him and the bed on his knees, then pulled himself up onto the mattress and grabbed the edge of the blanket just as it threatened to slip off Andrew’s body. Andrew didn’t even acknowledge him. He pushed up and turned until he sat, his hands lying in his lap limply and his eyes fixed on his palms as if they held the answers to all of his questions. He just breathed, swaying back and forth ever so slightly, his mind visibly a million miles away. The air in the room thickened with each breath Andrew took, as if he was sucking the oxygen from it, leaving Neil and Aaron struggling to breathe. Neither of them dared to say anything.

 

“Aaron,” Andrew’s voice was too loud in the silent room and too calm for what just happened. When there was no answer, Andrew slowly lifted his head and stared right past Neil at his brother. “ _ Aaron _ .”

 

“Y-yes,” Aaron stammered. Andrew waved him over and Aaron almost fell over his feet when he tried to get to him as fast as possible. The second he was in reach, Andrew curled his fingers into his shirt and pulled him onto the bed. Aaron tripped and landed on the mattress, hands and one knee braced on top of it, the other foot planted against the floor.

 

“Andrew, what--”

 

“Did he touch you?” Andrew’s fingers curled into Aaron’s shirt tighter, his other hand buried in his hair and pulling on it roughly, pulling Aaron in closer. Aaron stared at him wide-eyed. A harsh tug on his hair had him shaking his head.

“N-No, he-”

 

“Don’t get close to him again,” Andrew’s voice sounded like a threat, but his words were a warning. 

  
“But- He--”

 

“I said  _ don’t get close to him again _ .” 

Neil couldn’t help but throw a look at Drake. From where Neil sat he was half-hidden behind the nightstand, but he knew what he looked like. His face covered in red, beaten and unconscious. But his chest still rose and sank, meaning he was still alive. Neil’s fingers tightened around the edge of the blanket.

The penchant for violence was a nasty one. It was a tiny little monster in the back of Neil’s mind, one that was quite literally beaten into him as a child and nurtured by the environment he grew up in, even if Stuart tried his best to keep Neil away from his work. These days Neil was mostly able to silence it, but in this very moment it took everything inside him not to go against his own words and end this bastard’s life. 

 

“What happened here?!”

 

Neil’s eyes snapped to the door. His desire to kill doubled when he spotted Luther. Instead he pulled the blanket up a bit, making sure Andrew was covered. Aaron stumbled off the mattress but held onto the end of the bed for support, his legs weak and his eyes confused.

Nicky, who came up behind his father, gasped when he saw Drake’s bloodied form on the ground, slapped both his hands over his mouth and immediately looked at Andrew - but Andrew only had eyes for Luther. 

“Oh, hello, Luther,” he said, his voice relaxed - but his eyes were dead. Neil couldn’t even see any heat or anger or violence in them, there was nothing. Just nothing. “Thank you for inviting Drake over.”

 

“Andrew, what did you-”

 

“Nothing, Luther.” If Andrew wouldn’t have stopped that sentence Neil would have. Not with words, though. How  _ dare  _ he, after letting Drake into his house and putting him and Andrew into a room alone, how  _ dare  _ he accuse Andrew of  _ anything _ . “That whiskey you promised was a strong one, felt like it hit me right in the head.”

Andrew’s eyes darted down and when he followed his gaze, Neil spotted a broken whiskey bottle on the ground lying in a puddle of alcohol and blood. Andrew’s blood, Neil realised. So did Luther, if his shocked expression was anything to go by. His eyes darted back up to Andrew, then to the blanket covering his lower body kept in place by Neil’s tight grip. And suddenly he turned paler than before.

“Hey. Hey, Luther,” Andrew said when he noticed where Luther’s eyes lay. Everyone looked at him. Except Luther. “Question. Do you still think I just misunderstood? Do you still think that’s just normal, brotherly affection?”

 

“You knew about this?!” Aaron’s voice cracked, “You knew that-- You knew what this-...this--.....”

 

“You knew it and you still let him in. And you tried to have us all sit down and have dinner while Andrew was up here, locked into a room with this cunt.” Imagining Luther  _ knowing  _ all of this while sitting by the table, beginning a prayer, willing to let it happen while they were having a family dinner just beneath this room had Neil’s stomach twisting and turning, leaving a sick feeling and a sour taste behind. He was pretending to be such a holy man, yet he let this happen to Andrew. Neil never wanted to tear someone apart so badly.

 

“I didn’t know-” Luther started, his voice shaking and his eyes, wide and full of horror, slowly drifting back to Andrew.

“Oh but I told you, Luther, did you forget? I told you. And you said I was just imagining things. That Drake just tried to be a good brother, that I should let him close and be open to people. Was this close enough yet, Luther?” Suddenly Andrew’s eyes lost focus and he swayed to the side, one hand flying up to his head with a quiet but pained groan. Neil didn’t dare to touch him, but throwing his hands up to catch him was a reflex. They hovered in the air, several inches away from Andrew’s body, and Andrew caught himself in time. He noticed Neil’s hands and his eyes followed up his arms until they lay on his face, trying hard yet unsuccessfully to focus on him. He looked like this was the first time he really realised Neil was in the room with them. 

Looking at Andrew was hard. The blood on his temple was drying, turning dark and sticky and a big, dark bruise was already covering his temple, all the way down to his cheekbone. His hair was messy from being pushed into the pillow with a hand violently curled into the blond strands. The memory sent a nasty shiver down Neil’s spine. And yet he kept looking at him, returned Andrew’s stare, tried to be strong for Andrew so he didn’t have to.

“We’re leaving,” Andrew said.

“We’ll take you to the hospital,” Neil replied, his eyes darting to the cut on Andrew’s temple for a second, then returning to his eyes, “You’ll need stitches. And you need to be checked for a concuss-”

Suddenly Andrew’s hands scrambled for purchase on the sheets, his entire body just tipping over and for a dreadful moment Neil thought he was passing out. As if in slow-motion he watched Andrew fall across Neil’s legs, then curl his fingers into the edge of the mattress, holding onto the sheet, his entire body convulsing as he threw up on the ground.

“Andrew!” He gasped and threw his hands up and behind his head, grabbing his own neck to hold onto  _ something  _ so he wouldn’t give into the urge to reach for Andrew. He felt Andrew’s chest pressing against his legs, felt it heaving with heavy breaths and his muscles contract as his stomach cramped up again, leaving Andrew choking and coughing. 

 

“Andrew--” Nicky whimpered. His face was covered in tears, his brows furrowed into a worried frown. “I- I didn’t know- Oh, God. I’m so sorry,  Andrew.” A sob ripped through Nicky, shaking his body and making new tears well up in his eyes. 

“An- an ambulance is on its way,” Maria said as she popped up back in the doorway - Neil hadn’t even noticed her vanishing - but she was looking at Drake as she said this. Not Andrew. As if in this entire situation Drake was the victim, as if he were the one violated and hurt. As if he hadn’t deserved every second of pain he was in and more.  

 

“Get out,” Neil said, voice hard and his teeth clenched so he wouldn’t shout. “All of you, get out.”

Nicky’s eyes darted up to Neil, his lips parted as if he wanted to say something but then he nodded, understanding, knowing that Andrew wouldn’t want them all to see him like this. Even if it was too late, Nicky knew it was better to give him space now. He cared for his cousin in a way none of the others did. It was a soothing realisation, calming Neil’s beating heart for a few moments. Nicky loved his cousins. There was at least one person in Andrew’s life who truly cared for him. 

Other than Luther and Maria, who stayed exactly where they were, not moving an inch.

“I said  _ get out _ !!” Neil shouted and watched as they flinched. Then Nicky curled his hands around their arms and pulled them back. A few seconds later it was just Aaron, Andrew and Neil left in the room - and Drake, still unconscious. Neil wished he’d stay like that forever. 

Andrew gagged again, his body trembling with the effort. Neil looked at him, his brows furrowed and his lips pressed into a thin line, memories of that day he found Andrew on the kitchen floor flooding his mind. He barely registered the pull on his jeans until something dug into his thigh, hard enough to make Neil flinch. When his eyes darted down, Neil’s heart stopped. 

One of Andrew’s hands was still curled into the edge of the mattress, fingers digging into the sheets. His other, however, Neil found on his thigh. Palm pressed to his leg, fingers curled around it as much as they could reach. Andrew’s fingertips dug into Neil’s muscles so hard it was painful, but Neil didn’t notice any of the pain. All his mind could focus on was the fact that Andrew was holding onto him. 

Maybe it didn’t meant anything. Maybe Neil read too much into it. Maybe Andrew didn’t even notice what he was doing.

 

But what if he did?

 

What if this was Andrew reassuring himself he wasn’t alone? What if this was Andrew trying to get this reassurance from Neil the only way he knew how to - by getting it himself? 

Neil’s heart beat faster. The fact that Andrew trusted him enough to seek out physical contact to him, no matter how small it was, in a situation like this, in a moment where he was so vulnerable, filled Neil with a sense of fondness he rarely ever felt for anyone. This wasn’t the time to think about why he was feeling this fondness though, so Neil just accepted the feeling and let out a long, slightly shaky breath. He wanted to make sure that Andrew knew Neil noticed him reaching out. He wanted to make sure he knew Neil was okay with it, that Neil was a safe person. But even though Andrew’s stomach seemed to have calmed down he was still lying across Neil’s legs, his head hanging low, not seeing Neil’s reaction. So Neil slowly loosened his grip from his own neck and let his hands sink. It might be a bad idea. Neil didn’t know. But he wanted to let Andrew know he saw him.

Neil lowered one hand onto his own leg - the same one Andrew was holding onto. And then, slowly, carefully, watching Andrew’s every move, he stretched out his fingers until the very tips brushed against the side of Andrew’s palm. Andrew’s reaction was immediate. His fingers twitched against Neil’s thigh and Neil stopped, his eyes flicking up to Andrew’s face, but it was still turned to the ground, his shoulders rising and sinking with deep breaths. So Neil stayed like this, his fingertips barely brushing Andrew’s hand but acknowledging his touch, telling him it was okay. Andrew’s fingers twitched again before his hand relaxed against Neil’s leg, unclenching and resting calmly on Neil’s thigh.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to visit and support me on [my tumblr](http://fox-sleeping-minyard.tumblr.com/) and chat with me! ♥
> 
> Comments make a writer happy ♥


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